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Japanese “The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom’s voice.”
John 3:29
Marry Them Well
How to officiate a Christian wedding
Ten Lessons for anyone a friend or relative has asked to marry them. You learn what an officiant does and doesn’t do, how to be authorised in the place the wedding is held, how to plan the ceremony with the couple, and how to write and lead a Christian service: the welcome, the readings, a short homily, the vows and rings, the prayers and the blessing. Each Lesson writes one part of their ceremony, so by the end of Lesson 8 the whole script is done, ready to print in large type and read from on the day.
10 Lessons · About 2 hours · $149 · Lesson 1 free to read
Who the course is for.
If a friend has asked you to marry them.
You said yes, and now there’s a date. You may never have spoken in front of a crowd, and you’re not a pastor. Lesson 1 sets out what you have agreed to, and Lessons 4 to 8 walk you through writing the service one part at a time.
If you’re not sure you’re allowed to.
Lesson 2 explains how a friend becomes authorised in most US states, the places where online ordination causes trouble, and what to ask the clerk who issued the licence. It also sets out why some Christians are uneasy about online ordination, and what to ask your own pastor.
If the couple’s faith isn’t the same as yours, or theirs isn’t the same as each other’s.
Lesson 3 covers planning the ceremony with them, including couples where one partner doesn’t believe or neither goes to church, and how to keep the service Christian without preaching at the guests. Lesson 1 says plainly which weddings a friend should leave to a priest: a Catholic or Orthodox partner’s church wedding, or a wedding held in an Episcopal church. A United Methodist church lets someone else lead only with its pastor’s consent. The Lesson also says what you can still do at a wedding you can’t lead.
Ten Lessons in three Parts.
Each Lesson ends with a short practice and a prayer. From Lesson 3 to Lesson 8, the practice writes one part of the couple’s ceremony.
Part 1
You Said Yes
Three Lessons for the weeks after you agree. What an officiant does and whose wedding a friend can lead, what the law asks of you, and the first long conversation with the couple.
01
What You’ve Agreed To
What does an officiant do, and is this a wedding I should lead?
What an officiant does and doesn’t do, and why churches answer that differently. Most Protestant churches teach that the couple marry each other while the officiant leads and witnesses. The Catholic Church teaches that the spouses are the ministers of the sacrament and that the priest receives their consent for the Church. In the Orthodox service of Crowning, the priest blesses the couple and crowns them. The Lesson explains whose weddings a friend should not lead, and gives you the questions to ask the couple before you agree to anything else.
02
Making It Legal
What does the law ask of me, and who can tell me the rules for this wedding?
What makes a wedding legal in most US states: a licence, a declaration before witnesses, an authorised officiant, signatures and a deadline. It covers the routes to being authorised, the places where online ordination is refused or needs registering first, and how to fill in and return the licence. A short practice quiz checks what you must do and when to ask the clerk. A closing section covers England and Wales, Scotland, Australia and Canada.
03
Sitting Down with the Couple
What do I need to ask the couple before I write a word?
The planning conversation: their story, their churches, what they want said and left out, family situations, readers, timings and the venue’s rules. You plan a ceremony with them; you don’t counsel them. Practice: the first part of their script, the couple themselves.
Part 2
Writing the Ceremony
Five Lessons that write the whole ceremony with you, in the order it is spoken, from the order of service to the blessing.
04
The Shape of a Christian Wedding
What happens in a Christian wedding, and in what order?
The order of service from the processional to the recessional, where that order comes from, and which parts are essential and which are optional. A diagram shows the whole ceremony with its timings. Practice: their order of service.
05
The Welcome and the Readings
What do I say first, and which Scriptures do we read?
The opening words that gather everyone, from the old Prayer Book’s “Dearly beloved” to plain modern ones, and how to choose one or two readings with the couple. Practice: the welcome and the readings.
06
The Homily
What do I say in the homily, and for how long?
A five-to-seven-minute address built on one passage and the couple’s story, and what to leave out. Practice: the homily.
07
The Declaration, the Vows and the Rings
What do the couple promise, and in what words?
The question that makes the marriage legal in most places, the traditional vows of several churches side by side, vows the couple write themselves, and the words for the rings. Practice: the declaration, vows and rings.
08
Prayers, the Pronouncement and the Blessing
How do I end the ceremony?
The prayer for the couple, leading the Lord’s Prayer, the pronouncement, the ancient blessing from Numbers 6 and the presentation, and how to handle communion, unity candles and other additions. Practice: the close of the service. The script is now complete.
Part 3
The Day
The rehearsal and the wedding day itself, from where everyone stands to the signed licence on its way back to the clerk.
09
The Rehearsal
How do I run the rehearsal so everyone knows where to stand and when to move?
Running it, the cues, the order of the processional, and who holds the rings and the licence. A diagram shows where everyone stands. Practice: your rehearsal plan.
10
On the Day, and After
What do I bring, what do I do if something goes wrong, and what happens to the licence afterwards?
What to bring and wear, your voice and nerves, what to do if a ring drops or you lose your place, and then signing the licence and returning it on time.
How a Lesson reads.
