Christian Dating: A Beginner’s Guide

What does the Bible say about dating and relationships?

While the Bible does not speak directly about “dating” as we know it today, it provides timeless wisdom to guide our relationships. At its core, Scripture calls us to love God and love our neighbor as ourselves. This foundational teaching shapes how we approach romantic relationships.

The Bible emphasizes purity, self-control, and treating others with respect and honor. As St. Paul writes, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-4). This teaches us that boundaries in dating are not meant to restrict love, but to protect and nurture it(Morrow, 2016).

In dating, we are called to see the other person as made in God’s image, worthy of dignity and respect. This means avoiding exploitation or treating someone as an object for our own gratification. Instead, we are to build each other up in faith and encourage one another’s spiritual growth.

The Bible also warns against becoming too emotionally or physically intimate before marriage. “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23). This reminds us to be wise in how quickly we open ourselves to another, protecting our emotions and purity(Morrow, 2016).

Scripture provides examples of courtship, such as the story of Ruth and Boaz, which demonstrates patience, respect, and seeking God’s guidance in the process of finding a spouse. We see in the Song of Solomon a celebration of romantic love within the proper context.

Biblical principles for relationships emphasize selflessness, commitment, and putting God at the center. As Ephesians 5:21 instructs, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” This mutual submission and respect forms the foundation for healthy Christian relationships(Winters, 2016).

The Bible also teaches us to be equally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14), encouraging believers to seek partners who share their faith and values. This ensures a strong spiritual foundation for the relationship.

As we navigate the journey of dating, let us remember that our primary relationship is with God. Jesus teaches us to “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness” (Matthew 6:33). When we prioritize our relationship with God, He guides us in all other relationships, including romantic ones.

While the Bible may not provide a detailed “rulebook” for dating, it offers principles that, when applied with wisdom and prayer, can lead us to fulfilling, God-honoring relationships. Let us approach dating with intentionality, always seeking to honor God and treat others with love and respect. May your journey in relationships be marked by growth in faith, character, and love for God and others. As we navigate the complexities of relationships, it’s important to seek wise counsel and learn from the experiences of others. Christian dating advice can be a valuable resource, providing guidance on how to approach dating in a way that aligns with our faith and values. By seeking the wisdom of trusted mentors and being open to learning from the insights of others, we can cultivate relationships that bring glory to God.

What qualities should I look for in a potential Christian partner?

The search for a godly partner is a noble pursuit, one that requires discernment, patience, and above all, a deep reliance on God’s guidance. As you seek a potential Christian partner, remember that you are looking not just for a companion, but for someone with whom you can build a life of faith and service to God.

Look for someone whose heart is truly devoted to the Lord. This is the foundation upon which all other qualities rest. As the Scriptures tell us, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” (Proverbs 31:30). A genuine love for God will manifest itself in various aspects of their life – their character, their priorities, and their relationships with others(Cloud & Townsend, 2009).

Seek someone who demonstrates the fruits of the Spirit in their daily life: “love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23). These qualities are evidence of a life transformed by Christ and will contribute to a healthy, God-honoring relationship(Cloud & Townsend, 2009).

Look for a person who is committed to growing in their faith. This means they should be actively involved in a church community, regularly studying God’s Word, and seeking to apply biblical principles in their life. As iron sharpens iron, your relationship should be one where you encourage and challenge each other to grow closer to Christ(Cloud & Townsend, 2009).

Consider their character and integrity. Do they demonstrate honesty, reliability, and consistency in their words and actions? Are they someone who keeps their commitments and takes responsibility for their mistakes? These qualities are crucial for building trust and a strong foundation for a potential future together(Cloud & Townsend, 2009).

Observe how they treat others, especially those who cannot benefit them. Jesus taught us to love our neighbors as ourselves, and a person who truly follows Christ will show compassion, kindness, and respect to all people, regardless of their status or what they can offer in return(Cloud & Townsend, 2009).

