I haven’t found a wife yet. Should I stop looking?

What does the Bible say about marriage and singleness?

The Bible speaks of both marriage and singleness as gifts from God, each with its own purpose in His divine plan. In the beginning, we see that God created man and woman to be united as “one flesh” in the covenant of marriage (Genesis 2:24). This union is a reflection of Christ’s love for the Church, as St. Paul beautifully expresses in Ephesians 5:31-32. Marriage is thus a sacred vocation, blessed by God as a means of mutual sanctification and for the bringing forth of new life.(Köstenberger, 2011)

Yet our Lord Jesus and St. Paul also speak of the value of celibacy for the sake of the Kingdom of God (Matthew 19:12, 1 Corinthians 7:32-35). Singleness allows one to be devoted to the Lord without distraction, serving Him with an undivided heart. We see this exemplified in the lives of Jesus himself, John the Baptist, and many saints throughout history.(Byun, 2015)

The key is to recognize that both states of life – married and single – are paths of holiness when lived in accordance with God’s will. Neither is superior to the other in an absolute sense. Rather, each person is called to discern how God is inviting them to love and serve Him most fully.(Köstenberger, 2011)

We must be careful not to idolize marriage as the only way to happiness and fulfillment. Nor should we view singleness as a curse or sign of God’s disfavor. Both can be lived joyfully and fruitfully when we place Christ at the center. The ultimate goal is not marriage or singleness in itself, but union with God and the building up of His Kingdom on earth.(Byun, 2015)

Is there a “right time” to get married according to Scripture?

My dear brother, the Scriptures do not prescribe a specific age or time for marriage. Rather, they offer wisdom to guide us in discerning when we may be ready for this sacred commitment. The emphasis is on spiritual and emotional maturity rather than a particular chronological age.

In the Old Testament, we see examples of people marrying at various stages of life. Isaac was 40 when he married Rebekah (Genesis 25:20), while Joseph was likely in his 30s when he married (Genesis 41:45-46). The book of Proverbs speaks of the importance of finding a spouse of noble character (Proverbs 31:10-31), suggesting that discernment and wisdom should guide the timing of marriage.(Köstenberger, 2011)

In the New Testament, St. Paul offers guidance to the Corinthians, acknowledging that marriage is good, but also highlighting the value of singleness for devoted service to the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:25-40). He advises that those who marry should do so “in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:39), indicating the importance of shared faith and values.(Byun, 2015)

The “right time” for marriage, then, is less about age and more about spiritual readiness and God’s leading. Some key factors to consider might include:

1. Spiritual maturity and a shared commitment to Christ
2. Emotional readiness for the sacrifices and challenges of marriage
3. Sufficient life experience and self-knowledge
4. Financial stability to support a family
5. A sense of God’s peace and confirmation through prayer and wise counsel

It’s important to remember that God’s timing may differ from our own expectations or societal pressures. Some may be called to marry young, while others may enter marriage later in life. Still others may be called to remain single. There is no one-size-fits-all approach.(Byun, 2015)

What matters most is that we seek God’s will with an open heart, trusting in His perfect timing and plan for our lives. As Ecclesiastes 3:11 reminds us, “He has made everything beautiful in its time.” Whether in marriage or singleness, our primary calling is to grow in holiness and to love God and neighbor more fully.

How can I discern God’s will for my life regarding marriage?

Discerning God’s will for your life, especially in matters of vocation and marriage, is a journey of faith, prayer, and attentiveness to the movements of the Holy Spirit. It is a process that requires patience, humility, and a deep trust in God’s loving plan for your life.

