Biblical Romance: The Bible’s Teachings on Romantic Love

What examples of romantic love are found in the Bible?

The Bible provides us with beautiful examples of romantic love that reflect God’s design for human relationships. Perhaps the most vivid portrayal is found in the Song of Solomon, a poetic celebration of marital love. This book gives voice to the passionate longing between a bride and groom, expressing their mutual admiration and desire. We hear the bride exclaim, “My beloved is mine and I am his” (Song of Solomon 2:16), capturing the exclusive devotion of married love(Douglass, 1997).

The Song of Solomon uses rich imagery to describe the lovers’ attraction: “My beloved is all radiant and ruddy… His speech is most sweet, and he is altogether desirable” (Song of Solomon 5:10a, 16a). This unabashed delight in physical beauty reflects the goodness of God’s creation, including our bodies and the gift of sexuality within marriage(Douglass, 1997).

Beyond this, we see examples of romantic love in the stories of several Old Testament couples. Consider the tenderness between Isaac and Rebekah, where we’re told “Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her” (Genesis 24:67). Jacob’s love for Rachel was so strong that his seven years of labor for her hand “seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her” (Genesis 29:20).

In the New Testament, while the focus shifts more to agape love, we still see affirmation of marital love. Paul uses the analogy of Christ’s love for the church to describe the selfless, nurturing love husbands should have for their wives (Ephesians 5:25-33). This elevates romantic love to a reflection of divine love(Keller & Keller, 2011).

These biblical examples show us that romantic love is not just a modern notion, but a gift from God celebrated throughout salvation history. They remind us that our capacity for deep, passionate connection is part of being made in God’s image. At the same time, we see that this love is always oriented towards commitment and self-giving, not mere fleeting emotion or physical gratification. As we reflect on these examples, may we be inspired to cultivate relationships that honor God’s beautiful design for human love and intimacy.

What does the Bible say about physical attraction and desire?

The Bible speaks with surprising candor about physical attraction and desire. Far from dismissing these aspects of human experience, Scripture acknowledges them as part of God’s good creation, while also offering wisdom on how to steward these powerful feelings.

In the Song of Solomon, we find vivid descriptions of physical attraction. The lovers admire each other’s bodies with unabashed delight: “Your eyes are doves,” says the man to his beloved (Song of Solomon 1:15). The woman praises her lover’s appearance: “His abdomen is like a polished ivory tusk, decorated with sapphires” (Song of Solomon 5:14). This poetic language celebrates the beauty of the human form and the joy of physical intimacy within marriage(Douglass, 1997; Keller & Keller, 2011).

But the Bible also cautions against allowing physical attraction to be the sole basis for a relationship. Proverbs 31:30 reminds us, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” This teaches us to value character and faith above mere outward appearance(Thomas, 2013).

The New Testament affirms the goodness of sexual desire while directing it towards marriage. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:9, “But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” This passage recognizes the reality of sexual desire and provides a positive outlet for it within the covenant of marriage(Keller & Keller, 2011).

At the same time, Jesus calls us to a high standard of purity, teaching that even lustful looks constitute adultery in the heart (Matthew 5:28). This reminds us that our desires must be disciplined and directed towards love, not objectification(Winters, 2016).

We must remember that our bodies and our capacity for physical attraction are gifts from God. These feelings are not inherently sinful, but they must be integrated into a holistic view of the person. As Pope Francis has often emphasized, we are called to see the dignity of each person as made in God’s image, not reducing anyone to an object of desire.

In our relationships, let us cultivate what we might call a “comprehensive attraction” – one that encompasses not just physical appeal, but also character, shared values, and spiritual compatibility. As we grow in maturity, may we learn to appreciate the beauty of virtue and the attractiveness of a heart devoted to God. In this way, physical attraction can be a starting point that leads us to deeper, more lasting forms of love and commitment.

How does God view romance within marriage?

