How Can Married Keep Love Alive Through the Years?

What does the Bible say about maintaining love in marriage?

The sacred Scriptures offer powerful guidance on nurturing love between husband and wife. At the heart of biblical teaching is the call to selfless, enduring love modeled after Christ’s love for the Church. As Saint Paul beautifully expresses in his letter to the Ephesians, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).

This sacrificial love is not a fleeting emotion, but a daily choice and commitment. It requires patience, kindness, and forgiveness, as extolled in 1 Corinthians 13. The Bible encourages spouses to “be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love” (Ephesians 4:2). This mutual forbearance and grace are essential for weathering the inevitable challenges of married life.

Scripture also emphasizes the importance of unity and intimacy between husband and wife. Genesis 2:24 declares, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” This oneness encompasses not just physical intimacy, but emotional and spiritual connection as well. The Song of Songs celebrates the beauty of marital love and desire, reminding us that passion has an honored place in godly marriage.

The Bible calls married couples to prioritize and nurture their relationship. Proverbs 5:18-19 exhorts, “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth…may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.” This poetic language encourages spouses to continually delight in one another and tend to the flames of marital love.

Maintaining love in marriage requires God’s grace and the fruit of the Spirit – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). As we abide in Christ’s love, we are empowered to love our spouse with divine love that “always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Corinthians 13:7) (Jeremiah, 2012; Wulandari et al., 2023).

How can couples keep their love alive as the years go by?

Sustaining marital love over decades is both a great challenge and a powerful opportunity for growth in holiness. It requires intentional effort, creativity, and above all, openness to God’s grace. Allow me to offer some reflections on how couples can nurture their love through the seasons of life.

Make prayer and shared faith the foundation of your relationship. When spouses pray together and for one another, they invite God’s presence and transforming power into their marriage. As Saint John Paul II wisely observed, “The family that prays together, stays together.” Regular participation in the sacraments, especially the Eucharist and Reconciliation, can profoundly renew marital love.

Prioritize quality time together. In our busy world, it is all too easy for couples to become like “ships passing in the night.” Make a commitment to regular date nights, shared hobbies, or simply time to talk and listen deeply to one another. These moments of connection nourish intimacy and help spouses continually rediscover each other.

Communication is vital for keeping love alive. Practice active listening, express appreciation often, and address conflicts with gentleness and respect. As Saint Francis de Sales counseled, “There is nothing that edifies others so much as cheerful and constant friendliness.” Let your words and tone convey tenderness and affection to your spouse.

Physical intimacy and non-sexual affection are also important for sustaining marital love. Simple gestures like holding hands, embracing, or leaving loving notes can keep the spark of romance alive. Be intentional about expressing love in your spouse’s preferred “love language,” whether that’s words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, or physical touch (Mostova et al., 2022).

Continual growth as individuals and as a couple can reinvigorate love. Pursue shared goals, learn new things together, and support each other’s personal development. As you evolve and mature, your love can deepen in beautiful ways.

Finally, practice forgiveness and grace daily. No marriage is without challenges, but a commitment to reconciliation can strengthen your bond. As Pope Francis has said, “In the family, three words need to be used. I want to repeat this! Three words: ‘Please’, ‘Thank you’, ‘Sorry’. Three essential words!” (Sabey & Rauer, 2018, pp. 1139–1158; Tsai et al., 2020, pp. 1140–1156)

Is it normal for romantic feelings to fade after marriage?

It is important to address this question with both honesty and hope. The truth is that many couples do experience a change in their romantic feelings as their marriage progresses. The initial intensity of passion and infatuation that characterizes courtship and early marriage often evolves into a different kind of love over time. This transition is quite normal and does not necessarily indicate a problem in the relationship.

In the early stages of romance, our brains are flooded with chemicals like dopamine and norepinephrine, creating feelings of euphoria and excitement. This neurochemical cocktail cannot be sustained indefinitely, and eventually gives way to a calmer, more stable form of attachment. This shift is actually adaptive, allowing couples to form the deep bond necessary for long-term commitment and family life.

But it is crucial to understand that the fading of intense romantic feelings does not mean the end of love or the death of passion in marriage. Rather, it opens the door to a richer, more mature form of love – one that encompasses deep friendship, shared history, and abiding commitment. As Saint John Paul II beautifully expressed, “Love is never something ready-made, something merely ‘given’ to man and woman; it is always at the same time a ‘task’ which they are set.”