We must root ourselves in prayer and the sacraments. Spend time in silent adoration before the Blessed Sacrament, allowing your heart to be still and receptive to God’s voice. As Pope Francis often reminds us, it is in silence that we can hear the gentle whisper of God’s call. Regular participation in the Eucharist and Reconciliation will strengthen your spiritual life and clarity of discernment.(Camp, 2011)

Meditate on Sacred Scripture, particularly passages that speak of God’s love, His faithfulness, and His guidance. The Psalms are a beautiful source of comfort and wisdom in times of discernment. Allow the Word of God to illuminate your path and shape your desires according to His will.(Köstenberger, 2011)

Seek the counsel of wise and holy individuals – perhaps a spiritual director, a trusted priest, or mature Christian friends. They can offer valuable insights and help you see your situation from different perspectives. Remember, God often speaks to us through the wisdom and love of others in the Christian community.(Camp, 2011)

Pay attention to the desires of your heart. St. Ignatius of Loyola teaches that God often speaks to us through our deepest, most authentic desires. If you feel a persistent longing for marriage, prayerfully explore that desire. At the same time, be open to the possibility that God may be calling you to a different path. The key is to bring all your desires before the Lord in honest prayer.(Fiand, 2013)

Consider your gifts, talents, and the ways in which you feel most alive in serving God and others. How might these be used in marriage? Or might they point to a calling to single life or religious vocation? God’s will is often aligned with the unique ways He has gifted us to contribute to His Kingdom.

Be attentive to the “signs of the times” in your life. Are there opportunities or circumstances that seem to be leading you towards marriage or singleness? While we shouldn’t base our discernment solely on external factors, God often uses life events to guide us.

Practice living in the present moment, embracing your current state of life fully. Whether single or in a relationship, seek to love and serve God wholeheartedly now. This openness and faithfulness will prepare your heart to receive whatever vocation God has in store for you.

Finally, trust in God’s goodness and perfect timing. Discernment is not about anxiously trying to figure out a hidden plan, but about growing in relationship with a loving Father who wants what is best for you. As you seek His will, rest in the assurance of Romans 8:28: “We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.”

What are the potential spiritual benefits of remaining single?

While the vocation to marriage is beautiful and holy, the state of Christian singleness also offers unique opportunities for spiritual growth and service to God’s Kingdom. Let us reflect on some of the potential spiritual benefits of remaining single, always remembering that every state of life has its own graces and challenges.

Singleness can provide a special freedom to devote oneself wholly to the Lord. As St. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:32-34, “The unmarried man is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to please the Lord; but the married man is anxious about worldly affairs, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided.” This undivided attention to the things of God can lead to a deep and intimate relationship with Christ.(Byun, 2015)

Singleness often allows for greater flexibility in serving others and responding to God’s call. Without the responsibilities of spouse and children, one may be more available to engage in ministry, mission work, or service to the poor and marginalized. This freedom can be a powerful witness to the love of Christ and the reality of His Kingdom.(Fiand, 2013)

The single life can foster a deeper dependence on God and the Christian community. While this may initially seem challenging, it can lead to a powerful experience of God’s provision and the richness of spiritual friendships. As one learns to find their primary identity and security in Christ, rather than in a human relationship, a deep spiritual maturity can develop.

Singleness provides unique opportunities for self-reflection and personal growth. The time and space that might otherwise be devoted to a spouse and family can be used for prayer, study, and the cultivation of virtues. This focused attention on one’s spiritual life can lead to major progress in holiness.(Fiand, 2013)

For some, singleness may allow for a more radical commitment to simplicity and detachment from worldly concerns. This can free one to live more fully for the Kingdom of God, embracing a lifestyle of generosity and trust in divine providence.

The single life can also be a powerful witness to the sufficiency of Christ and the reality of spiritual fruitfulness that is not dependent on physical procreation. It points to the eschatological reality where, as Jesus teaches, there will be no marriage (Matthew 22:30).(Byun, 2015)

Singleness can cultivate a particular empathy and availability to others who may be lonely or struggling. The single person, having experienced their own journey of finding fulfillment in Christ alone, can offer unique comfort and wisdom to others.

These benefits are potentials, not guarantees. Living a spiritually fruitful single life requires intentionality, grace, and a continual surrender to God’s will. It is not always easy, but it can be a path of great joy and spiritual growth.

