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Proverbs 24:16
Watch the Door
A Christian Path Out of Porn
For the Christian man who wants to stop watching porn, whether anyone knows or not: the old Christian teaching on temptation, and five minutes a day to put it into practice.
12 Lessons · 90-day daily practice · $129
Who the course is for.
Single or married.
The course is for any Christian man who believes porn is wrong and wants to stop, at any age. The Lessons apply to both lives, and Lesson 11 takes each on its own terms: a married man turns his desire toward his wife, and a single man spends it now in friendship, honour and service.
If nobody knows.
The course starts with the struggle itself. Lesson 1 teaches what to do the moment a temptation starts, and the Daily Practice can begin the same night. Lesson 5 asks you to tell one person, a Christian man you trust or a pastor or priest, and to meet him every week. Catholic and Orthodox readers can also bring it to confession.
If your wife knows.
She may have found out years ago or this week. If it was recent, start with our free article on the first 72 hours, linked under For wives below. The course also comes with What he is learning, six to eight printable pages written for a wife who already knows, which you can give her if she wants them.
Are you reading this for yourself, or for your husband?
The twelve Lessons.
Twelve Lessons in three Parts, each ten to thirteen minutes to read. Start with Lesson 1, which is free and teaches the five steps the rest of the course builds on. The Daily Practice runs alongside the Lessons, five minutes a day for ninety days.
Part 1: Start Tonight
Three Lessons for the first week. What to do when a temptation starts, which doors to close before it comes, and when to get the help a course cannot give.
01
The First Knock
What do I do the moment a temptation starts?
A temptation comes through a door in stages, and the first stage is not yet a sin; meet it there with five steps, starting tonight.
02
Close the Doors You Can
Which doors can I close before the hard moment comes?
Find the hours, places and devices that have opened the door before, close what you can while you are calm, and treat blockers and accountability software as a fence, knowing what a fence cannot do.
03
When to Get Help, and From Whom
When is this course not enough, and who should I call?
Call a crisis line now if you are thinking of ending your life, see a doctor first about erectile problems, see a therapist for depression, scrupulosity or a pattern months of effort have not changed, and find a group, a pastor or a priest for the long road.
Part 2: Know Your Door
Four Lessons on your own pattern. Where your falls begin, who should know, what the churches teach about the thoughts and about masturbation, and what to do the morning after a fall.
04
Where Your Falls Begin
Why do I fall when I do, and where should I keep watch?
Most falls start hours before the screen, in stress, loneliness, low mood, tiredness or boredom; trace your last three back to where they began, and you will know where to keep watch.
05
Out of Hiding
Who should know about this, and how do I tell him?
Choose one Christian man you trust, or a pastor or priest, tell him plainly, and meet every week with questions Christians have asked each other since 1738; if your church offers confession, bring this there too.
06
The Mind and the Hand
Do my thoughts count too, and what does my church teach about masturbation?
Every tradition teaches that lust in the heart is part of the fight, so guard the imagination as well as the eyes; on masturbation the churches differ, so learn what yours teaches, settle it with your pastor or priest, and practise noticing an urge without obeying it.
07
After a Fall
I fell again. What do I do now?
Keep the guilt about what you did and refuse the shame about who you are; then follow a short plan for the first hour, the first day and the next morning, and carry on with the Daily Practice, which keeps no streak to reset.
Part 3: The Long Road
Five Lessons for the weeks and years ahead. What the science does and does not show, how to keep praying when nothing seems to change, what desire is for, where it goes now, and how to keep going after the ninety days.
08
What the Science Says, and What It Doesn’t
What does the research really say about porn and the brain?
Stress, low mood and cues can set off strong wanting, and some men lose control and suffer for it; the drug comparisons, the rewiring claims and the reboot timetables go beyond the evidence; and how often you watch and how wrong you believe it is are two separate measures.
09
When Prayer Seems to Go Unanswered
I have prayed for years to be free of this. Why hasn’t God taken it away?
God wants you free, but he seldom answers this prayer by removing desire overnight; Paul was given grace instead of relief, Augustine waited years, and Catholic, Orthodox and Protestant teachers all expect freedom to come slowly, through prayer kept up and the ordinary means God uses.
10
A Greater Love
If I stop watching porn, what takes its place?
Desire was made for love of God and of other people, so a heart emptied of porn needs a greater love to fill it; Chalmers called this the expulsive power of a new affection, and real goods such as sleep, friends, work, exercise and prayer hold the hours while that love grows.
11
Where Desire Goes Now
Married or single, where does my desire go now?