God looks upon romance within marriage with great favor and delight. The Scriptures reveal to us a God who not only permits marital intimacy but actively encourages it as a reflection of divine love and a source of human flourishing.

We must recognize that God is the author of marriage and sexuality. In the creation account, we read that God made humans male and female, blessed them, and commanded them to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28). This tells us that the romantic and sexual dimensions of marriage are part of God’s original, good design for humanity(Keller & Keller, 2011).

The Song of Solomon stands as a powerful testament to God’s positive view of marital romance. This book, included in our sacred canon, celebrates the passionate love between husband and wife with vivid, sensual imagery. It depicts a couple reveling in each other’s physical beauty and expressing their desire for intimate union. That such a text is part of Holy Scripture speaks volumes about God’s affirmation of romantic love within marriage(Douglass, 1997).

The New Testament reinforces this positive view. The apostle Paul, while advocating for the value of celibacy for some, also strongly affirms the goodness of marriage. He instructs husbands and wives not to deprive each other sexually, except by mutual consent for a time of prayer (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). This shows that regular sexual intimacy is seen as a normal and important part of married life(Keller & Keller, 2011).

God views marital romance not just as permissible, but as a means of grace and spiritual growth. The intimate bond between husband and wife is used throughout Scripture as a metaphor for God’s relationship with His people. In Ephesians 5, Paul describes godly marriage as a powerful mystery that reflects Christ’s love for the Church. This elevates marital love to a sacramental level, a visible sign of invisible grace(Keller & Keller, 2011).

We must not fall into the error of seeing romance and spirituality as separate or opposed. Within the covenant of marriage, romantic love can be a school of virtue, teaching us self-giving, faithfulness, and the joy of total self-donation. As spouses grow in intimacy with each other, they can also grow closer to God, whose love is the source and model of all human love.

Let us, therefore, cherish and nurture romance within marriage. Let husbands and wives express their love and desire for each other without shame, knowing that in doing so, they honor God’s design. At the same time, let us remember that true marital romance goes beyond mere physical attraction or emotional highs. It encompasses a deep friendship, mutual respect, and a shared commitment to growing in holiness together. In this way, romance becomes not just a fleeting pleasure, but a path of sanctification and a witness to the world of God’s enduring love.

How does biblical romance differ from worldly ideas of romance?

Biblical romance offers a powerful and transformative vision that stands in stark contrast to many worldly notions of love and relationships. While the world often presents a shallow and self-centered view of romance, the Scriptures call us to a deeper, more sacrificial love that reflects God’s own nature. This type of love involves placing the needs and well-being of our partner above our own, as well as seeking to resolve conflicts in a godly manner. Biblical conflict resolution techniques emphasize humility, patience, and forgiveness, setting a standard that goes beyond what the world typically promotes. This vision of romance challenges us to pursue a love that is grounded in faith, hope, and genuine care for one another. This biblical perspective on relationships encourages us to prioritize spiritual growth and mutual edification in our romantic partnerships. Instead of seeking fulfillment solely in the other person, we are called to pursue a relationship that ultimately points both individuals towards Christ. By embracing the biblical perspective on relationships, we can experience a love that is enduring, selfless, and redemptive.

Biblical romance is rooted in commitment and covenant, not mere feelings or attraction. The world often glorifies a brief, intense romantic attraction that makes us both vulnerable and irrational, celebrating rash decisions made in a storm of emotion. It evaluates “love” by the intensity of an emotional attachment that science tells us will never really last(Thomas, 2013). In contrast, the Bible presents marriage as a lifelong covenant, mirroring God’s faithful love for His people. This commitment provides a stable foundation for love to grow and deepen over time, rather than being subject to the whims of changing emotions(Keller & Keller, 2011).

Secondly, biblical romance is oriented towards mutual sanctification and spiritual growth. While worldly romance often focuses on self-fulfillment or finding someone to “complete” us, the Scriptures present a vision of marriage as a partnership in pursuing holiness. Husbands and wives are called to help each other become more like Christ, spurring one another on towards love and good deeds. This perspective sees romance not just as a source of personal happiness, but as a means of spiritual transformation(Keller & Keller, 2011).