Look for someone who shares your values and vision for life. While you don’t need to agree on everything, having alignment on core issues such as faith, family, and life goals is important for long-term compatibility. Can you envision serving God together and supporting each other’s callings?(Cloud & Townsend, 2009)

Pay attention to how they handle conflict and difficulties. A mature Christian will approach challenges with grace, humility, and a willingness to seek reconciliation. The ability to communicate openly, forgive readily, and work through problems together is essential for a healthy relationship(Cloud & Townsend, 2009).

Consider their emotional and spiritual maturity. Are they self-aware and able to reflect on their own growth areas? Do they take responsibility for their emotions and actions rather than blaming others? A partner who is emotionally mature will contribute to a more stable and fulfilling relationship(Cloud & Townsend, 2009).

Finally, look for someone who inspires you to be a better follower of Christ. Your relationship should be mutually edifying, encouraging both of you to grow in your faith and to live out your calling more fully(Cloud & Townsend, 2009).

As you search for a Christian partner, continue to work on your own spiritual growth and character. Pray for wisdom and guidance, and trust in God’s timing and plan for your life. May your pursuit of a godly relationship be a testament to Christ’s love and bring glory to His name.

How important is it to date someone who shares my faith?

The question of dating someone who shares your faith is of powerful importance, touching the very core of your spiritual journey and your future. As we reflect on this, let us remember that our faith is not merely a part of our lives, but the foundation upon which we build everything else.

The Scriptures teach us, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14). This passage, while often applied to marriage, holds wisdom for dating relationships as well. It reminds us that our deepest values and beliefs shape every aspect of our lives(Cloud & Townsend, 2009).

Dating someone who shares your faith is crucial because it allows for spiritual intimacy, which is the deepest form of connection between two people. When you and your partner share the same fundamental beliefs about God, salvation, and the purpose of life, you can support and encourage each other in your spiritual journeys. You can pray together, study Scripture together, and serve God together, creating a bond that goes beyond mere emotional or physical attraction(Cloud & Townsend, 2009).

Sharing your faith with your dating partner provides a common foundation for decision-making and problem-solving. When faced with life’s challenges, you can turn to the same source of wisdom and guidance. This shared perspective can help you navigate conflicts and make important life choices in a way that honors God(Cloud & Townsend, 2009).

It’s also important to consider the long-term implications of dating someone who doesn’t share your faith. If you’re seeking a lifelong partner, remember that your faith will influence major life decisions, such as how to raise children, how to manage finances, and how to spend your time and resources. Sharing your faith with your partner makes it more likely that you’ll be aligned on these crucial issues(Cloud & Townsend, 2009).

But this doesn’t mean that you should completely isolate yourself from those who don’t share your faith. As Christians, we are called to be salt and light in the world (Matthew 5:13-16). We should have meaningful friendships and interactions with people of different beliefs. But when it comes to romantic relationships, which involve a deeper level of intimacy and commitment, it is wise to seek someone who shares your core values and beliefs(Cloud & Townsend, 2009).

If you find yourself already in a relationship with someone who doesn’t share your faith, approach the situation with prayer and wisdom. While it’s not impossible for such relationships to work, they often face major challenges. If you choose to continue the relationship, be clear about your faith and its importance in your life. Pray for your partner and be a living example of Christ’s love, but also be prepared to set boundaries to protect your own spiritual well-being(Cloud & Townsend, 2009).

Remember, that being equally yoked in faith is not about finding someone perfect, but about finding someone who is committed to growing in Christ alongside you. Look for a partner who challenges you to deepen your faith, who supports your spiritual growth, and with whom you can build a life centered on God’s love and purpose.

What are appropriate physical boundaries in Christian dating?

We must recognize that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). This powerful truth calls us to treat our own bodies and those of others with reverence and respect. In dating, this means being mindful of how we express physical affection, always seeking to uplift and honor rather than to gratify selfish desires(Winters, 2016).