That being said, it is also true that neglect and complacency can cause genuine emotional disconnection in marriage. If spouses stop nurturing their relationship, romantic feelings may wane to an unhealthy degree. This is why it’s so important to actively cultivate intimacy, appreciation, and shared experiences throughout married life.

We must remember that feelings naturally ebb and flow in any long-term relationship. There will be seasons of greater and lesser passion, influenced by life circumstances, stress, health issues, and other factors. The key is to remain committed to loving action and to seek help if emotional distance becomes prolonged or severe.

While the initial rush of romance may fade, a deeper and more enduring love can grow in its place – one that integrates passion, intimacy, and commitment in a lasting way. As couples navigate this journey together, they have the opportunity to discover ever-new dimensions of love and to reflect more fully the faithful, fruitful love of God (Niehuis et al., 2016, pp. 1074–1100; Sels et al., 2018, pp. 2437–2454).

How can spouses reignite passion and intimacy in a long-term marriage?

The renewal of passion and intimacy in marriage is a noble and worthy pursuit. It reflects our innate desire for connection and our calling to image God’s faithful, creative love. While rekindling the flames of marital love requires effort, it can lead to powerful joy and growth for couples.

We must recognize that intimacy encompasses far more than just physical relations. True intimacy involves emotional, intellectual, and spiritual connection as well. To deepen intimacy, focus on really knowing and understanding your spouse. Practice curiosity about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Create opportunities for meaningful conversation and shared vulnerability.

For passion to flourish, it’s important to introduce elements of novelty and playfulness into your relationship. Try new activities together, plan surprises for one another, or revisit places and experiences from your courtship. As Pope Francis has noted, “Love needs time and space; everything else is secondary. Time is needed to talk things over, to embrace leisurely, to share plans, to listen to one another and gaze in each other’s eyes, to appreciate one another and to build a stronger relationship.”

Physical affection and sexual intimacy are also vital for many couples. Make time for romance, even amidst busy schedules. Be intentional about expressing desire and appreciation for your spouse’s body. Explore new ways of giving and receiving pleasure, always within the bounds of mutual respect and Catholic teaching on sexuality. Remember that the marital embrace is a powerful gift and a reflection of God’s creative, unifying love.

It’s also important to address any underlying issues that may be hindering intimacy. This might involve working through past hurts, improving communication, or seeking help for physical or mental health challenges. Couples therapy or marriage enrichment programs can be valuable resources for deepening connection.

Spiritual intimacy is a powerful way to reignite passion in marriage. Praying together, studying Scripture, or engaging in works of service can foster a deep sense of unity and shared purpose. As you grow closer to God individually and as a couple, you may find your love for one another renewed and strengthened.

Finally, cultivate gratitude and positive focus in your relationship. Make a habit of noticing and expressing appreciation for your spouse’s qualities and actions. Choose to dwell on the good in your partner and in your shared life together. This attitude of thankfulness can powerfully reignite feelings of love and desire.

Remember, that passion in marriage is not meant to remain static, but to deepen and mature over time. With intentional effort and openness to grace, couples can discover new dimensions of intimacy and keep the flames of love burning brightly through all seasons of life (Brown, 2019, pp. 413–437; Tsai et al., 2020, pp. 1140–1156; Weber et al., 2021, pp. 1381–1388).

What role does faith play in sustaining marital love?

Faith plays an indispensable role in nurturing and sustaining marital love. It provides the foundation, the nourishment, and the ultimate purpose for the sacred bond between husband and wife. Let us reflect on how our Catholic faith can be a wellspring of strength and renewal for married couples.

Faith reminds us that marriage is not merely a human institution, but a divine calling. As the Catechism teaches, “The sacrament of Matrimony signifies the union of Christ and the Church. It gives spouses the grace to love each other with the love with which Christ has loved his Church” (CCC 1661). This sacramental understanding elevates marriage to a participation in God’s own faithful, fruitful love.

When couples root their relationship in faith, they gain access to tremendous spiritual resources. The graces of the sacrament, the wisdom of Scripture and Church teaching, the support of the faith community, and the power of prayer all become aids in sustaining love. As Saint John Paul II beautifully expressed, “To maintain a joyful family requires much from both the parents and the children. Each member of the family has to become, in a special way, the servant of the others.”

Faith also provides a shared vision and purpose for marriage that transcends individual desires or cultural pressures. It orients spouses toward mutual self-gift, openness to life, and the building up of the domestic church. This common mission can be a powerful source of unity and motivation throughout the ups and downs of married life.

Faith offers comfort and hope in times of struggle. When couples face challenges, their shared belief in God’s love and providence can be an anchor of stability. The practice of forgiveness, so central to our faith, becomes a healing balm for the inevitable hurts and disappointments in marriage.

