Christian Pure

Should I Stay or Leave My Relationship? The Bible Answers Differently for Marriage and Dating

Christian Pure Team

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Summary

  • The Bible never mentions dating, and no one is bound to marry: under Catholic canon law even an engagement does not oblige anyone to go through with it (canon 1062).
  • Marriage is a covenant for life, and Jesus said, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate,” with an exception for sexual immorality in Matthew’s account (Matthew 19:6, 9).
  • The churches differ on leaving a marriage: the Catholic Church permits separation, including for grave danger to a spouse or the children (canon 1153), the Orthodox Church in America may in time allow a divorced person to remarry, and the Westminster Confession allows divorce for adultery or willful desertion.
  • No one has to stay in danger; the U.S. Catholic bishops wrote that “no person is expected to stay in an abusive marriage.”
  • If you need help, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or you can text START to 88788.
  • A 1995 study found that children from high-conflict marriages did better as young adults if their parents divorced, while children from low-conflict marriages did better if their parents stayed together.

The Bible never speaks of dating, so no verse binds a dating couple to stay together. Marriage is different. It is a covenant for life, and Jesus said of it, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mark 10:9). Churches allow a married person to leave only for grave reasons, such as adultery, desertion or abuse. So the whole question turns on a promise. A dating couple has not made one yet, and the churches guard their…

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Bibliography (Click to show)
  • Scripture quotations from the English Standard Version (Mark 10:9, 11–12; Matthew 18:21–22; 19:3–9; 1 Corinthians 7:10–15, 39; 2 Corinthians 6:14; Proverbs 15:22).
  • Code of Canon Law, canons 1062, 1141 and 1151–1155. https://www.vatican.va/archive/cod-iuris-canonici/eng/documents/cic_lib4-cann998-1165_en.html
  • Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1628–1629, 2350 and 2383–2386. https://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/__P53.HTM, https://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/__P85.HTM and https://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/__P87.HTM
  • United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, When I Call for Help: A Pastoral Response to Domestic Violence Against Women (2002). https://www.usccb.org/topics/marriage-and-family-life-ministries/when-i-call-help-pastoral-response-domestic-violence
  • Holy Synod of the Orthodox Church in America, “On Marriage,” section F, “Divorce and Remarriage.” https://www.oca.org/holy-synod/encyclicals/on-marriage
  • Westminster Confession of Faith, chapter 24, “Of Marriage and Divorce,” sections 3, 5 and 6. https://opc.org/wcf.html
  • National Domestic Violence Hotline. https://www.thehotline.org/
  • Joel, Samantha, Geoff MacDonald and Elizabeth Page-Gould, “Wanting to Stay and Wanting to Go: Unpacking the Content and Structure of Relationship Stay/Leave Decision Processes,” Social Psychological and Personality Science 9, no. 6 (2018): 631–644, first published online 2017. https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550617722834
  • Amato, Paul R., Laura Spencer Loomis and Alan Booth, “Parental Divorce, Marital Conflict, and Offspring Well-being during Early Adulthood,” Social Forces 73, no. 3 (1995). https://doi.org/10.2307/2580551

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