The power of compromise: Healthy Sacrifices to Make in a Relationship

What does the Bible say about sacrificial love in relationships?

The Holy Scriptures speak profoundly about sacrificial love, particularly in the context of marriage and intimate relationships. This love is not merely an emotion, but a committed choice to put the needs of the other before one’s own, mirroring Christ’s selfless love for the Church.

In the Old Testament, we see glimpses of this sacrificial love in the Song of Songs, where the lovers declare, “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine” (Song of Songs 6:3). This mutual belonging and devotion foreshadows the deep, sacrificial bond that Christ would later exemplify.

The New Testament provides our richest understanding of sacrificial love. Our Lord Jesus himself teaches, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13). This ultimate sacrifice becomes the model for all Christian relationships.

The Apostle Paul elaborates on this theme in his letter to the Ephesians, instructing husbands to “love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). This parallel between Christ’s sacrifice and marital love elevates the concept of sacrifice in relationships to a sacred calling.

In 1 Corinthians 13, often called the “love chapter,” Paul describes the selfless nature of true love: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5). This description paints a picture of love that consistently puts the other’s needs first.

The Bible also shows us examples of sacrificial love in action. We see Ruth’s devotion to her mother-in-law Naomi, leaving her homeland to care for her. We witness Jonathan’s loyalty to David, risking his own position to protect his friend. And of course, we have the ultimate example in Jesus Christ, who “did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45).

The Bible’s message is clear: true love, especially in marriage, is characterized by sacrifice. It is a love that gives without expecting in return, that serves without seeking recognition, and that perseveres through difficulties. This sacrificial love transforms our relationships, making them a reflection of God’s love for us (Aulia et al., 2019; Sopiani et al., 2023).

How can sacrificing in a relationship reflect Christ’s love for the church?

My beloved brothers and sisters, when we sacrifice in our relationships, we participate in a beautiful mystery – we mirror Christ’s significant love for His Church. This reflection is not merely symbolic; it is a living testimony to the transformative power of divine love in our human interactions.

Consider how Christ loved the Church. He, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant (Philippians 2:6-7). In our relationships, when we set aside our own desires, comforts, or rights for the sake of our beloved, we embody this Christ-like humility.

Christ’s sacrifice for the Church was total and unconditional. “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). In our relationships, this is reflected when we love our partners not for what they can do for us, but simply because we have chosen to love them, even in their imperfections. It is love that perseveres through difficulties, that forgives readily, and that continues to give even when it is not reciprocated.

The purpose of Christ’s sacrifice was the sanctification and purification of the Church: “Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word” (Ephesians 5:25-26). In our relationships, our sacrifices should similarly aim at the growth, healing, and flourishing of our partners. When we sacrifice our time to listen, our pride to apologize, or our comfort to care for our partner in illness, we participate in this sanctifying love.

Christ’s love for the Church is also characterized by intimate knowledge and care. “He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young” (Isaiah 40:11). In our relationships, this is reflected when we take the time to truly know our partners – their hopes, fears, joys, and sorrows – and when we tenderly care for them in their vulnerabilities.

Christ’s love for the Church is enduring and faithful. He promises, “I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matthew 28:20). In our relationships, we reflect this when we remain committed through all seasons of life, in sickness and in health, in plenty and in want.

Finally, Christ’s love for the Church is life-giving. He came that we “may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10). In our relationships, our sacrifices should ultimately bring more life, joy, and fullness to our partners and to the relationship itself.

When we sacrifice in these ways, we do more than just maintain a relationship. We participate in the divine dance of love, allowing our human relationships to become windows through which the world can glimpse the magnificent love of Christ for His Church (Aulia et al., 2019; Misiaszek, 2022).

What are healthy vs. unhealthy sacrifices to make in a relationship?

Discerning between healthy and unhealthy sacrifices in a relationship is crucial for fostering a love that truly reflects Christ’s love for the Church. Let us explore this delicate balance with wisdom and compassion.

Healthy sacrifices in a relationship are those that build up both partners and strengthen the bond between them. These sacrifices are made freely, without resentment, and with the genuine well-being of the other person and the relationship in mind. They often involve giving of our time, energy, and resources to support our partner’s growth and happiness.

For example, a healthy sacrifice might be adjusting our schedule to spend quality time with our partner, even when we are busy. It could be listening attentively to our partner’s concerns, even when we are tired. It might involve compromising on certain decisions for the sake of harmony in the relationship. These sacrifices, while sometimes difficult, ultimately bring joy and fulfillment because they are expressions of genuine love.