While the Bible does not provide a detailed “rulebook” for physical boundaries in dating, it does offer principles to guide us. The overarching call is to purity and self-control. As we read in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God.”(Winters, 2016)

In light of this, I suggest that Christian couples prayerfully consider the following guidelines:

1. Refrain from sexual intercourse and other explicitly sexual activities before marriage. This honors God’s design for sex within the covenant of marriage(Winters, 2016).
2. Be cautious with passionate kissing and prolonged embraces, which can awaken sexual desires prematurely (Song of Solomon 2:7)(Winters, 2016).
3. Avoid being alone in private settings that could lead to temptation. As Proverbs 4:23 reminds us, “Above all else, guard your heart.”(Winters, 2016)
4. Express affection in ways that are comfortable for both partners and do not cause either to stumble. This may include holding hands, brief hugs, or a kiss on the cheek(Winters, 2016).
5. Discuss and agree upon physical boundaries early in the relationship, revisiting them as needed. Open communication helps prevent misunderstandings and promotes mutual respect(Winters, 2016).

Remember, that these boundaries are not meant to diminish love, but to protect and nurture it. They create a safe space for emotional and spiritual intimacy to grow, allowing you to truly know one another’s hearts and minds(Winters, 2016).

It is also important to recognize that what may be appropriate for one couple may not be for another. Some may need stricter boundaries due to past struggles or personal convictions. We must be sensitive to the guidance of the Holy Spirit and respect each other’s limits without judgment(Winters, 2016).

Be mindful that physical touch, even when not explicitly sexual, can be a powerful force. As the Scriptures teach, “It is good for a man not to touch a woman” (1 Corinthians 7:1). This doesn’t mean all touch is forbidden, but it reminds us to be cautious and respectful in our physical interactions(Winters, 2016).

If you stumble, remember that God’s grace is abundant. Seek forgiveness, learn from the experience, and recommit to honoring God in your relationship. Let us encourage one another to “flee from sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians 6:18) and instead pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace (2 Timothy 2:22)(Winters, 2016).

By setting and respecting physical boundaries, you create an environment where true love – patient, kind, and selfless – can flourish. You also demonstrate your commitment to honoring God and each other in your relationship. May your dating relationships be a testament to God’s love and a source of joy and growth as you journey together in faith.

How do I navigate sexual temptation while dating?

First, we must acknowledge that sexual desire is a natural part of our human experience, created by God Himself. As the Song of Solomon beautifully illustrates, romantic and physical attraction are gifts from God. But like all gifts, they must be stewarded with wisdom and reverence for God’s design(Thomas, 2013).

The challenge lies in managing these desires within the context of Christian dating. The apostle Paul offers us guidance: “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-4). This call to self-control is at the heart of navigating sexual temptation(Winters, 2016).

To help in this journey, consider the following practical steps:

1. Pray for strength and wisdom. Jesus taught us to pray, “Lead us not into temptation” (Matthew 6:13). Make this a regular part of your prayer life, both individually and as a couple(Stanley et al., 2013).
2. Set clear boundaries early in the relationship. Discuss and agree upon physical limits that honor God and protect both of you. Be specific and realistic, understanding that these boundaries may need to be adjusted as the relationship progresses(Winters, 2016).
3. Avoid situations that may lead to temptation. Be mindful of spending time alone in private settings, especially late at night or in emotionally charged moments(Winters, 2016).
4. Keep your relationship balanced. Focus on building emotional and spiritual intimacy alongside physical attraction. Engage in activities that nurture your faith and allow you to see each other’s character in various contexts(Cloud & Townsend, 2009).
5. Be accountable to others. Involve trusted friends, family members, or mentors in your relationship. Their support and perspective can be invaluable in maintaining your commitment to purity(Winters, 2016).
6. If you stumble, seek forgiveness and recommit. Remember, God’s grace is abundant. Learn from your mistakes and use them as opportunities for growth and renewed commitment(Winters, 2016).

Sexual temptation often intensifies as a relationship deepens. This is natural and even a sign of a healthy attraction. But it also means that vigilance and commitment to your boundaries become increasingly important(Thomas, 2013).

Remember the wisdom of Scripture: “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body” (1 Corinthians 6:18). When temptation arises, sometimes the wisest action is to physically remove yourself from the situation, following the example of Joseph when tempted by Potiphar’s wife(Winters, 2016).