Faith also encourages spouses to see one another through God’s eyes – as beloved children made in His image. This perspective fosters reverence, compassion, and commitment even when feelings may waver. As Pope Francis has said, “Love is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, no one would promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it goes. How can I judge that it will last forever, when our human nature is so changeable?”

Finally, faith invites couples to continually grow in love – both human and divine. As spouses deepen their individual relationships with God, they become more capable of selfless, enduring love for one another. The virtues cultivated through faith – patience, kindness, humility, forgiveness – become the very qualities that sustain marital love over a lifetime.

Faith does not simply support marriage – it transforms it into a living sign of Christ’s love for the Church. When couples embrace this sublime vocation, their love can become an ever-brighter reflection of God’s own faithful, creative, and redemptive love (Hager, 2014; Haque, 2021; Wulandari et al., 2023).

How can couples overcome challenges that threaten their love?

The journey of marriage is not always smooth. Like a ship on the seas, a marriage will face storms that threaten to capsize it. But with faith, perseverance, and grace, couples can weather these challenges and emerge with a love that is stronger and deeper.

We must recognize that love is not merely a feeling, but a choice and a commitment. When difficulties arise, whether from external pressures or internal conflicts, couples must choose each day to love one another, even when it is difficult. This requires humility, forgiveness, and a willingness to put the needs of one’s spouse before one’s own desires.

Communication is essential for overcoming challenges. Couples must create space for open, honest dialogue, where each person can express their feelings and concerns without fear of judgment. This requires active listening and empathy, truly seeking to understand one’s spouse’s perspective. As the research shows, “couples who possess a certain level of self-awareness can maintain their individuality and independence while also having strong, genuine, and non-threatening emotional intimacy” (Razmara et al., 2023).

Prayer and spiritual practices can be a powerful source of strength and unity for couples facing challenges. By turning to God together, spouses invite His grace and wisdom into their relationship. The sacramental nature of marriage reminds us that God is present in the union, offering His support and love.

Seeking help when needed is a sign of strength, not weakness. Whether through counseling, support groups, or the guidance of wise mentors, couples should not hesitate to reach out for assistance when facing serious challenges. As one study notes, “Couples with high psychological well-being perceive more pleasant experiences and suffer less from pleasant emotions” (Mayer, 2023, pp. 4–15).

Finally, couples must nurture their relationship through intentional acts of love and kindness. Even in the midst of difficulties, small gestures of affection and appreciation can help maintain the emotional connection between spouses. As we read, “love and emotional acculturation helped them overcome language barriers” in intercultural couples (Dewaele, 2018, pp. 29–55). Similarly, acts of love can help overcome the barriers that challenges create in a marriage.

Remember, that with God’s help and a commitment to love, even the greatest challenges can be overcome, leading to a stronger, more resilient marriage.

What are God’s expectations for love within marriage?

When we contemplate the divine expectations for love within marriage, we must first look to the very nature of God Himself. For God is love, and in the Holy Trinity, we see the perfect model of self-giving, mutual love that we are called to emulate in marriage.

God expects married couples to reflect His unconditional love. This means loving one’s spouse not for what they can provide or how they make us feel, but for who they are as a beloved child of God. It is a love that perseveres through all circumstances, as St. Paul beautifully describes in 1 Corinthians 13. This love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

The Lord calls married couples to a love that is both unitive and fruitful. In the physical and spiritual union of spouses, we see a reflection of Christ’s love for the Church. This union is meant to be life-giving, not only in the potential for procreation but also in how it nurtures the growth and flourishing of each spouse and those around them.

God expects fidelity and commitment in marital love. The covenant of marriage is a sacred bond, reflecting God’s faithful love for His people. As we read, “Marriage is a wonderful thing, Solomon (generally considered the wisest of the wise) said, ‘He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor of the Lord'” (Berg, 2021). This fidelity extends beyond physical faithfulness to encompass emotional and spiritual loyalty as well.

The Lord desires that marital love be characterized by mutual respect and equality. While spouses may have different roles and gifts, they are equal in dignity and called to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. As one study notes, “mentally, the woman was of the same stratum as the man. Physically, both were perfect types of pure, healthy blood…Religiously, both held a broad, abiding love for man and God” (Kirzane, 2020, pp. 289–322).

God expects marital love to be a school of virtue and holiness. Through the daily challenges and joys of married life, spouses are called to grow in patience, kindness, forgiveness, and selflessness. As they strive to love as Christ loves, they become more conformed to His image.