Healthy sacrifices also respect the dignity and individuality of both partners. They do not require either person to compromise their core values, beliefs, or sense of self. Instead, they create space for both individuals to grow together, supporting each other’s dreams and aspirations. Healthy sacrifices in a relationship also involve managing jealousy in friendship – respecting the need for a partner to have meaningful connections outside the relationship while also maintaining trust and loyalty. This type of sacrifice requires open communication, empathy, and a willingness to address any feelings of insecurity or discomfort. Ultimately, healthy sacrifices in a relationship are a way of prioritizing the well-being and happiness of both partners, fostering a strong and supportive bond.

On the other hand, unhealthy sacrifices are those that diminish one’s sense of self, create resentment, or enable harmful behaviors. These sacrifices often stem from fear, guilt, or a misguided understanding of love. They can lead to an imbalance in the relationship, where one partner consistently gives while the other takes.

For instance, consistently sacrificing one’s own needs or desires to avoid conflict is unhealthy. Tolerating abusive behavior in the name of love is never acceptable. Giving up one’s personal goals, friendships, or interests entirely for the sake of a relationship is also unhealthy, as it can lead to a loss of identity and eventual resentment.

Unhealthy sacrifices often involve enabling destructive behaviors in our partner, such as addiction or irresponsibility, rather than lovingly confronting these issues. They might also involve compromising our moral or ethical standards to please our partner.

It’s important to remember that true love, as exemplified by Christ, seeks the ultimate good of the beloved. Sometimes, this might mean setting boundaries or saying “no” out of love. Jesus himself, while sacrificing everything for us, also set clear boundaries and did not enable harmful behaviors.

In your relationships, strive for sacrifices that are mutual, freely given, and life-giving. Be willing to give of yourself, but not to lose yourself. Remember the words of Saint Paul: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2).

Let your sacrifices in love be guided by wisdom, always seeking to build up your partner and your relationship in ways that honor God and reflect His perfect love (Aulia et al., 2019; K. & O, 2018; Solís-Cámara et al., 2014).

How can couples balance individual needs with sacrificing for each other?

Finding the balance between individual needs and sacrificial love in a relationship is a delicate dance, one that requires wisdom, communication, and a deep commitment to mutual growth and flourishing.

We must remember that God has created each of us as unique individuals, with our own gifts, callings, and needs. Our individuality is not erased when we enter into a relationship; rather, it is meant to be celebrated and nurtured within the context of our union. As Saint Paul reminds us, “The body is not made up of one part but of many” (1 Corinthians 12:14). In a healthy relationship, both partners should feel free to express their individuality and pursue their God-given purposes.

At the same time, we are called to a love that “does not insist on its own way” (1 Corinthians 13:5). This means being willing to set aside our own preferences at times for the sake of our partner and the relationship. The key is to find a rhythm of give and take, where both partners feel supported in their individual journeys while also growing together.

Communication is crucial in this balancing act. Couples must create a safe space where they can openly express their needs, desires, and concerns without fear of judgment or rejection. This requires active listening, empathy, and a willingness to see things from our partner’s perspective. As James advises, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19).

It’s also important to recognize that needs and sacrifices may change over time. What works in one season of life may need to be adjusted in another. This requires flexibility and a commitment to ongoing dialogue and mutual understanding.

Prioritization is another key aspect of balancing individual needs with sacrificial love. Not all needs or desires are of equal importance. Couples should work together to discern which individual needs are essential for personal well-being and growth, and which can be more flexible. This discernment should be guided by prayer and a shared commitment to God’s will for their lives.

It’s crucial to understand that true sacrificial love does not mean completely neglecting one’s own needs. Just as we are called to love our neighbors as ourselves, we must also practice self-care and self-love. Neglecting our own well-being ultimately diminishes our capacity to love and serve our partner effectively.

One practical approach is to intentionally create space for both individual pursuits and shared activities. This might mean setting aside specific times for personal hobbies or friendships, while also ensuring quality time together as a couple. It could involve supporting each other’s career goals while finding ways to share domestic responsibilities.

Remember, that the ultimate model for this balance is found in the Trinity itself. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are distinct persons, yet perfectly united in love. In our relationships, we are called to mirror this divine dance of individuality and unity.

Finally, let us not forget the power of grace in this journey. We will make mistakes, we will sometimes prioritize wrongly, but God’s love and forgiveness can heal and restore. As we strive for this balance, let us be patient with ourselves and with each other, always ready to extend the same grace that we have received from God (Aulia et al., 2019; K. & O, 2018; Misiaszek, 2022).