Desire needs somewhere to go once porn is gone; a married man turns it toward his wife as a person to give himself to, and a single man spends it now in friendship, honour and service, because Scripture asks one faithfulness of both lives.
12
The Long War
What happens after the ninety days, and what if I fall again months from now?
Falls can come even after long stretches, and the tradition expects them; rise the same day, keep a small rule of life once the Daily Practice ends, renew it at Lent and other fresh starts, and if you slip back months later, go back to what worked and tell someone.
How Lesson 1 begins.
The short answer, from Lesson 1, The First Knock
A temptation does not arrive all at once. Christian teachers from the monks of Sinai to the Puritan John Owen describe it in stages: a first thought, then dwelling on it, then consent, then captivity, and at last a settled habit. The first thought is not a sin, and it is the easiest place to stop. Meet it there with five steps. Notice it, name it, answer it with one short verse, turn away from it, and tell someone. You can begin tonight, with five minutes before you sleep.
The rest of Lesson 1 follows a temptation through its five stages, as James, Philotheos of Sinai and John Climacus describe them, takes the five steps one at a time, and ends with a practice you can begin tonight: a few minutes looking back over the day, and a verse chosen for the morning. Read Lesson 1 free.
What comes with the course.
Besides the twelve Lessons, the course gives you these. Lessons 1 and 7 each include a short practice quiz, and a letter is waiting when you finish Lesson 12.
The Daily Practice.
Ninety days of about five minutes each: two minutes in the morning to keep watch, and three at night to look back. Each day has a verse, a line from the Christian tradition and one question for the evening. It keeps no count of days without a fall. It comes as pages inside the course and on a printable card, and as one email a day if you ask for it.
Answers.
Forty short verses, each matched to a moment: the first thought, a late night alone, the hours after a fall, the prayer that seems to go unanswered. They follow the book of answers that Evagrius of Pontus wrote in the Egyptian desert in the fourth century, and they print as cards.
At the door.
Three prayers of about two minutes each for the moment of temptation, recorded to listen to, with the words beneath.
Your map.
A worksheet for Lesson 4. You trace your last three falls back to where each began, and what repeats shows you where to keep watch.
For the friend who said yes.
A one-page guide for the ally you choose in Lesson 5: what to ask each week, and what not to do.
What he is learning.
Six to eight printable pages for a wife who already knows, setting out what the course teaches and what it leaves to her.
Catholic, Orthodox, and Protestant.
Catholic, Orthodox and Protestant Christians all follow Jesus in counting lust in the heart as part of the fight, and the course starts from what they share. Where they differ, it says so and gives each the same room. Lesson 5 sets out confession as each tradition practises it, and Lesson 6 what each church teaches about masturbation, and both send you to your own pastor or priest for the verdict.
Each church in its own words
- Catholicthe Catechism of the Catholic Church; the US bishops’ Create in Me a Clean Heart (2015); Francis de Sales, Introduction to the Devout Life (1609); Ignatius of Loyola, Spiritual Exercises
- Orthodoxthe Philokalia; John Climacus, The Ladder of Divine Ascent; the Orthodox Church in America’s answers on confession and on masturbation
- Lutheranthe Augsburg Confession (1530); Luther’s Small Catechism (1529)
- AnglicanThe Book of Common Prayer (the American edition of 1928)
- Reformed and Presbyterianthe Westminster Larger Catechism (1648); John Owen, Of the Mortification of Sin in Believers (1656); Thomas Chalmers, The Expulsive Power of a New Affection (1823)
- MethodistJohn Wesley’s rules for the band societies (1738)
Where the teaching comes from.
Bible passages are quoted from the World English Bible, and every other quotation links to its source at the end of the Lesson. The research is cited the same way, and Lesson 8 sets out what the studies show and what they do not. Among the writers you will meet, Augustine, Jerome, Francis de Sales and Thomas Chalmers each have a place, and these four come back most often:
Evagrius of Pontus
A monk who died in the Egyptian desert in 399. He gathered hundreds of Bible verses, each matched to a tempting thought, so that a monk could answer the thought with Scripture as Jesus did in the wilderness. Answers follows his method.
John Climacus
A monk of Sinai, later its abbot, who early in the seventh century wrote The Ladder of Divine Ascent. Lesson 1 takes from him the stages of a temptation, and Lesson 12 his advice on getting up again.
John Owen
A Puritan who in 1656 published Of the Mortification of Sin in Believers. He called the hours and places where sin finds a way in its occasions, and told his readers to “watch against them all.” Lessons 2 and 4 turn that into a plan and a map.
