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Summary
- Doubts before a wedding are common: in a study of 232 newlywed couples, at least one partner in two-thirds of the couples had felt uncertain about marrying.
- In the same study, 19 percent of wives who had doubts were divorced four years later, against 8 percent of wives without doubts.
- No Bible passage addresses doubts before a wedding, but Matthew records that Joseph, “a just man,” resolved to end his betrothal to Mary until an angel told him to take her as his wife (Matthew 1:18–24).
- Catholic teaching requires consent “free of coercion or grave external fear,” and canon law says an engagement cannot be enforced (Catechism 1628; canons 1062, 1103).
- The 1662 Book of Common Prayer says marriage is not to be undertaken “unadvisedly, lightly, or wantonly.”
- A 2006 survey linked premarital education with more satisfaction, less conflict and lower odds of divorce, though it could not show cause and effect.
Bibliography (Click to show)
- Scripture quotations from the English Standard Version (Matthew 1:18–24; Proverbs 15:22; James 1:5). References: Luke 1:18; John 20:24–29. https://www.biblegateway.com/
- Justin A. Lavner, Benjamin R. Karney and Thomas N. Bradbury, “Do cold feet warn of trouble ahead? Premarital uncertainty and four-year marital outcomes,” Journal of Family Psychology 26, no. 6 (2012): 1012–1017. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3525794/
- Scott M. Stanley, Paul R. Amato, Christine A. Johnson and Howard J. Markman, “Premarital education, marital quality, and marital stability: Findings from a large, random household survey,” Journal of Family Psychology 20, no. 1 (2006): 117–126. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16569096/
- Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraph 1628. https://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/_INDEX.HTM
- Code of Canon Law (1983), canons 1062, 1063 and 1103. https://www.vatican.va/archive/cod-iuris-canonici/eng/documents/cic_lib4-cann998-1165_en.html
- The Book of Common Prayer (1662), “The Form of Solemnization of Matrimony.” https://www.churchofengland.org/prayer-and-worship/worship-texts-and-resources/book-common-prayer/form-solemnization-matrimony
- Holy Synod of Bishops of the Orthodox Church in America, “Synodal Affirmations on Marriage, Family, Sexuality, and the Sanctity of Life” (1992). https://www.oca.org/holy-synod/statements/holy-synod/synodal-affirmations-on-marriage-family-sexuality-and-the-sanctity-of-life
- Ignatius of Loyola, The Spiritual Exercises, rules for the discernment of spirits, rules 4–5 (paragraphs 317–318), translated by Elder Mullan (1914). https://www.thisbody.info/mullan/