What role does selflessness play in Christian marriages?

Selflessness is at the very heart of Christian marriage, just as it is at the heart of our faith. It is the thread that weaves together the fabric of a strong, loving, and Christ-centered union. Let us reflect on the significant role of selflessness in marriage, guided by the teachings of our faith and the example of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Selflessness in marriage is a reflection of Christ’s love for the Church. As Saint Paul teaches, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). This sacrificial love is the model for all Christian marriages. It calls us to put the needs, well-being, and happiness of our spouse before our own, just as Christ put our salvation before His own comfort and life.

In practice, selflessness in marriage manifests in countless daily acts of love and service. It might be seen in the spouse who rises early to prepare breakfast for the family, in the partner who listens attentively after a long day, or in the one who willingly takes on an unpleasant task to spare their loved one. These seemingly small acts of selflessness accumulate over time, building a relationship characterized by mutual care and devotion.

Selflessness also plays a crucial role in conflict resolution within marriage. When disagreements arise, as they inevitably do, selflessness calls us to seek understanding rather than to be understood, to forgive rather than to hold grudges, and to work towards solutions that benefit the relationship rather than insisting on our own way. As Saint Paul advises, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves” (Philippians 2:3).

Selflessness in marriage involves supporting our spouse’s growth and dreams, even when it requires sacrifice on our part. This might mean encouraging a spouse to pursue further education, even if it means financial strain, or being willing to relocate for a spouse’s career possibility. It’s about finding joy in our partner’s success and fulfillment, recognizing that their happiness contributes to the overall health of the marriage.

However, it’s important to understand that true selflessness in marriage is not about erasing oneself or tolerating abuse. Rather, it’s about creating a relationship where both partners strive to outdo one another in showing love and honor (Romans 12:10). It’s a mutual selflessness, where both spouses are committed to serving and uplifting each other.

Selflessness in marriage also extends beyond the couple to their family and community. A selfless marriage becomes a witness to the world of Christ’s love, and a source of blessing to children, extended family, and all who encounter it. As Jesus said, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35).

Yet, we must acknowledge that living out this selflessness is not always easy. Our human nature often pulls us towards self-centeredness. This is where the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit become essential. Through prayer, sacraments, and a continual turning towards God, couples can receive the strength to love selflessly, even when it’s difficult.

Remember, that selflessness in marriage is not about keeping score or expecting reciprocation. It’s about freely giving love, just as we have freely received love from God. It’s about creating a home where love abounds, where forgiveness is readily offered, and where each spouse seeks to build up the other.

In this way, a marriage characterized by selflessness becomes a living testament to the transformative power of Christ’s love. It becomes a place where both partners grow in holiness, where children learn the meaning of love, and where all who enter find a glimpse of the Kingdom of God (Aulia et al., 2019; K. & O, 2018; Misiaszek, 2022).

How can sacrificing for your partner strengthen your relationship with God?

When we sacrifice for our beloved, we participate in the divine love that God has for each of us. As Saint Paul reminds us, “Love is patient, love is kind… it does not seek its own interests” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5). In setting aside our own desires and comforts for the good of our partner, we imitate Christ’s self-giving love.

This sacrificial mindset opens our hearts to God’s grace in significant ways. It cultivates humility, helping us recognize our dependence on God’s strength rather than our own. When we empty ourselves in service to another, we create space for God to fill us anew with His love and wisdom. 

Sacrificing for our partner invites us to see them as God sees them – as His beloved child, worthy of honor and care. This perspective aligns our hearts more closely with God’s heart of compassion. As we strive to love our partner as Christ loves the Church, we grow in understanding of God’s unconditional love for us.

Sacrificial love also deepens our trust in God’s providence. When we give generously of ourselves, we must rely on God to sustain us and meet our needs. This builds our faith as we experience His faithfulness. the challenges of sacrificial love drive us to prayer, fostering more intimate communion with God.

Finally, in sacrificing for our partner, we participate in God’s ongoing work of redemption and sanctification in their life. Our acts of love become channels of God’s grace. As we see our partner grow and flourish through our sacrifice, we rejoice in God’s transformative power at work through us.

What are biblical examples of sacrifice in relationships we can learn from?

The Scriptures offer us many beautiful examples of sacrificial love in relationships that can inspire and guide us. Let us reflect on a few of these, seeking to understand how we might embody such love in our own lives.

