Boring Marriage? Why a Lack of Drama Is a Blessing

How does the Bible view stability and consistency in marriage?

The Holy Scriptures present marriage as a sacred covenant between husband, wife, and God – one marked by steadfast love, faithfulness, and lifelong commitment. We see this beautifully expressed in the book of Malachi, where the Lord declares: “I hate divorce” (Malachi 2:16). This is not meant as condemnation, but rather reflects God’s desire for marriages to endure and flourish.

Throughout the Bible, we find imagery comparing the marriage relationship to Christ’s unwavering love for the Church. As Saint Paul writes in his letter to the Ephesians, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). This sacrificial, enduring love forms the foundation of a stable Christian marriage.

Consistency in marriage reflects the very nature of our unchanging God. In Hebrews 13:8 we read that “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Just as God’s love for us remains constant, so too are we called to steadfast commitment in marriage. The predictability of a stable marriage provides a secure environment for both spouses and children to grow in faith and love.

But we must remember that stability does not mean stagnation. A healthy marriage requires ongoing nurturing and renewal of love. As it says in the Song of Songs, “Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame” (Song of Songs 8:6). While the commitment remains unshakeable, the flame of love must be tended.

The Biblical view of marital stability reflects God’s own covenant faithfulness. As we read in Lamentations, “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22-23). In the same way, Christian couples are called to renew their love daily while remaining true to their vows. This provides a powerful witness to the world of God’s enduring love and grace.

Can a “boring” marriage actually reflect spiritual maturity and commitment?

We must be careful not to confuse the world’s notion of excitement with true spiritual fulfillment in marriage. What some may label as “boring” could in fact be a reflection of deep spiritual maturity and unwavering commitment between spouses. It is important for couples to prioritize emotional and spiritual connection rather than seeking constant external thrills. This is particularly crucial for those who may be married to a nonbeliever, as finding fulfillment through shared values and spiritual growth can strengthen the marital bond. True fulfillment in marriage comes from a foundation of love, trust, and a shared commitment to spiritual growth, rather than seeking fleeting moments of excitement.

Consider the words of Saint Paul in his first letter to the Corinthians: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5). This description of love emphasizes steadiness, selflessness, and constancy – qualities that may appear unexciting to the world, but are precious in God’s sight.

A marriage grounded in spiritual maturity is one where both spouses consistently put the needs of the other where forgiveness flows freely, and where God remains at the center. These habits, practiced day after day, year after year, may not produce fireworks, but they cultivate a deep, abiding love that withstands the trials of life.

We see in the book of Ecclesiastes that there is “a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens” (Ecclesiastes 3:1). This includes seasons of excitement and seasons of quiet steadiness in marriage. Spiritual maturity allows us to find contentment and joy in all seasons, trusting in God’s perfect timing.

Commitment in marriage often means choosing love even when feelings fluctuate. As Mother Teresa wisely said, “Love is a decision, not a feeling.” This daily choice to love, even when it feels mundane, is a powerful act of spiritual discipline and faithfulness.

Let us not forget that God often works in the quiet, ordinary moments of life. As the prophet Elijah discovered, God’s voice came not in the wind, earthquake, or fire, but in a gentle whisper (1 Kings 19:11-13). Similarly, God’s transformative work in marriage frequently happens in the simple, everyday acts of love and service between spouses.

So take heart, dear ones. A marriage that appears “boring” to the world may in fact be a beautiful testament to Christ-like love, spiritual growth, and enduring commitment. It is in this steady faithfulness that we often encounter God most profoundly.

How does embracing routine in marriage align with Christian values?

Let us reflect on how the embrace of routine in marriage can be a powerful expression of Christian values. At first glance, routine may seem at odds with the vibrancy of faith, but I assure you, there is deep spiritual significance in the rhythms of daily married life.