Finally, the Lord desires that marital love be a witness to the world of God’s love. Christian marriages are called to be a light in the darkness, showing others the beauty and power of committed, sacrificial love. As we read, “The Church, Family of God, the community of love, leads to hermeneutics that in Africa it must become Light of God and Light of men in the midst of our world in the making” (Bishwende, 2022).

How can spouses continue to grow in love for one another?

The journey of marital love is not a destination but a lifelong pilgrimage. Like a garden that requires constant tending, love in marriage must be nurtured and cultivated to flourish and grow deeper with time.

Spouses must prioritize their relationship amidst the many demands of life. This means setting aside dedicated time for one another, free from distractions. As one study notes, “more frequent interaction between work spouses is associated with increased job satisfaction and affective commitment mediated by relational energy” (Frieder et al., 2022). While this refers to work relationships, the principle applies even more strongly to marital bonds. Regular date nights, shared hobbies, or simply quiet moments of conversation can help maintain and deepen the connection between spouses.

Continuous learning about one’s spouse is crucial for growing in love. People change over time, and spouses should remain curious about each other’s evolving thoughts, dreams, and needs. This requires attentive listening and a genuine interest in one’s partner’s inner world. As we read, “Couples who possess a certain level of self-awareness can maintain their individuality and independence while also having strong, genuine, and non-threatening emotional intimacy” (Mayer, 2023, pp. 4–15).

Practicing gratitude and appreciation can significantly enhance marital love. Regularly expressing thankfulness for both small and large acts of kindness can create a positive cycle of affection and goodwill. This aligns with the concept of “TSL: Thanks, Sorry, and Love” communication, which has been shown to “promote positive communication between couples through a process of self-transformation” (Choi et al., 2023, pp. 7315–7334).

Forgiveness and the willingness to seek reconciliation are essential for love to grow. In any relationship, hurts and misunderstandings will occur. The ability to forgive, to seek forgiveness, and to work through conflicts with patience and understanding allows love to deepen rather than erode in the face of challenges.

Shared spiritual growth can be a powerful way for spouses to grow in love. Praying together, studying Scripture, or engaging in acts of service as a couple can strengthen the spiritual bond between spouses and draw them closer to God and each other. As one study suggests, “religiosity of spouses [is] a factor contributing to shaping a successful marriage” (małżonków et al., 2022).

Maintaining physical and emotional intimacy is crucial for growing in love. This includes not only sexual intimacy but also non-sexual forms of physical affection and emotional vulnerability. Couples should strive to create an environment of trust where they can share their deepest selves with one another.

Finally, committing to personal growth and self-improvement can enhance marital love. As each spouse works on becoming the best version of themselves, they bring more to the relationship and inspire their partner. This might involve addressing personal issues, developing new skills, or pursuing individual passions that ultimately enrich the marriage.

Remember, that growing in love is a grace-filled process. By remaining open to God’s love and allowing it to flow through us to our spouse, we can experience a continual deepening of marital love that reflects the infinite love of our Creator.

What are some practical ways to show love to your spouse daily?

Love in marriage is not merely a feeling but an action—a daily choice to cherish and honor one’s spouse. Let us explore some practical ways to demonstrate this love in our everyday lives.

Communication is key. Take time each day to truly listen to your spouse, giving them your full attention. Practice what some call “TSL: Thanks, Sorry, and Love” communication (Choi et al., 2023, pp. 7315–7334). Express gratitude for the things your spouse does, apologize sincerely when you’ve made a mistake, and verbalize your love regularly. These simple words can have a powerful impact on your relationship.

Physical affection is a powerful way to show love. This doesn’t always mean grand romantic gestures, but can be as simple as a gentle touch, a warm hug, or holding hands while walking together. As we read, “By constantly developing the ability to love consciously and unconditionally, it is possible to transcend the problems of a monogamous partnership” (Ray, 2004, pp. 133–139). Physical closeness can help maintain emotional intimacy.

Acts of service can be a beautiful expression of love. Look for ways to lighten your spouse’s load—perhaps by taking on a chore they usually do, preparing their favorite meal, or handling a task they’ve been putting off. These thoughtful actions show that you’re attentive to their needs and willing to sacrifice your time and energy for their well-being.

Make an effort to show interest in your spouse’s passions and concerns. Ask about their day, their work, their hobbies. Remember details they’ve shared and follow up on them. This demonstrates that you value what’s important to them and want to be involved in all aspects of their life.