Remember, that whether married or single, our ultimate calling is to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love our neighbor as ourselves. Singleness, when embraced as a gift from God, can be a beautiful way of living out this commandment and bearing witness to the love of Christ in the world.

How can I find contentment in Christ whether single or married?

The quest for contentment is at the heart of our spiritual journey, regardless of our state in life. Whether we find ourselves single or married, our deepest fulfillment comes from our relationship with Jesus Christ. Let us reflect on how we can nurture this contentment in Him.

We must anchor ourselves in the powerful truth of God’s unconditional love for us. As St. Paul reminds us, nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:38-39). This love is not dependent on our marital status or any external circumstance. When we truly internalize this reality, it becomes a wellspring of joy and peace that transcends our life situation.(Köstenberger, 2011)

Cultivate a rich prayer life that allows you to experience intimacy with Christ. Spend time in silent adoration, allowing His presence to fill you and satisfy the deepest longings of your heart. As St. Augustine famously said, “Our hearts are restless until they rest in You, O Lord.” Regular participation in the sacraments, especially the Eucharist, will nourish your soul and strengthen your connection to Christ and His Church.(Camp, 2011)

Practice gratitude daily for the blessings in your life, both big and small. Contentment often flows from a heart that recognizes and appreciates God’s gifts. Whether single or married, there are unique joys and opportunities in each state. Focus on these blessings rather than what you perceive to be lacking.(Fiand, 2013)

Engage in service to others, allowing Christ’s love to flow through you. When we focus on the needs of others and seek to be a channel of God’s love, we often find our own hearts filled in the process. This outward focus can help alleviate feelings of loneliness or discontent.

Cultivate meaningful friendships and community within the Body of Christ. We are not meant to journey alone, and the support and love of fellow believers can be a great source of joy and contentment. Whether single or married, we all need the richness of Christian fellowship.(Byun, 2015)

Pursue personal growth and the development of your God-given gifts. Engage in activities that bring you joy and allow you to express your creativity. Remember that your worth and purpose are not defined by your relationship status, but by your identity as a beloved child of God.

Practice surrender and trust in God’s plan for your life. Contentment often comes when we release our own expectations and timelines, trusting that God’s timing and wisdom are perfect. As Proverbs 3:5-6 encourages us, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

Finally, keep an eternal perspective. Our ultimate fulfillment will be found in heaven, where we will experience perfect union with God. Whether married or single in this life, we are all called to this ultimate “wedding feast of the Lamb” (Revelation 19:9). Let this hope be an anchor for your soul.

Remember that contentment is not the absence of desire or struggle, but the presence of Christ in the midst of our circumstances. It is a fruit of the Spirit that grows as we abide in Him. Whether He calls you to marriage or singleness, know that His grace is sufficient for you, and His power is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

May you find in Christ the peace that surpasses all understanding, guarding your heart and mind (Philippians 4:7). And may your life, whether single or married, be a radiant witness to the all-satisfying love of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Am I called to celibacy if I haven’t found a spouse by a certain age?

The call to celibacy is not determined by age or circumstance, but by a deep, personal vocation from God. It is not a default state for those who have not yet married, but a positive calling in its own right.

Remember, our worth and purpose are not defined by our marital status, but by our identity as beloved children of God. Each of us has a unique path in life, shaped by God’s loving plan. Some are called to marriage, others to celibacy, and for many, this calling may become clear at different stages of life.

The Apostle Paul speaks of celibacy as a gift (1 Corinthians 7:7), not as a consolation prize for those who haven’t married. It is a special vocation that allows one to devote themselves more fully to God and to service of others. But this calling is not for everyone, and it should not be assumed simply because one has reached a certain age without marrying.

Discerning one’s vocation – whether to marriage or celibacy – is a process of prayer, reflection, and openness to God’s guidance. It involves listening to the deepest desires of your heart, examining your gifts and the ways you feel called to serve, and seeking wisdom from spiritual mentors.