Navigating sexual temptation is not just about avoiding sin; it’s about cultivating a deeper, more meaningful relationship. By choosing to honor God and each other in this area, you create space for genuine intimacy to grow – intimacy that encompasses the physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of your relationship.

Lastly, remember that this journey is not meant to be walked alone. Lean on your faith community for support and encouragement. Share your struggles with trusted friends who can pray with you and hold you accountable. And above all, continually seek God’s presence and guidance in your relationship.

What role should prayer play in my dating relationships?

Prayer is essential in all aspects of our lives, including our dating relationships. It is through prayer that we open our hearts to God’s wisdom and guidance. In the context of dating, prayer serves multiple vital purposes.

First, prayer helps align our desires with God’s will. As you embark on a dating relationship, bring your hopes, fears, and decisions before the Lord. Ask Him to purify your intentions and to give you discernment. Remember the words of Psalm 37:4: “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” When we seek God first, He shapes our desires according to His perfect plan.

Secondly, prayer fosters spiritual intimacy between partners. Praying together can be a powerful way to deepen your connection and grow in faith as a couple. As you share your hearts with God in each other’s presence, you create a sacred space of vulnerability and trust. This practice lays a strong foundation for a God-centered relationship.

Research has shown that couples who pray together experience greater relationship satisfaction and commitment. A study by Fincham, Beach, Lambert, Stillman, and Braithwaite found that praying for one’s partner was associated with increased relationship satisfaction over time. Prayer had effects above and beyond other positive behaviors in relationships.

Prayer provides strength and guidance during challenging times. Every relationship faces difficulties, and turning to God together in those moments can bring comfort, clarity, and renewed hope. As St. Paul reminds us in Philippians 4:6-7, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Finally, prayer helps us maintain proper perspective. It reminds us that our ultimate fulfillment comes from God, not our partner. This guards against unhealthy dependency and keeps Christ at the center of the relationship.

Remember that prayer is not a magical formula to guarantee a perfect relationship. Rather, it is a means of inviting God into every aspect of your dating life, trusting in His loving guidance. Make prayer a consistent practice, both individually and as a couple. Seek God’s will earnestly, and allow His peace to guide your hearts as you navigate the joys and challenges of dating.

What are signs that a dating relationship is healthy and God-honoring?

A God-honoring relationship is rooted in shared faith and values. Both partners should have a personal relationship with Christ and a commitment to growing in their faith. As 2 Corinthians 6:14 reminds us, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.” This doesn’t mean you must agree on every theological point, but your core beliefs and spiritual goals should align. You should feel comfortable discussing matters of faith and encouraging each other’s spiritual growth.

Secondly, look for mutual respect and support. A healthy relationship is characterized by kindness, patience, and a genuine desire to see the other person flourish. You should feel valued for who you are, not just for what you can offer. Your partner should encourage your dreams and aspirations, even those that don’t directly involve them. This reflects the selfless love described in 1 Corinthians 13.

Another important sign is open and honest communication. You should feel safe expressing your thoughts, feelings, and concerns without fear of judgment or rejection. Healthy couples address conflicts with grace and a willingness to understand each other’s perspectives. They seek resolution rather than victory in disagreements.

Purity and self-control are also crucial indicators of a God-honoring relationship. While physical attraction is natural and good, a couple committed to honoring God will set and respect appropriate boundaries. They will encourage each other’s walk with Christ rather than being a source of temptation. As 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 instructs, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable.”

A healthy relationship also maintains balance with other important aspects of life. It doesn’t isolate you from family, friends, or church community. Instead, it integrates well with these relationships and allows you to continue growing as an individual.

Look for signs of spiritual fruit in your relationship. Does your partner bring out the best in you? Do you find yourself growing in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23) as a result of your relationship? A God-honoring partnership should help both individuals become more Christ-like.

Finally, a healthy relationship is characterized by a shared vision for the future. While you don’t need to have everything figured out, you should be able to discuss your hopes, dreams, and goals openly. Your visions for family, ministry, and life purpose should be compatible and mutually supportive.

