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Japanese The Bible allows grief for someone who has died, and it gives the grief a hope to rest on.
Paul told the church in Thessalonica not to grieve “as others do who have no hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13). He did not tell them to stop grieving. Jesus wept at the grave of his friend Lazarus, and the psalms speak of God as close to the brokenhearted. The nineteen verses below cover permission to grieve, where God is said to be, what is promised about those who have died, and help for the weeks that follow.
Permission to grieve
John 11:35
“Jesus wept.”
Reflection: Jesus wept at the tomb of Lazarus, knowing he was about to raise him. John uses a different verb here from the loud mourning of Mary and the others in verse 33; this one means to shed tears.
Matthew 5:4
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
Reflection: The blessing is pronounced on people while they are mourning. The comfort is promised to them in the future tense.
Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven… a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.”
Reflection: Weeping and mourning are listed as seasons alongside laughing and dancing. The Preacher does not say how long any season lasts.
1 Thessalonians 4:13-14
“But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.”
Reflection: Paul addresses the kind of grief rather than forbidding it. His reason is in verse 14: since Jesus died and rose again, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep.
Where God is said to be
Psalm 34:18
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Reflection: The psalm says where the Lord is in grief: close to the brokenhearted. It does not say how quickly the grief will lift.
Psalm 147:3
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
Reflection: The Hebrew verb for “binds up” is the word for wrapping a wound. The image assumes a real injury that heals over time.
Psalm 23:4
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”
Reflection: Here the psalm changes from speaking about God to speaking to him: “you are with me.” The shepherd is addressed directly in the valley.
Zephaniah 3:17
“The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love.”
Reflection: Translations differ on the last line. The Hebrew says, literally, that he will be silent in his love; the ESV reads it as God quieting you, and the KJV has “he will rest in his love.”
Lamentations 3:31-32
“For the Lord will not cast off forever, for, though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love.”
Reflection: The writer keeps “though he cause grief” in the same sentence as the compassion. The next verse adds that God “does not afflict from his heart” (3:33).
What is promised about the person who died
John 11:25-26
“Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live.’”
Reflection: Martha met Jesus outside the village, four days after her brother’s burial (11:17-20). He made this promise to her before he went to the tomb.
John 14:1-3
“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?”
Reflection: Jesus said this at supper on the night before his death, to disciples who were about to lose him. The picture is of a house with many rooms and a place being prepared.
1 Corinthians 15:54-55
“‘Death is swallowed up in victory.’ ‘O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?’”
Reflection: Near the end of his chapter on the resurrection, Paul quotes Isaiah 25:8 and Hosea 13:14 and speaks to death directly. The hope rests on Christ’s own rising, which the Bible’s verses about the resurrection of Jesus set out.
Romans 8:38-39
“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God.”
Reflection: Death is the first thing on Paul’s list of what cannot separate believers from the love of God.
Revelation 21:4
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore.”
Reflection: God himself wipes away the tears. The words echo Isaiah 25:8, the same verse Paul quotes about death being swallowed up.
For the weeks nobody prepares us for
Romans 12:15
“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”
Reflection: The second half is the instruction for anyone with a grieving friend. It asks for company in the grief and says nothing about fixing it.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction.”
Reflection: Paul says the comfort he received equips him to comfort others. A few verses later he describes an affliction in Asia so severe that he despaired of life (1:8).
Matthew 11:28-30
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Reflection: The invitation is to come while still heavy laden. The rest is given by Jesus, and the yoke he offers is described as easy.
Philippians 4:7
“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Reflection: The peace Paul describes surpasses understanding. It does not come with an explanation of why the loss happened.
2 Corinthians 12:9
“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’”
Reflection: Paul received this answer after asking three times for his thorn to be removed (12:8). Grace was given in place of the removal.
What to say, and what not to
If you are grieving, these verses do not ask you to be further along than you are. Jesus wept at a grave he was about to open, Lamentations keeps the hard clause beside the mercy, and Paul addressed the kind of sorrow rather than forbidding it.
If you are beside someone who is grieving, Romans 12:15 asks you to weep with them. When Job’s friends first came, they sat with him on the ground for seven days and nobody spoke a word (Job 2:13); God later rebuked the speeches they made afterward (Job 42:7). The promises about the Father’s house are true, and there is a time for them. In the first weeks, company usually helps more than argument.
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