If you find yourself single later in life, this does not necessarily mean you are called to permanent celibacy. God’s timing is not always our timing, and He may have plans for marriage in your future. What matters most is that you continue to grow in faith, love, and service, remaining open to God’s will for your life, whatever form that may take.

Remember, whether married or single, our primary calling is to love God and to love our neighbor. Focus on living out this calling fully in your current state of life, trusting that God will guide you in His perfect timing.

How can I continue to honor God in my relationships as a single person?

Honoring God in our relationships is a beautiful calling for all Christians, regardless of their marital status. As a single person, you have a unique opportunity to reflect Christ’s love in diverse ways.

Cultivate your relationship with God. This is the foundation of all other relationships. Spend time in prayer, meditation on Scripture, and worship. Allow the love of God to fill your heart, so that it may overflow into your interactions with others.

In your friendships, strive to embody the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). Be a source of encouragement and support to those around you. Practice active listening and empathy, showing genuine care for the joys and struggles of your friends.

In romantic relationships, maintain purity of heart and action. Treat potential partners with respect and dignity, recognizing them as fellow children of God. Be honest about your intentions and values. Seek to build relationships that are rooted in mutual growth in faith and virtue.

Remember also the importance of community. Engage actively in your church and faith community. Offer your gifts and talents in service to others. This not only honors God but also provides opportunities for meaningful connections and personal growth.

In your family relationships, be a source of love and support. Honor your parents, as the Commandments instruct. If you have siblings or extended family, nurture those relationships with care and attention.

In all your relationships, practice forgiveness and seek reconciliation when conflicts arise. This reflects the heart of the Gospel and honors God’s forgiveness towards us.

Finally, use your singleness as an opportunity for mission and service. You may have more flexibility to volunteer, engage in ministry, or support those in need. By using your time and resources generously, you honor God and build His kingdom.

Remember, that honoring God in relationships is not about perfection, but about sincere effort and a heart turned towards Him. When we stumble, we turn to His mercy and grace, always seeking to grow in love and holiness.

May your relationships be a testament to God’s love and a source of joy and growth for you and those around you.

What role should the church play in supporting Christian singles?

The Church has a vital role to play in supporting and nurturing all its members, including those who are single. The community of faith should be a place of welcome, inclusion, and spiritual nourishment for everyone, regardless of marital status.

The Church must affirm the dignity and value of single people. Too often, there is an unspoken assumption that marriage is the only path to a fulfilled Christian life. This is not so. The Church must clearly teach and demonstrate that singleness, whether temporary or permanent, is a valid and valuable state of life. We must recognize the unique contributions that single people make to the Body of Christ and to society at large.

The Church should provide opportunities for singles to grow in faith and community. This might include Bible study groups, prayer meetings, or social events that are not exclusively focused on couples or families. Creating spaces where single people can connect with others, share their experiences, and support one another in their faith journey is crucial.

Pastoral care for singles is another important aspect. Church leaders should be sensitive to the unique challenges and joys of single life. They should offer spiritual guidance, counseling, and support that addresses the specific needs of singles, such as dealing with loneliness, discerning vocation, or navigating relationships.

The Church can also play a role in helping singles discover and use their gifts in service to the community. By encouraging singles to take on leadership roles, participate in ministry, and engage in service projects, the Church not only benefits from their talents but also helps singles find purpose and belonging.

The Church should be mindful of the language used in sermons, teachings, and community life. Ensure that examples and illustrations don’t always center around marriage and family life, but also include the experiences of single people.

For those singles who desire marriage, the Church can provide support in the form of mentoring programs, where married couples can offer guidance and wisdom. But this should be done with sensitivity, never pressuring singles or making them feel that their current state is somehow lacking.

The Church should also address practical needs that singles might face. This could include offering financial planning workshops, creating support networks for single parents, or organizing practical help for those living alone.

The Church’s role is to be a family for all its members, married and single alike. It should be a place where everyone feels valued, supported, and empowered to live out their faith fully. By embracing and supporting its single members, the Church becomes a truer reflection of the diverse and beautiful Body of Christ.