Consider the words of Saint Benedict, who established a rule of life centered on routine and regularity. He understood that it is through consistent, everyday practices that we cultivate virtue and draw closer to God. In the same way, the routines of married life – shared meals, daily prayers, regular acts of service to one another – can become sacred rituals that strengthen the marital bond and deepen faith.

The Scriptures tell us to “pray continually” (1 Thessalonians 5:17). This exhortation invites us to infuse every aspect of our lives, including the routines of marriage, with a spirit of prayer and mindfulness of God’s presence. When we approach our daily interactions with our spouse as opportunities for prayer and service, even the most mundane tasks become holy.

Embracing routine also aligns with the Christian value of faithfulness. Our Lord Jesus Christ exemplified perfect faithfulness, and we are called to imitate Him in our marriages. As it says in Lamentations, “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22-23). Just as God’s love is steadfast and renewed each day, so too can the routines of marriage be daily renewals of our commitment and love.

Routine provides a stable foundation for family life, allowing us to live out the Christian call to nurture and educate our children in the faith. As we read in Deuteronomy, “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (Deuteronomy 6:6-7). The predictable rhythms of family life create natural opportunities for passing on the faith to the next generation.

Let us also remember that embracing routine is an exercise in humility – a core Christian virtue. It requires us to set aside our own desires for constant novelty or excitement, and instead find contentment and meaning in the simple acts of daily love and service. This mirrors Christ’s own humility in taking on human form and embracing the routines of earthly life.

Finally, routine in marriage can be seen as a participation in God’s ongoing work of creation and sustenance. Just as God established the rhythms of day and night, seasons, and years, so too can the routines of married life reflect the beautiful order of God’s creation. In this way, even the simplest acts of marital routine become a form of worship, acknowledging God as the author of all life and love.

What are the spiritual benefits of a steady, predictable married life?

My beloved brothers and sisters in Christ, let us contemplate the rich spiritual fruits that can blossom from a steady and predictable married life. While the world may glorify constant excitement and novelty, there is powerful spiritual depth to be found in the consistent rhythms of a stable marriage.

A steady married life provides fertile soil for the growth of spiritual virtues. As Saint Paul exhorts us in Galatians, “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23). These virtues are not cultivated overnight, but through patient, daily practice. The predictability of married life offers countless opportunities to exercise forbearance, to choose kindness, to remain faithful in both grand and small ways.

A stable marriage can become a powerful image of God’s own steadfast love for humanity. The prophet Hosea beautifully expresses God’s commitment to His people: “I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion” (Hosea 2:19). When couples persevere through the ups and downs of life together, maintaining their commitment and love, they bear witness to the world of God’s unfailing love.

The predictability of married life also creates space for deeper spiritual intimacy between spouses. As they journey together day after day, year after year, couples can grow in their understanding of one another and in their shared faith. This echoes the words of the Psalmist: “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4). As spouses delight in the Lord together, their hearts become more aligned with God’s will and with each other.

A steady married life provides a stable foundation for spiritual disciplines. Regular times of prayer, Scripture reading, and worship can be more easily established and maintained within the predictable routines of marriage. As Jesus taught, “Where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them” (Matthew 18:20). The consistent presence of one’s spouse can be a powerful aid in maintaining a vibrant prayer life and growing in faith.

Let us not forget, that a predictable married life also offers powerful opportunities for sanctification. The daily interactions, the small irritations, the ongoing need for forgiveness and grace – all of these become instruments through which God shapes us more into the image of Christ. As Saint Peter writes, “In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 1:6-7).

Finally, a steady and predictable married life can become a haven of peace in a turbulent world, reflecting the peace of Christ which surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7). This stability allows couples to more fully live out their vocation of love and service, both to each other and to the wider community. It becomes a testament to the enduring power of God’s love, lived out in the everyday moments of married life.

How can couples find contentment in a marriage that lacks excitement?

The question of finding contentment in a marriage that may seem to lack excitement is one that touches the very heart of our faith. For it is in learning to be content, regardless of our circumstances, that we grow closer to God and experience His peace.