Thirdly, biblical romance integrates physical attraction and desire into a holistic view of the person. While the world often reduces romance to mere sexual chemistry or physical appeal, the Bible affirms the goodness of physical attraction while placing it in proper perspective. We are called to value character, faith, and spiritual compatibility above mere outward appearance. This “comprehensive attraction” encompasses not just physical appeal, but also shared values, spiritual affinity, and the potential for mutual growth(Keller & Keller, 2011).

Fourthly, biblical romance is characterized by selflessness and service, rather than self-gratification. The world often presents romance as a means of getting our own needs met or finding personal fulfillment. In contrast, the Bible calls us to love as Christ loved the church, giving himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25). This self-giving love seeks the good of the other, even at personal cost(Keller & Keller, 2011).

Finally, biblical romance sees marriage as part of a larger purpose – seeking first the kingdom of God. While worldly romance often makes the relationship an end in itself, the Scriptures present marriage as a partnership in mission. Couples are called to support each other in living out their God-given callings and to be a witness of God’s love to the world(Thomas, 2013).

In embracing this biblical vision of romance, we find a love that is deeper, richer, and more enduring than anything the world can offer. It challenges us to grow beyond our selfishness and to love in a way that reflects God’s own faithful, sacrificial love. May we have the courage to pursue this higher calling in our relationships, trusting that in doing so, we will find true fulfillment and joy.

What role should romance play in choosing a spouse?

The role of romance in choosing a spouse is a matter that requires wisdom, discernment, and a proper understanding of God’s design for marriage. While romantic feelings can be a beautiful part of the journey towards marriage, they should not be the sole or even primary basis for such an important life decision.

First, we must recognize that the Bible does not present a notion of “finding the one” based on overwhelming romantic feelings. Rather, Scripture encourages us to use wisdom in choosing a marital partner. Proverbs 31:10 asks, “A wife of noble character who can find?” implying an active search based on character rather than just emotion. The emphasis is on finding someone who fears the Lord, values that will endure long after physical beauty fades(Thomas, 2013).

At the same time, we should not discount the importance of attraction and affection. The Song of Solomon celebrates the joy of physical and emotional attraction between lovers. Paul, in 1 Corinthians 7:9, acknowledges that passionate attraction can be a valid reason to pursue marriage. But this attraction should be part of a more comprehensive evaluation of compatibility(Keller & Keller, 2011).

What we should seek is what might be called a “comprehensive attraction” – one that encompasses character, shared values, spiritual compatibility, and yes, physical attraction. This involves being drawn not just to who a person is now, but to who they are becoming in Christ. It’s about seeing the “flashes of glory” that hint at the person God is shaping them to be(Keller & Keller, 2011).

It’s crucial to remember that the initial rush of romantic feelings – what some call “falling in love” – is temporary. While these feelings can be wonderful, they are not a sufficient foundation for a lifelong commitment. Instead, we should look for someone with whom we can build a deep friendship, share a common mission, and grow together in faith(Thomas, 2013).

In practical terms, this means taking time to truly get to know a potential spouse in various contexts – in family settings, in service to others, in times of stress as well as joy. It means having honest conversations about values, goals, and expectations for marriage. It means seeking the counsel of wise friends, family members, and spiritual leaders who can offer objective insights(Thomas, 2013).

We must be cautious about letting physical passion cloud our judgment. While sexual attraction is important in marriage, becoming too physically involved too quickly can hinder our ability to objectively evaluate the relationship. Maintaining appropriate boundaries in dating allows space for genuine friendship and character assessment to develop(Cloud & Townsend, 2009).