How can I deal with loneliness and unfulfilled desires as a single person?

My the experience of loneliness and unfulfilled desires is a powerful challenge that many face, particularly those who are single. Know that you are not alone in these feelings, and that God is with you in your struggles.

It’s important to acknowledge and accept these feelings. Loneliness and unfulfilled desires are natural human experiences. They do not diminish your worth or your faith. Bring these feelings to God in honest prayer. The Psalms give us beautiful examples of pouring out our hearts to God, expressing both our joys and our sorrows.

Seek to deepen your relationship with God. In times of loneliness, remember that you are never truly alone. God promises, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5). Cultivate practices that help you experience God’s presence – prayer, meditation on Scripture, worship, and time in nature can all be ways to connect with the Divine Presence.

While God is our ultimate fulfillment, He has also created us for human connection. Actively nurture your relationships with family, friends, and your faith community. Be intentional about building deep, meaningful friendships. These connections can provide support, joy, and a sense of belonging.

Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Pursue your passions, develop your talents, and find ways to serve others. Often, when we focus on using our gifts to bless others, we find our own hearts uplifted.

Consider seeking counseling or spiritual direction. A trained professional can provide valuable support and guidance as you navigate these feelings and work towards emotional and spiritual well-being.

Remember that your worth is not determined by your relationship status. You are infinitely valuable and loved by God, just as you are. Focus on growing in virtue, character, and faith. These are the true measures of a life well-lived.

For unfulfilled desires, particularly the desire for marriage, it’s important to hold these desires with open hands. Bring them to God in prayer, but also be open to how God might be working in your life right now. Sometimes, our deepest desires are fulfilled in unexpected ways.

Practice gratitude for the blessings in your life. This can help shift your focus from what you lack to the abundance you have. Each day, try to identify specific things you’re thankful for.

Finally, remember that seasons of loneliness and unfulfilled desires can be times of great spiritual growth. They can deepen our dependence on God and our empathy for others who struggle. Allow these experiences to soften your heart and increase your compassion.

Is it wrong to actively pursue marriage or should I just wait on God’s timing?

This question touches on the delicate balance between human action and divine providence. It is not wrong to desire marriage or to take steps towards finding a spouse. God often works through our actions and decisions. But this pursuit should be balanced with trust in God’s timing and plan for your life.

Actively pursuing marriage can involve several positive steps. It may mean being open to meeting new people, participating in social activities, or using appropriate avenues to connect with potential partners who share your values. It can also involve personal growth – working on becoming the kind of person you hope to marry.

But this pursuit should be grounded in prayer and discernment. Seek God’s guidance in your search. Ask Him to lead you to the right person and to prepare your heart for marriage. Be open to His direction, which may sometimes lead you in unexpected ways.

Remember that “actively pursuing” does not mean desperately searching or compromising your values. It means being intentional and open, while still trusting in God’s plan. Your primary focus should always be on growing in your relationship with God and becoming the person He has called you to be.

It’s also important to maintain a healthy perspective. While marriage can be a beautiful vocation, it is not the only path to a fulfilled life. Don’t let the pursuit of marriage become an idol or the sole focus of your life. Continue to invest in your faith, your friendships, your work, and your personal growth.

Waiting on God’s timing doesn’t mean passive inaction. It means actively living your current life to the fullest, growing in faith and character, while remaining open to God’s leading. It means trusting that God’s plan for your life is good, even if it doesn’t match your timeline or expectations.

If you feel called to marriage, it’s appropriate to take steps in that direction. But do so with an attitude of openness and surrender to God’s will. Be willing to adjust your plans if you sense God leading you differently.

Remember the words of Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” This balance of trust and action is key.

Whether you are actively pursuing marriage or waiting, the most important thing is to keep your heart centered on God. Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and trust that He will provide for all your needs – including the desire for companionship – in His perfect timing.

May you find peace and joy in your journey, knowing that you are loved and guided by a God who desires your ultimate good.

Bibliography:

Ajibade, B. O., & Mwalillanda, P. (2024). Foste