John Wesley
In 1738 he wrote rules for small groups called bands, which met every week and asked each member the same questions, among them “How were you delivered?” Lesson 5 and the guide for your ally use them.
A new icon of the Ladder of Divine Ascent, made for this course after the twelfth-century icon at Saint Catherine’s Monastery, Sinai.
John Climacus, The Ladder of Divine Ascent, tr. Lazarus Moore
“Do not be surprised that you fall every day; do not give up.”
The line comes from The Ladder of Divine Ascent, written by John Climacus, a monk of Sinai, early in the seventh century. Lesson 12 comes back to it, and the icon beside it shows his ladder: monks climbing toward Christ, who reaches down to the one at the top.
- Twelve Lessons, about two and a quarter hours in all
- The Daily Practice, five minutes a day for ninety days
- Forty short verses for the moment, as printable cards
- Three prayers to listen to when temptation comes
- Your map, a guide for your ally, and pages for a wife who already knows
$129
paid once, and the course is yours to keep.
Members pay $116.10.
$45
a month for three months, and then the course is yours to keep.
Members pay $40.50 a month.
Either way you can start straight away.
Full refund within 30 days of paying. Checkout runs on Stripe, with your email address and card.
Already have an account? Log in first, so the course is added to it and Members get their price.
Questions and answers.
Can I read some of it first?
Yes. Lesson 1 is free to read, with no account and no payment. It teaches the five steps the other Lessons build on, and you can start the Daily Practice the same night.
How much does it cost?
$129, paid once, or three monthly payments of $45. The payments stop after the third, and either way the course stays in your account. Christian Pure Members pay $116.10, or three payments of $40.50, if they log in before they buy.
How do I pay?
On Stripe’s checkout page, with your email address and card. Stripe handles the payment, and Christian Pure never sees your card number.
Do I need an account first?
No. After you pay, we make an account from the email address you gave Stripe and sign you in when you come back to the course page. We also email you a link to set a password, so you can log in on any other device. If you already have a Christian Pure account, for another course or a membership, log in before you buy so the course is added to it.
What emails will I get?
The one with the link to set your password. Buying the course does not sign you up for our Sunday Letter. If you want the Daily Practice by email, ask for it on the practice page: one email a day for ninety days, each with the day as its subject line, such as “Day 4”, and an unsubscribe link.
What happens to my email address?
We use it for your account and for any emails you ask for. Stripe keeps it with your payment, Kit, the company that sends our emails, stores it, and our privacy policy explains the rest.
Is this counselling?
No. The course teaches an old Christian practice and checks it against the research, and it diagnoses no one. Lesson 3 says when a course is not enough: see a doctor first about erectile problems, and a therapist if you are depressed, if each fall becomes a crisis about your salvation or Communion, or if months of real effort have not changed the pattern. If you are thinking about ending your life, call or text 988 in the United States and Canada, or call Samaritans on 116 123 in the United Kingdom and Ireland.
Will ninety days fix it?
The course does not promise that. The ninety days are a season of practice, the way Lent is forty days, and Lesson 8 explains why the claim that the brain resets after ninety days is disputed. Lesson 12 gives you a rule of life small enough to keep for years once the ninety days end.
What if I fall during the course?
Use Lesson 7’s plan the same day. The course keeps no count of days without a fall, so there is nothing to reset, and the Daily Practice carries on.
What if it is not what I needed?
Write to us within 30 days and we will refund you in full.
How long does it take?
Twelve Lessons of ten to thirteen minutes each, about two and a quarter hours in all, and five minutes a day for the ninety days of the Daily Practice. Part 1’s three Lessons are written for your first week.
For wives.
It asks nothing of you.
Watch the Door is written to your husband, and he takes it on his own. It does not make you his ally or the one who checks on him: Lesson 5 gives that work to another man, a pastor or a priest.
It is not counselling.
The course is teaching, not counselling, for him or for you, and it does not tell either of you what to do about your marriage.
If you found out recently.
Our free article Your Wife Found Out About Your Porn: What to Do in the First 72 Hours sets out what he should do in the first days and lists help for wives. If you are afraid of him, your safety comes first, and the article gives safety lines.
Pages for you.
If he takes the course, it comes with What he is learning: six to eight printed pages for a wife who already knows. They set out what the course teaches him, what it does not do and what is yours to decide, and he can give them to you if you want them.
Watch the Door
God warned Cain that sin crouches at the door: “Its desire is for you, but you are to rule over it” (Genesis 4:7). The course is named for that door.
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