The decision to marry should be based on a prayerful discernment of God’s will, considering how a potential spouse will help or hinder our ability to seek first the kingdom of God. We should ask ourselves: Will this person encourage me to grow in holiness? Can we together make a greater impact for God’s kingdom than we could separately?(Thomas, 2013)

How can couples cultivate romance in a God-honoring way?

Romance is a beautiful gift from God – a spark of divine love reflected in human relationships. To cultivate romance in a way that honors our Creator, we must first recognize that true love originates from Him. As St. John tells us, “We love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19). With this foundation, couples can nurture romance by centering their relationship on Christ and allowing His love to flow through them.

Practically speaking, this means making time for shared spiritual practices – praying together, studying Scripture, serving others as a couple. These activities deepen your bond not just as romantic partners, but as fellow pilgrims on the journey of faith. As you grow closer to God individually and as a couple, you will find your capacity for selfless love expanding.

Romance also thrives on quality time and intentional acts of care. Make space in your busy lives for undistracted conversation, laughter, and simple enjoyment of each other’s company. Show affection through words and deeds tailored to your partner’s unique love language. A thoughtful note, a tender embrace, a small gift, or an act of service can powerfully communicate love.

At the same time, we must be mindful of maintaining appropriate physical and emotional boundaries, especially before marriage. Romance should draw us closer to God and to holiness, not lead us into temptation. Cultivate non-physical forms of intimacy – intellectual, emotional, and spiritual connection. Share your hopes, dreams, and fears. Listen deeply to one another. Encourage each other in faith and virtue.

Remember that romance is not just about grand gestures, but also small daily choices to love. It’s found in forgiveness, patience, and putting your partner’s needs before your own. As St. Paul beautifully describes in 1 Corinthians 13, love is patient, kind, humble, and selfless.

Finally, keep God at the center of your relationship. Seek His guidance in prayer. Trust in His plan for your love story. When you encounter challenges, turn to Him together. A romance built on this foundation will be a source of joy and a testament to God’s love in the world.(Morrow, 2016)

What boundaries does the Bible set for romantic relationships?

The Bible provides us with wise guidance for navigating romantic relationships in a way that honors God and respects the dignity of ourselves and others. While Scripture does not give us an exhaustive rulebook for dating, it offers clear principles that can help us establish healthy boundaries.

The Bible calls us to purity in our thoughts and actions. As St. Paul exhorts in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.” This teaches us that physical intimacy is a gift reserved for the covenant of marriage.

For those in dating relationships, this means setting clear physical boundaries to avoid temptation and protect the sanctity of sex. While the specifics may vary for each couple, a general guideline is to avoid any activity that arouses sexual desire outside of marriage. As the Song of Solomon poetically warns, “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires” (Song of Solomon 2:7).

The Bible also emphasizes the importance of emotional and spiritual boundaries. We are called to guard our hearts (Proverbs 4:23) and to be equally yoked with believers (2 Corinthians 6:14). This suggests that we should be cautious about becoming too emotionally intimate too quickly, and that we should seek partners who share our faith and values.

Scripture teaches us to respect the marriage covenant. The commandment “You shall not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14) extends beyond physical acts to include emotional faithfulness. For those who are dating, this means being mindful of maintaining appropriate boundaries with others out of respect for your partner and your relationship.

The Bible also sets boundaries around our motivations in romantic relationships. We are called to love selflessly, following Jesus Christ’s example (Ephesians 5:25). This means our primary focus should be on giving love rather than seeking to have our own needs met. It also means avoiding relationships based on lust, greed, or a desire to control or manipulate.

Finally, the Bible reminds us that our ultimate loyalty is to God. While romantic relationships are important, they should never become idols that take God’s place in our hearts. As Jesus taught, we must “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” (Matthew 22:37).

By prayerfully applying these biblical principles, couples can establish boundaries that protect their purity, honor God, and allow their relationship to flourish in a healthy way. Remember, these boundaries are not meant to restrict love, but to create a safe space for it to grow according to God’s perfect design.(Morrow, 2016)

How does agape love relate to romantic love?