Let us first remember the words of Saint Paul, who wrote from prison: “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:11-13). This powerful contentment, rooted in Christ, is available to all of us – including in our marriages.

To find contentment in a marriage that feels lacking in excitement, we must first shift our perspective. Rather than seeking fleeting thrills, let us focus on the deep, abiding joy that comes from a life shared in Christ. As Jesus promised, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10). This fullness of life is not about constant stimulation, but about richness of love, depth of understanding, and growth in faith.

Cultivating gratitude is essential in finding contentment. The Psalmist encourages us to “give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever” (Psalm 107:1). When we intentionally practice gratitude for our spouse and for the gift of our marriage, we begin to see the extraordinary in the ordinary. A simple shared meal, a quiet evening together, the comfort of a familiar presence – all these can become sources of deep joy when viewed through the lens of gratitude.

Contentment in marriage often comes from shifting our focus from what we can get to what we can give. Jesus taught that “it is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). When we concentrate on how we can serve and bless our spouse, rather than on what excitement we might be missing, we often find a powerful sense of purpose and fulfillment.

It’s also important to remember that true excitement in marriage is not about constant novelty, but about continual growth and discovery. As couples deepen their emotional and spiritual intimacy, they can find excitement in new levels of understanding, in overcoming challenges together, and in supporting each other’s personal and spiritual growth. This aligns with the biblical concept of “iron sharpening iron” (Proverbs 27:17).

Finally, finding contentment in marriage ultimately comes from recognizing that our deepest needs can only be met in God. No human relationship, no matter how wonderful, can fulfill us completely. As Saint Augustine famously said, “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.” When we root our contentment in God’s love, we free our marriages from the impossible burden of providing all our fulfillment and excitement.

Does pursuing excitement in marriage reflect worldly values rather than godly ones?

We must approach this question with nuance and care. The desire for excitement and joy in marriage is not inherently worldly or ungodly. , the Song of Songs in Scripture celebrates the passion and delight between husband and wife. God created marriage as a source of companionship, intimacy, and yes, even excitement. 

But we must be cautious about making excitement the primary goal or measure of a marriage. A godly marriage is built on much deeper foundations – on sacrificial love, faithfulness, and mutual service. As St. Paul teaches, “Love is patient, love is kind” (1 Corinthians 13:4). True marital love finds joy in the everyday acts of care and kindness, not just in fleeting thrills.

The danger comes when we expect constant excitement or novelty from our spouse, treating them as a source of entertainment rather than a partner in life’s journey. This reflects a consumerist mindset that is worldly. Instead, we are called to find our ultimate fulfillment in God, not in the emotions our spouse can provide.

At the same time, it is good and right for married couples to nurture romance, to seek adventure together, to laugh and play. These moments of excitement can be gifts from God that renew our love. The key is balance and proper perspective. Let us pursue excitement within marriage not as an end in itself, but as one aspect of a rich, multifaceted relationship grounded in faith and commitment.

The most powerful excitement in marriage comes not from fleeting pleasures, but from growing together in holiness, from weathering life’s storms side by side, from glimpsing God’s love through our imperfect human love. This is the excitement that truly reflects godly values – an excitement of the soul that deepens over a lifetime together.

How can spouses cultivate gratitude for the “boring” aspects of their marriage?

The so-called “boring” aspects of marriage are often where we encounter God’s grace most profoundly. It is in the quiet, routine moments that we have the opportunity to practice selfless love and to see the face of Christ in our spouse.

To cultivate gratitude, we must first shift our perspective. What seems boring may in fact be a gift of stability and security in an often chaotic world. The daily rituals of married life – sharing meals, doing chores together, caring for children – these are not mere tedium, but the building blocks of a life shared in love. As it says in Ecclesiastes, “Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days” (Ecclesiastes 9:9). Even in the seemingly mundane, there is meaning and joy to be found.