Surprise your spouse with small, thoughtful gestures. Leave a loving note in their lunch box, send an encouraging text during the day, or bring home their favorite treat. These unexpected acts of kindness can brighten their day and remind them of your love.

Practice forgiveness and patience daily. In the small irritations and disagreements that inevitably arise, choose to respond with grace rather than frustration. As we’re reminded, “love is to be at the center of the exercise of spiritual gifts” (Ramsey, 2023). Let your love be the foundation for how you navigate challenges together.

Make time for shared experiences. Whether it’s a weekly date night, a daily walk together, or simply sitting down to share a meal without distractions, these shared moments help strengthen your bond and create lasting memories.

Verbalize your admiration and respect for your spouse. Compliment them sincerely, both in private and in front of others. Acknowledge their strengths and the qualities you love about them. This affirmation can boost their confidence and deepen your connection.

Pray for and with your spouse. Invite God into your relationship daily, asking for His guidance and blessings. As one study notes, “religiousness of spouses [is] a factor contributing to shaping a successful marriage” (małżonków et al., 2022). Shared spiritual practices can strengthen your bond.

Finally, continually work on yourself. Strive to be the best version of yourself, addressing your own shortcomings and growing in virtue. Your personal growth will positively impact your marriage and inspire your spouse.

Remember, that these acts of love, when done consistently and with a sincere heart, create a culture of love within your marriage. As St. Therese of Lisieux taught us, it is often in the small, everyday actions that we can show the greatest love. May your daily choices to love your spouse reflect the endless love of our Heavenly Father.

How does having children impact marital love, and how can couples maintain their bond?

The arrival of children in a marriage is truly a blessing from God, a manifestation of the fruitfulness of marital love. Yet, we must acknowledge that this joyous event also brings major changes and challenges to the relationship between spouses.

Research has shown that the transition to parenthood can have a complex impact on marital satisfaction. As one study notes, “The number of children predicted diminished marital satisfaction in couples from all three cultures” studied (Wendorf et al., 2011, pp. 340–354). This decrease in satisfaction is often due to increased stress, sleep deprivation, changes in roles and responsibilities, and less time for couple-focused activities.

But it’s crucial to understand that while children may bring challenges, they also have the potential to deepen and enrich marital love. As one participant in a study beautifully expressed, “When there is love between a father and mother, the child will also be loved” (McCann et al., 2023). Children can bring a new dimension of shared purpose and joy to a marriage, strengthening the bond between spouses as they work together in the sacred task of parenting.

To maintain and nurture their bond while raising children, couples must be intentional and proactive. Here are some strategies:

1. Prioritize couple time: Make regular date nights a non-negotiable part of your schedule. Even if it’s just a quiet evening at home after the children are in bed, this dedicated time to focus on each other is crucial.
2. Maintain open communication: Discuss your feelings, challenges, and joys related to parenting. Be honest about your needs and listen empathetically to your spouse’s perspective.
3. Share parenting responsibilities: Work as a team in caring for your children. This not only lightens the load for each parent but also fosters a sense of partnership and mutual support.
4. Show affection in front of your children: Demonstrate appropriate physical affection and verbal expressions of love. This not only maintains your connection but also provides a positive model of marital love for your children.
5. Nurture intimacy: While sexual intimacy may be more challenging with children in the home, it remains an important aspect of marital love. Be creative in finding opportunities for physical and emotional closeness.
6. Support each other’s individual needs: Encourage each other to maintain friendships, pursue hobbies, and have personal time. A fulfilled individual makes for a better partner and parent.
7. Practice gratitude: Regularly express appreciation for your spouse’s efforts in parenting and maintaining the household. This fosters a positive atmosphere in the home.
8. Seek support when needed: Don’t hesitate to ask for help from family, friends, or professionals if you’re struggling to balance parenting and your marital relationship.
9. Maintain a sense of humor: Laughter can be a powerful tool in navigating the challenges of parenting together. Find joy in the little moments and don’t take every difficulty too seriously.
10. Pray together: Invite God into your parenting journey. Shared spiritual practices can strengthen your bond and provide comfort during challenging times.

Remember, that “love is born from the pulse of God’s heart” (Ray, 2004, pp. 133–139). Your marital love, enriched by the presence of children, can be a beautiful reflection of God’s creative and nurturing love. By consciously nurturing your relationship while embracing the joys and challenges of parenthood, you can maintain and even deepen your marital bond.

As you journey through parenthood together, may you continually rediscover and renew the love that brought you together, finding in each other and in your children a source of joy, growth, and grace.

Bibliography:

Abbate, S. (2024). Reimagining the Di