We see the significant example of Abraham’s willingness to sacrifice his son Isaac at God’s command (Genesis 22:1-19) (Feldman & Stipe, 1981; Meghji, 2018; Stephanos, 2024). While God ultimately stayed Abraham’s hand, this account reveals the depth of Abraham’s trust and obedience. It challenges us to examine whether we are willing to surrender even our most precious relationships to God’s will and purposes.

We also find inspiration in Ruth’s devotion to her mother-in-law Naomi (Ruth 1:16-17). Ruth sacrificed the familiarity of her homeland and the possibility of remarriage to care for Naomi in her grief and old age. Her famous words, “Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay,” exemplify committed love that transcends cultural and familial boundaries.

The friendship between David and Jonathan offers another powerful model (1 Samuel 18:1-4; 20:1-42). Jonathan, heir to the throne, willingly stepped aside and even risked his life to protect David, whom God had chosen as the next king. This reminds us that true friendship may require us to set aside our own ambitions and security for the good of another.

In the New Testament, we see sacrificial love most perfectly embodied in Jesus Christ. His entire life and ministry were characterized by self-giving love, culminating in His sacrificial death on the cross. As Saint Paul writes, “He loved me and gave himself for me” (Galatians 2:20). Christ’s sacrifice not only reconciles us to God but also provides the ultimate model for how we are to love one another.

We also see beautiful examples of sacrifice in the early Christian community, where believers shared their possessions and cared for one another’s needs (Acts 2:44-45; 4:32-35). This radical generosity flowed from their love for Christ and for one another.

Finally, we can learn from Saint Paul’s exhortation to husbands and wives in Ephesians 5:21-33. Here, mutual submission and sacrificial love are presented as reflections of Christ’s relationship with the Church. Husbands are called to love their wives “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,” while wives are called to respect and submit to their husbands as the Church does to Christ.

As we contemplate these examples, let us ask ourselves: How can we more fully embody this sacrificial love in our own relationships? How might God be calling us to set aside our own interests for the good of others? May we draw inspiration and strength from these biblical models as we seek to love as Christ loves us.

How can couples discern when sacrifice becomes enabling or codependency?

While sacrificial love is at the heart of Christian relationships, we must also exercise wisdom and discernment. There is a delicate balance to maintain, for even good things can become distorted. Let us reflect on how to distinguish healthy sacrifice from unhealthy patterns of enabling or codependency.

We must remember that true sacrificial love seeks the authentic good of the other person and the relationship. It does not enable destructive behaviors or perpetuate harmful patterns. As Saint Paul reminds us, “Love does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth” (1 Corinthians 13:6). If our sacrifices are shielding our partner from the consequences of their actions or preventing their growth, we must prayerfully reconsider our approach.

Healthy sacrifice empowers and uplifts, while codependency often diminishes and controls. We should ask ourselves: Are our sacrifices helping our partner become more fully who God created them to be? Or are we fostering dependence and stunting their spiritual and emotional growth? True love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7), but it does not enable sin or dysfunction.

Another key distinction lies in motivation. Healthy sacrifice flows from a place of strength, security, and free choice. Codependent behaviors, on the other hand, often stem from fear, insecurity, or a misplaced sense of responsibility for the other person’s wellbeing or choices. We must examine our hearts: Are we sacrificing out of love and a desire to serve, or out of fear of abandonment or a need to control?

It is also crucial to maintain healthy boundaries within the relationship. Sacrificial love does not mean completely losing oneself or neglecting one’s own legitimate needs and God-given identity. Jesus himself modeled the importance of boundaries, taking time away to pray and rest even amidst the constant demands of ministry. Couples should nurture their individual relationships with God and maintain support systems outside the marriage.

Healthy sacrifice in a relationship should be mutual and reciprocal over time, even if not always perfectly balanced in every moment. If one partner is consistently making all the sacrifices while the other takes advantage, this imbalance needs to be addressed.

Discernment in these matters requires deep prayer, self-reflection, and often the guidance of wise counsel – whether from a spiritual director, pastor, or Christian counselor. We must continually bring our relationships before the Lord, asking for His wisdom and the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

What spiritual practices can help cultivate a sacrificial mindset in relationships?

Cultivating a sacrificial mindset in our relationships is a lifelong journey of spiritual growth. It requires intentional effort and, above all, openness to God’s transforming grace. Let us consider some spiritual practices that can nurture this Christ-like attitude of self-giving love.