To understand the relationship between agape love and romantic love, we must first recognize that all forms of genuine love have their source in God, who is love itself (1 John 4:8). Agape, the selfless, unconditional love that God has for us and that we are called to have for others, provides the foundation and model for all other forms of love, including romantic love.

Agape love is characterized by its unconditional nature and its focus on the good of the beloved rather than on one’s own desires or needs. As St. Paul beautifully describes in 1 Corinthians 13, agape love is patient, kind, not envious or boastful, not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way, is not irritable or resentful, does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Romantic love, or eros, on the other hand, is often characterized by intense emotions, physical attraction, and a desire for intimacy with a specific person. While these feelings can be beautiful and God-given, they are also often influenced by our human nature and can be fleeting or self-centered if not grounded in something deeper.

The ideal of Christian marriage is for romantic love to be infused with and transformed by agape love. As couples grow in their relationship with God and with each other, their initial attraction and emotional bond should mature into a deeper, more selfless love that reflects God’s love for us.

This transformation is not automatic or easy. It requires intentional effort, grace, and the work of the Holy Spirit in our hearts. We must learn to love our spouse not just for how they make us feel or what they can do for us, but for who they are as a child of God. We must be willing to sacrifice our own desires for their good, to forgive when they hurt us, and to remain faithful even when feelings fluctuate.

Agape love provides the stability and commitment that allows romantic love to endure and deepen over time. It helps us to love our spouse even when they are not particularly lovable, to remain faithful in times of difficulty, and to continually seek their good even at personal cost.

At the same time, the passion and intimacy of romantic love can be a powerful illustration of God’s love for us. The Song of Solomon, for example, uses the language of romantic love to depict the relationship between God and His people. When eros is purified and elevated by agape, it can become a beautiful reflection of divine love.

In practice, this means that couples should strive to cultivate both the emotional closeness of romantic love and the selfless commitment of agape love. They should enjoy the delight of being together while also being willing to sacrifice for each other. They should express affection and passion while also showing patience, kindness, and forgiveness.

As we grow in agape love – both receiving it from God and extending it to others – we become more capable of experiencing and expressing romantic love in its truest, most beautiful form. A marriage built on this foundation of divine love can become a powerful testimony to the world of God’s faithful, enduring love for His people.(Morrow, 2016)

How can singles honor God while desiring romantic love?

My beloved brothers and sisters in Christ, the desire for romantic love is a natural and beautiful part of the human experience. God Himself declared, “It is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). Yet, as followers of Christ, we are called to seek first the Kingdom of God in all aspects of our lives, including our desires for companionship and intimacy. So how can singles honor God while navigating these deep longings of the heart?

Remember that your primary identity and source of love is in Christ. As St. Paul reminds us, “For in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith” (Galatians 3:26). Your worth and completeness are not determined by your relationship status, but by your status as a beloved child of God. Cultivate a deep, personal relationship with the Lord through prayer, Scripture study, and active participation in the life of the Church. This spiritual intimacy with God can provide powerful fulfillment and purpose, even in seasons of singleness.

At the same time, it is important to acknowledge and bring your desires before God. He knows the longings of your heart, and it is not wrong to express them to Him. Pray honestly about your desire for a partner, but also pray for contentment and joy in your current season. Ask for wisdom and guidance in your relationships, and for the strength to maintain purity and integrity in your interactions with others.

Use this time of singleness as an opportunity for personal growth and service to others. Develop your God-given talents, deepen your faith, and invest in meaningful friendships. Look for ways to serve in your church and community. As you focus on becoming the person God is calling you to be, you may find that you are also becoming the kind of person who would make a good partner in the future.

Be mindful of maintaining purity in your thoughts and actions. While it’s natural to experience attraction and desire, guard against allowing these feelings to lead you into sin. As Jesus taught, we must be pure not just in our actions, but in our hearts as well (Matthew 5:27-28). This may mean being intentional about the media you consume, the conversations you engage in, and the situations you put yourself in.