From Lesson 1, What You’ve Agreed To
Near the end of the marriage service in the American Book of Common Prayer of 1928, the minister speaks to the congregation and tells them what has just happened. “FORASMUCH as N. and N. have consented together in holy wedlock, and have witnessed the same before God and this company, and thereto have given and pledged their troth, each to the other, and have declared the same by giving and receiving a Ring, and by joining hands; I pronounce that they are Man and Wife, In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.”
Look at who does what in that sentence. The couple consented. The couple pledged their troth, each to the other. The couple gave and received a ring. The minister’s part comes last, and it is to say aloud, in the name of the Trinity, what the couple have done.
That is close to the job you have said yes to.
The rest of Lesson 1 sets out the four parts of the work: planning the service with the couple, leading it, witnessing their promises and making it legal. It sets the Protestant, Catholic and Orthodox answers to “who makes the marriage?” side by side, and explains when the couple’s own church has a say. It answers whether someone who isn’t a pastor can lead a Christian wedding, and ends with six questions to ask the couple before you agree to anything else, and a prayer for the one who said yes.
A page of the large-print script as the script builder is specified to print it: each step headed with who leads it, the cues in italic, the words in large type and a margin for notes. The names are made up.
Marry Them Well
What comes with the course.
- Ten Lessons, about two hours in all.
- A script builder that holds the couple’s ceremony as you write it, Lesson by Lesson, with the readings, vows and prayers ready to choose from. It prints a large-print script to read from on the day.
- An editable script to download, for anyone who would rather write in Word or Google Docs.
- A rehearsal plan and a licence checklist to print.
$149
paid once, or three monthly payments of $52. The course is yours to keep.
Members pay $134.10, or three payments of $46.80.
If the course is not what you needed, write to us within 30 days for a full refund.
Already have an account? Log in before you buy, so the course is added to it.
Written for every church.
Christians marry in every church, and they don’t all mean the same thing by it. Some churches call marriage a sacrament and some a covenant. Some say the couple marry each other and some say the priest marries them. Some never let anyone but their own clergy lead a wedding. The course labels these differences and doesn’t rule between them. It also tells you plainly when a wedding belongs to the couple’s own priest or minister.
Each church in its own words
- Catholicthe Code of Canon Law (1983) and the Catechism of the Catholic Church
- OrthodoxIsabel Hapgood’s Service Book of the Holy Orthodox-Catholic Apostolic Church (1906)
- Anglican and Episcopalthe Book of Common Prayer (the American editions of 1928 and 1979)
- MethodistJohn Wesley’s Sunday Service of the Methodists in North America (1784)
- Reformed and Presbyterianthe Westminster Assembly’s Directory for the Publick Worship of God (1645) and the Book of Common Worship (1906)
- Lutheranthe Common Service Book (1917)
- BaptistEdward Hiscox’s Star Book for Ministers (1878)
Many Baptist, Pentecostal and non-denominational churches have no set wedding service, and the course shows how their ministers usually build one.
Scripture and sources.
Bible passages are quoted from the World English Bible. Every other quotation links to its source at the end of the Lesson, and the legal sections link to the statute, court or clerk’s page they come from.
Questions before you buy.
When does it open?
It isn’t on sale yet. Leave your email and we’ll write when it opens.
Can I read some of it first?
Yes. Once the course opens, Lesson 1 is free to read, with no account and no payment.
How much does it cost?
$149, paid once, or three monthly payments of $52. The payments stop after the third, and either way the course stays in your account. Christian Pure Members get 10% off if they log in before they buy.
Will this make me legally able to marry them?
No. The course doesn’t ordain anyone. It explains the usual routes to being authorised, names the places where they cause trouble, and sends you to the clerk who issued the couple’s licence, who has the final word.
Can I officiate if the couple are Catholic or Orthodox?
Usually not, if they want their church to recognise the marriage. The Catholic Church requires a priest or deacon unless the bishop dispenses, and the Orthodox Church requires a priest. Lesson 1 explains why, and what a friend can still do.
What if the couple don’t go to church?
Many couples who ask a friend don’t. Lesson 3 covers planning a Christian ceremony with them, and Lesson 6 how to speak of God honestly when half the room doesn’t believe.
Do I have to write everything from scratch?
No. The script builder holds the readings, vows, prayers and blessings from several churches’ public-domain services, and you add the couple’s names, their story and your homily.
Is this marriage counselling?
No. Preparing the couple for marriage belongs to their pastor or a marriage-preparation course. This course teaches you to plan and lead the ceremony.
What emails will I get?
On the waitlist, one email when the course opens, and our Sunday Letter each week. Every email has an unsubscribe link.
What if it’s not what I needed?
Write to us within 30 days of buying and we’ll refund you in full.
How long does it take?
About two hours in all, in ten Lessons of ten to fourteen minutes. Most people take it over a week or two, a month or more before the wedding.
Marry Them Well
God gave Moses the words that Aaron and his sons were to say over Israel, and they are among the oldest blessings in Scripture: “Yahweh bless you, and keep you. Yahweh make his face to shine on you, and be gracious to you. Yahweh lift up his face toward you, and give you peace.”
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