Remember, no relationship is perfect. Even in the healthiest partnerships, there will be challenges and areas for growth. The key is a mutual commitment to putting God first and working together to build a relationship that reflects His love and grace. If you find these signs present in your relationship, be grateful and continue nurturing them. If some are lacking, prayerfully consider how you can grow in those areas together.

How do I know if someone is “the one” God has for me?

The question of finding “the one” God has for you is one that many young Christians grapple with. While the desire to find God’s perfect match is understandable, I encourage you to approach this matter with both faith and wisdom.

First, we must recognize that the concept of “the one” as a predestined soulmate is not explicitly taught in Scripture. God gives us the freedom to choose our spouse, guided by His principles and wisdom. Instead of searching for a mystical sign, focus on seeking God’s will and growing in your own faith and character.

That being said, there are several important factors to consider when discerning if someone could be a suitable life partner:

1. Shared faith: The most crucial aspect is that your potential spouse shares your commitment to Christ. As 2 Corinthians 6:14 advises, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.” A shared faith provides a strong foundation for a lasting, God-centered marriage.
2. Character and values: Look for someone who demonstrates the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) and whose values align with yours. Pay attention to how they treat others, handle conflicts, and make decisions.
3. Compatibility: While no two people are perfectly compatible, you should have enough in common to build a life together. This includes shared goals, communication styles, and visions for the future.
4. Mutual respect and support: A godly partnership is characterized by mutual encouragement and a desire to see each other grow in faith and pursue God’s calling.
5. Peace and clarity: While feelings can be misleading, there should be an overall sense of peace about the relationship. As Colossians 3:15 says, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts.”
6. Confirmation from trusted advisors: Seek counsel from mature Christians who know you well. Their objective insights can be invaluable in discerning the health of your relationship.
7. Willingness to commit: Both partners should be ready and willing to make a lifelong commitment, understanding that marriage requires ongoing work and sacrifice.

Remember, my children, that God’s will is not a mystery to be solved, but a relationship to be lived. Instead of anxiously searching for “the one,” focus on becoming the person God is calling you to be. As you grow in Christ and seek His kingdom first (Matthew 6:33), He will guide your path.

Pray for wisdom and discernment, but don’t expect a supernatural sign or voice from heaven. God typically works through the ordinary means of Scripture, prayer, wise counsel, and the peace He gives us as we walk in obedience.

If you find someone who meets these criteria and you both feel led to pursue marriage, you can move forward with confidence. Trust that as you seek to honor God in your relationship, He will bless your union and use it for His glory.

Remember also that there is no perfect person or perfect marriage. Every relationship requires work, grace, and a commitment to grow together. The goal is not to find a flawless partner, but to find someone with whom you can build a Christ-centered marriage that reflects God’s love to the world.

What if my partner and I are at different stages in our faith journey?

First, we must recognize that spiritual growth is a lifelong process. As St. Paul reminds us in Philippians 1:6, “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Each person’s journey with Christ is unique, and we must be patient with ourselves and others as we grow in faith.

But major differences in spiritual maturity or commitment can create tension in a relationship. If you find yourself in this situation, here are some important considerations:

1. Assess the nature of the difference: Is it a matter of knowledge, experience, or commitment? Sometimes, one partner may simply have had more opportunities to learn and grow in their faith. In other cases, there may be a fundamental difference in commitment to Christ. Understanding the root of the disparity is crucial.
2. Communicate openly and honestly: Discuss your spiritual lives, goals, and concerns with each other. Create a safe space where both partners can express their thoughts and feelings without judgment. Remember the wisdom of Proverbs 15:1, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
3. Focus on your own growth: While it’s natural to want your partner to grow, remember that you can only control your own spiritual journey. Continue to deepen your own relationship with Christ, setting an example of faith in action.
4. Encourage without pressuring: Support your partner’s spiritual growth, but avoid becoming preachy or judgmental. Pray for them, invite them to participate in spiritual activities with you, and be ready to answer questions they may have.
5. Seek common ground: Find ways to connect spiritually that are meaningful for both of you. This might include reading Scripture together, praying as a couple, or serving in a ministry that aligns with both your interests.
6. Be patient: Spiritual growth takes time. Trust in God’s timing and work in your partner’s life. As 2 Peter 3:9 reminds us, “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”
7. Seek wise counsel: If the difference in spiritual maturity is causing major strain in your relationship, consider seeking guidance from a pastor, Christian counselor, or mature Christian couple.
8. Evaluate compatibility: If the disparity is severe – for example, if one partner is not a believer or is resistant to spiritual growth – you may need to prayerfully consider whether this relationship is wise to pursue. As 2 Corinthians 6:14 cautions, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.”