When opportunities for dating arise, approach them with wisdom and intentionality. Seek relationships that are centered on Christ and that encourage you in your faith. Be clear about your values and boundaries from the beginning. Remember that the purpose of dating should be to discern whether this person could be a potential spouse, not just to fulfill emotional or physical desires in the moment.

If you experience disappointment or heartbreak in your pursuit of romantic love, turn to God for comfort and healing. Allow these experiences to deepen your dependence on Him and to shape you more into His likeness. Trust in His timing and His plan for your life, knowing that He works all things for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28).

Finally, remember that singleness itself can be a gift and a calling. St. Paul speaks of the unique opportunities that singleness provides for undivided devotion to the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). Whether your singleness is temporary or lifelong, seek to use this season to serve God and others with your whole heart.

By focusing on your relationship with God, growing in character, serving others, and approaching romantic possibilities with wisdom and purity, you can honor God in your singleness while still acknowledging your desire for romantic love. Trust in His love for you, which is deeper and more enduring than any human love could ever be.(Morrow, 2016)

How can married couples keep romance alive according to biblical principles?

Marriage is a sacred covenant, a reflection of God’s faithful love for His people. Keeping the flame of romance alive within this covenant is not just a matter of personal fulfillment, but a way to honor God and testify to His enduring love. The Bible offers us rich wisdom for nurturing romance in marriage, guiding us to a love that is both passionate and enduring.

First, we must remember that love is not merely a feeling, but a choice and a commitment. As we read in Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This sacrificial love forms the foundation of a lasting romance. It means choosing to love your spouse daily, even when feelings may waver or circumstances are challenging.

Communication is vital to keeping romance alive. The Song of Solomon gives us a beautiful picture of lovers expressing their admiration and desire for one another. “How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!” (Song of Solomon 4:1). Regularly express your love and appreciation for your spouse, both in words and actions. Be specific in your praise, noticing and affirming the qualities that drew you to your spouse in the first place.

Physical intimacy is an important aspect of marital romance, designed by God as a gift to be enjoyed within the safety of the marriage covenant. As Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband… Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time.” Cultivate intimacy through affectionate touch, quality time together, and a fulfilling sexual relationship, always with mutual respect and consideration.

Forgiveness and grace are essential for maintaining romance. No spouse is perfect, and hurts will occur in even the best marriages. Practice the forgiveness that Christ models for us, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13). This spirit of grace creates an atmosphere where love can flourish.

Prioritize your marriage amidst life’s many demands. Make time for regular date nights, shared activities, and uninterrupted conversations. As we read in Song of Solomon 2:10-13, take time to “arise” and “come away” together, enjoying each other’s company and the beauty of your relationship.

Grow together spiritually. Pray together, study Scripture together, and encourage each other in your faith. A shared spiritual life deepens your bond and aligns your hearts with God’s purposes. “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12).

Maintain appropriate boundaries to protect your marriage. Be vigilant against temptations that could threaten your relationship. As Proverbs 5:18-19 advises, “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth… may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.” Focus your romantic and sexual energy exclusively on your spouse.

Serve and support one another. Look for ways to lighten each other’s burdens and bring joy to each other’s lives. This mutual care and consideration fuels romantic love. As Galatians 5:13 instructs, “serve one another humbly in love.”

Finally, keep Jesus Christ at the center of your marriage. Seek His guidance, rely on His strength, and let His love flow through you to your spouse. As you both grow closer to God, you will inevitably grow closer to each other, and your romance will be continually renewed and deepened by His grace.

Remember, keeping romance alive is not about grand gestures or fleeting passion, but about daily choices to love, honor, and cherish your spouse as a precious gift from God. May your marriage be a testament to His faithful love and a source of joy and blessing in your lives.(Cloud & Townsend, 2009; Morrow, 2016)