Practical steps can help nurture this gratitude. Each day, take time to thank God for specific aspects of your married life, even those that may seem unremarkable. Express appreciation to your spouse for the little things they do. Reflect on how your life is enriched by their constant presence and support.

Remember too that what feels “boring” often represents the fruit of commitment and hard work. A peaceful home life, financial stability, the routines of family – these are achievements to be celebrated, not taken for granted. They reflect the biblical ideal of a stable, faithful marriage.

These quiet moments are opportunities for spiritual growth. In the stillness of routine, we can practice mindfulness, becoming more aware of God’s presence in every aspect of our lives. We can use repetitive tasks as occasions for prayer, offering our work as a sacrifice of love.

Lastly, cultivate humility. Our culture often tells us we deserve constant stimulation and novelty. But the Christian path is one of self-emptying love. Finding contentment and gratitude in the ordinary is a powerful witness to Christ’s love in a world always chasing the next thrill.

By embracing these “boring” aspects with gratitude, we open ourselves to a deeper, richer experience of marital love – one that reflects the patient, enduring love of God for His people.

What role does faithfulness play in a marriage that may seem mundane?

Faithfulness is the very bedrock upon which a strong, Christ-centered marriage is built. In times when marriage may feel mundane, faithfulness becomes even more crucial, serving as an anchor that holds the relationship steady through all seasons of life.

Faithfulness in marriage reflects God’s own faithfulness to His people. As the prophet Hosea beautifully illustrates, God remains steadfast in His love even when His people stray. In the same way, marital faithfulness is a powerful testimony to God’s enduring love, especially in times that feel ordinary or challenging.

In practical terms, faithfulness provides the security and trust that allow love to deepen over time. It creates a safe space where both spouses can be vulnerable, knowing they are fully accepted. This security, in turn, allows for growth and transformation within the relationship. As it says in Proverbs, “Many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person who can find?” (Proverbs 20:6). Faithfulness is a rare and precious gift.

Faithfulness in the mundane moments of marriage is what builds a lasting legacy. It is easy to be faithful in times of passion or excitement. The true test comes in the daily choice to love, to serve, to forgive – even when feelings may waver. This steady faithfulness, lived out day after day, year after year, becomes a powerful witness to children, to the community, and to the world of God’s steadfast love.

Faithfulness also opens the door to deeper intimacy. As spouses remain committed through the ebb and flow of feelings, through times of struggle or boredom, they create a shared history that enriches their bond. They learn to see beyond surface emotions to the inherent dignity and beauty of their spouse as a child of God.

Let us remember too that faithfulness is not just about avoiding infidelity. It encompasses faithfulness in thought, in speech, in prioritizing the marriage relationship. It means continuing to nurture love and connection even when it requires effort. As St. Paul exhorts, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” (Colossians 3:12). These virtues, lived out faithfully, transform even the most mundane marriage into a reflection of Christ’s love for the Church.

Faithfulness in the mundane is what allows a marriage to weather life’s storms and emerge stronger. It is the soil in which deep, abiding love can grow. By remaining faithful, couples create space for God to work in and through their relationship, turning the ordinary into something truly extraordinary.

How can couples use periods of “boredom” to deepen their spiritual connection?

What we perceive as “boredom” in marriage can, with God’s grace, become fertile ground for spiritual growth and deeper connection. These quieter seasons offer a unique opportunity to nurture the soul of your relationship and draw closer to God together.

Embrace these periods as invitations to stillness and reflection. Our busy world rarely affords us time to simply be present with one another and with God. Use these moments to practice shared prayer and meditation. As the Psalmist says, “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). In the stillness of a quiet evening at home, you may hear God’s voice more clearly than ever.

Consider establishing rituals of spiritual intimacy. Read Scripture together, discussing how God’s Word speaks to your lives and relationship. Share your spiritual journeys, your doubts and revelations. By opening your hearts to one another in this way, you create a deeper level of intimacy that goes beyond the physical or emotional.