Remember, my children, that a strong, God-honoring relationship requires both partners to be actively pursuing Christ. While you don’t need to be at exactly the same place spiritually, there should be a shared commitment to growing together in faith.

If you are the partner further along in your faith journey, approach the situation with humility and grace. Remember your own need for growth and avoid a judgmental attitude. As St. Francis of Assisi wisely said, “Preach the Gospel at all times. When necessary, use words.” Your loving example can be a powerful witness.

If you are the partner who feels less spiritually mature, be open to growth and learning. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and express your doubts. Seek God earnestly and allow your partner to support and encourage you in your faith journey.

How can I prepare myself spiritually for dating and marriage?

Deepen your relationship with God. As Jesus teaches us in Matthew 6:33, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Make your spiritual growth a priority. Develop a consistent prayer life, study Scripture diligently, and actively participate in your faith community. Remember, the strongest marriages are those where both partners are primarily focused on their relationship with God.

Cultivate self-awareness and work on personal growth. Reflect on your strengths, weaknesses, and areas where you need to mature. Are there patterns of sin or unhealthy behaviors that you need to address? Seek God’s healing and transformation in these areas. As Proverbs 4:23 advises, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

Learn to practice forgiveness and grace. In any relationship, there will be times when you are hurt or disappointed. Cultivate a forgiving spirit, remembering how much God has forgiven you. As Colossians 3:13 instructs, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

Develop emotional maturity and communication skills. Learn to express your feelings in healthy ways and to listen empathetically to others. Practice resolving conflicts with grace and understanding. These skills will be invaluable in a dating relationship and marriage.

Guard your purity. In a culture that often devalues sexual purity, commit to honoring God with your body and mind. As 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 reminds us, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable.” Set clear boundaries in your dating relationships and seek accountability from trusted friends or mentors.

Cultivate a servant’s heart. Marriage, at its core, is about selfless love and service. Look for opportunities to serve others in your church and community. This will help prepare you for the self-sacrifice required in a godly marriage.

Seek wisdom and counsel. Proverbs 15:22 tells us, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” Develop relationships with mature Christians who can offer guidance and perspective. Learn from the experiences of godly married couples.

Work on financial stewardship. Many marital conflicts revolve around finances. Learn to budget, save, and give generously. Develop a biblical perspective on money and possessions.

Cultivate contentment in your current season. Whether you’re single or dating, learn to find joy and purpose in your present circumstances. Trust in God’s timing and plan for your life. As Paul writes in Philippians 4:11-13, “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances… I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

Pray for your future spouse, even before you meet them. Ask God to be working in their life, preparing them just as He is preparing you. Pray for wisdom and discernment in your dating decisions.

Remember, my children, that preparing for dating and marriage is not about achieving perfection. We are all works in progress, growing in grace day by day. The goal is to cultivate a heart that is open to God’s leading, ready to love sacrificially, and committed to honoring Christ in all aspects of life.

As you prepare yourself spiritually, trust in God’s faithfulness. He loves you and desires your good. Whether marriage is in His plan for you or not, know that as you seek Him first, He will guide your path and fulfill His purpose for your life.

What does Christian courtship look like in modern times?

Christian courtship is a purposeful relationship between a man and a woman who are prayerfully considering marriage. It is distinct from casual dating in its intentionality and focus on spiritual growth and compatibility. In modern times, this may look different for each couple, but there are some key elements that should be present.