We must root ourselves deeply in prayer and meditation on God’s Word. As we contemplate Christ’s sacrificial love for us, particularly through practices like Lectio Divina or the Spiritual Exercises, our hearts are gradually conformed to His. The more we experience God’s unconditional love, the more naturally we will extend that love to others. Regular participation in the Eucharist also strengthens us, as we receive Christ’s self-gift and are empowered to become what we receive.

Practicing gratitude is another powerful tool. When we cultivate thankfulness for our partner and for God’s blessings in our life, we naturally become more generous and willing to sacrifice. Consider keeping a gratitude journal or incorporating expressions of thankfulness into your daily prayers as a couple.

The practice of self-examination, perhaps through the Ignatian Examen or similar reflective exercises, can help us identify areas where we are resistant to sacrifice or where our motivations may be mixed. This honest self-awareness before God opens the door to growth and transformation.

Fasting and other forms of self-denial can also train us in the art of sacrifice. By voluntarily giving up small comforts or pleasures for the sake of spiritual growth, we strengthen our “spiritual muscles” for larger acts of self-giving in our relationships. However, let us remember that the goal is not deprivation for its own sake, but rather freedom to love more fully.

Service to others, particularly as a couple, can foster a sacrificial mindset that extends beyond the relationship. When we regularly give of ourselves to those in need, we cultivate generosity and compassion that naturally flow into our closest relationships as well.

Practicing forgiveness is crucial for maintaining a sacrificial attitude. Holding onto grudges and resentments hardens our hearts and makes us less willing to sacrifice. Regular examination of conscience, seeking forgiveness from God and our partner, and extending forgiveness to others keeps our hearts soft and open to love.

Cultivating mindfulness and presence can also support a sacrificial mindset. When we are fully present to our partner, attentive to their needs and experiences, we are more likely to respond with generosity and self-giving love. Practices like centering prayer or even simple breathing exercises can help us develop this capacity for presence.

Finally, participating in a faith community and seeking spiritual direction can provide support, accountability, and wisdom as we strive to grow in sacrificial love. We are not meant to walk this path alone, but rather to encourage and challenge one another in love.

How can sacrificing in relationships be an act of worship and obedience to God?

When we sacrifice for our loved ones with pure hearts and right intentions, we participate in a significant act of worship and obedience to our loving God. Let us reflect on how our sacrificial love in relationships can become a beautiful offering to the Lord.

We must recognize that all genuine love originates from God, who is love itself. As Saint John reminds us, “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19). When we choose to love sacrificially, we are channeling God’s own love into the world. This cooperation with divine love is itself an act of worship, acknowledging God as the source and sustainer of all true love.

In sacrificing for our partner or loved ones, we imitate Christ’s self-giving love for the Church. Saint Paul exhorts husbands to “love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). When we strive to embody this Christ-like love, our relationships become living testimonies to the Gospel. Our sacrifices, offered in love, become a form of embodied worship – a way of proclaiming God’s love with our very lives.

Sacrificial love in relationships also requires tremendous trust in God’s providence and wisdom. When we set aside our own desires or comfort for the good of another, we demonstrate our faith that God will meet our needs and work all things for good. This trust is a powerful act of obedience and surrender to God’s will.

As we sacrifice for our loved ones, we often find ourselves pushed beyond our natural capacities. In these moments of stretching and growth, we must rely more fully on God’s grace and strength. This deepening dependence on God is itself a form of worship, acknowledging our limitations and God’s limitless power to work through us.

We should also consider how our sacrifices in relationships can become offerings of thanksgiving to God. When we recognize our partner or loved ones as precious gifts from God, our sacrifices for them become expressions of gratitude to the Giver of all good gifts. In this way, our relationships become altars where we offer our lives in thanksgiving and praise.

Let us not forget that true worship involves the offering of our whole selves to God. As Saint Paul urges, “Offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship” (Romans 12:1). When we sacrifice in our relationships out of love for God and neighbor, we are living out this call to be living sacrifices.

Finally, sacrificial love in relationships can be an act of obedience to God’s command to love one another. Jesus tells us, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another” (John 13:34). When we choose to love sacrificially, even when it is difficult, we are obeying Christ’s command and honoring God through our obedience.

Let us remember that our small acts of sacrifice, offered with love and pure intention, are precious in God’s sight. As we strive to love as Christ loves us, may our relationships become living prayers, our sacrifices sweet incense rising to heaven, and our love a reflection of the divine love that sustains all creation.