Use this time to engage in acts of service together. Volunteer at your church or in your community. By serving others as a couple, you not only strengthen your bond but also live out Christ’s call to love our neighbors. This shared purpose can infuse new meaning and energy into your relationship.

Explore spiritual disciplines together. Perhaps learn about and practice contemplative prayer, fasting, or lectio divina. By growing in faith side by side, you create shared experiences that enrich your spiritual lives and your marriage.

Remember that love is not just a feeling, but a choice and an action. In times of perceived boredom, choose to actively love your spouse in small, everyday ways. As St. Th̩r̬se of Lisieux taught us, even the smallest acts done with great love have immense spiritual value. A thoughtful gesture, a word of encouragement, a simple act of service Рthese can be powerful expressions of love that deepen your connection.

Use this time to practice forgiveness and healing. Often, in the busyness of life, hurts and misunderstandings accumulate. Quieter periods provide space to address these issues, to seek and offer forgiveness, and to renew your commitment to one another.

Lastly, cultivate gratitude together. Take time each day to share what you appreciate about one another and about your life together. Gratitude opens our eyes to God’s blessings and can transform our perspective on the “ordinary” aspects of marriage.

By approaching these periods with intentionality and openness to the Holy Spirit, couples can emerge with a stronger, more spiritually grounded relationship. What seemed like boredom can become a sacred time of renewal and deepening love, drawing you closer to each other and to God.

What biblical examples demonstrate the value of steadfast, consistent marriages?

The Scriptures offer us beautiful examples of steadfast marriages that inspire and guide us. These stories remind us that a consistent, faithful marriage is a powerful testimony to God’s enduring love.

Let us first consider Abraham and Sarah. Their journey was long and often difficult, marked by periods of waiting and uncertainty. Yet through it all, they remained faithful to God and to each other. Even in their old age, when the promise of a child seemed impossible, they trusted in God’s plan. Their steadfastness was rewarded not only with the birth of Isaac, but with the fulfillment of God’s covenant. As it is written, “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness” (Romans 4:3).

The story of Ruth and Boaz also exemplifies the beauty of a steadfast marriage. Ruth’s loyalty to her mother-in-law Naomi led her to Boaz, a man of noble character. Their marriage, built on mutual respect and faithfulness to God’s laws, became part of the lineage of King David and ultimately of Jesus Christ. This reminds us that a consistent, godly marriage can have impact far beyond what we can see.

We see another powerful example in Zechariah and Elizabeth, the parents of John the Baptist. Luke describes them as “righteous in the sight of God, observing all the Lord’s commands and decrees blamelessly” (Luke 1:6). Their faithfulness in what must have been years of quiet, perhaps even disappointing times, prepared them for the miraculous role they would play in salvation history.

The prophet Hosea’s marriage, while unconventional, powerfully demonstrates God’s steadfast love. God called Hosea to marry Gomer, knowing she would be unfaithful, as a living parable of God’s relationship with Israel. Hosea’s consistent love and forgiveness towards Gomer, even in the face of her infidelity, vividly illustrates God’s unending love for His people.

In the New Testament, while we have less detail about specific marriages, we see the importance of steadfast love emphasized. Paul’s beautiful exposition on love in 1 Corinthians 13 describes the qualities of enduring love – patience, kindness, perseverance – which are essential in a consistent marriage.

Priscilla and Aquila, mentioned several times in Acts and Paul’s letters, provide a glimpse of a couple united in their faith and mission. Their consistent partnership in ministry and hospitality serves as an inspiring model for Christian marriages.

These biblical examples remind us that steadfast marriages are not about perfection, but about perseverance in love and faith. They show us that consistent, faithful marriages can be powerful instruments of God’s work in the world. As we strive to emulate these examples, may we remember that our own steadfast marriages, lived day by day in faith and love, are a living witness to the enduring love of Christ for His Church.