Christian courtship should be centered on Christ. This means that both individuals should be committed to growing in their faith, both individually and as a couple. Prayer, Bible study, and involvement in a church community should be integral parts of the relationship. As the Apostle Paul reminds us, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14). This doesn’t mean that both partners must be at the same level of spiritual maturity, but rather that they share a common faith and vision for their life together.

Secondly, Christian courtship should be characterized by purity and self-control. In a world that often promotes instant gratification and casual physical intimacy, Christian couples are called to a higher standard. This means setting appropriate physical boundaries and guarding each other’s hearts and bodies. As we read in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable.”

In practical terms, this might involve agreeing on physical boundaries early in the relationship, being accountable to trusted friends or mentors, and avoiding situations that could lead to temptation. It’s important to remember that these boundaries are not meant to restrict love, but to protect and nurture it.

Thirdly, modern Christian courtship should involve open and honest communication. This includes discussing your values, goals, and expectations for marriage. It means being transparent about your past, your struggles, and your dreams for the future. As Proverbs 24:26 tells us, “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.” This level of honesty builds trust and helps couples discern whether they are truly compatible for marriage.

In our digital age, communication might involve not just face-to-face conversations, but also thoughtful use of technology. While social media and messaging apps can be useful tools for staying connected, they should not replace meaningful, in-person interactions.

Lastly, Christian courtship in modern times should involve the support and guidance of the Christian community. This might include seeking counsel from pastors, mentors, or married couples you respect. It could also involve premarital counseling or participating in marriage preparation courses offered by your church. As Proverbs 15:22 wisely states, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”

Remember, that while the outward forms of courtship may change with the times, the underlying principles of love, respect, purity, and commitment to God remain constant. May your journey of courtship be a testament to God’s love and a preparation for a Christ-centered marriage.

How do I balance pursuing marriage with trusting God’s timing?

First, we must recognize that our ultimate fulfillment comes from our relationship with God. As Saint Augustine famously said, “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.” While marriage can be a wonderful gift, it should not become an idol that we place above our relationship with God. Jesus reminds us in Matthew 6:33, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

This doesn’t mean we should be passive in our pursuit of marriage. God often works through our actions and decisions. We can actively prepare ourselves for marriage by growing in our faith, developing our character, and becoming the kind of person who would be a good spouse. This might involve seeking opportunities to serve in our church or community, working on personal growth, and learning skills that will be valuable in marriage.

At the same time, we must cultivate patience and trust in God’s timing. The Psalmist encourages us, “Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord” (Psalm 27:14). This waiting is not idle; it is an active trust that God is working even when we cannot see it. Use this time of singleness to deepen your relationship with God, to serve others, and to discover the unique gifts and calling God has given you.

In practical terms, balancing pursuit and trust might look like this: Be open to meeting potential partners through your church, social circles, or even Christian dating platforms. But approach these opportunities with a spirit of discernment, always seeking God’s guidance. Pray for your future spouse and for God’s will to be done in your life. As you meet people, focus on building friendships and getting to know them as brothers and sisters in Christ, rather than immediately evaluating them as potential spouses.

It’s also important to be honest with God about your desires and frustrations. Pour out your heart to Him in prayer, just as the Psalmists did. God is not intimidated by our emotions or questions. Bringing these to Him can deepen our intimacy with Him and help us align our hearts with His will.

Remember, too, that God’s timing and plan may look different from what we expect. Some are called to marriage early in life, others later, and some may be called to singleness. Each of these paths has its own blessings and challenges. Trust that God knows what is best for you and is working all things for your good (Romans 8:28).

Seek the counsel of wise, godly mentors who can provide perspective and guidance. They may see things in your life that you cannot, and their experience can be invaluable as you navigate this journey.

Finally, focus on becoming the right person rather than finding the right person. Work on developing the fruits of the Spirit in your life – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). These qualities will not only make you a better future spouse but will also enrich your life and relationships now.

Remember that God loves you deeply and wants what is best for you. Whether in seasons of waiting or active pursuit, keep your eyes fixed on Jesus. Trust in His perfect love and timing, knowing that He is faithful to fulfill His promises in your life. May your journey towards marriage, whatever its outcome, draw you closer to the heart of God and prepare you for the life He has planned for you.