Christian Pure

Can a Christian Reject Someone Lovingly? Yes: Scripture Asks for Truth Spoken in Love

Christian Pure Team

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Summary

  • Scripture asks us to speak “the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15), and Jesus asked that our yes be yes and our no be no (Matthew 5:37).
  • Jesus himself turned down requests from the crowds and from the scribes and Pharisees (Mark 1:38; Matthew 12:38–39), and Paul would not give in when his friends begged him not to go to Jerusalem (Acts 21:12–14).
  • Naomi told her daughters-in-law to go home, blessed them, and gave them her reason plainly (Ruth 1:8–18).
  • A 1993 study of unrequited love found that people who had been turned down often believed they had been led on and never clearly refused.
  • The Catholic Catechism says truthfulness joins honesty with discretion (Catechism 2469), so a kind refusal does not have to list every reason.

Yes. Scripture asks us to speak “the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15), and Jesus asked that our yes mean yes and our no mean no (Matthew 5:37). A refusal can be honest and kind at once. Research on unrequited love finds that people who are turned down often believe they were led on and never clearly told no. Naomi shows us how. She sent her two daughters-in-law back to their mothers’ homes, and she blessed them as she did it:…

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Bibliography (Click to show)
  • Scripture quotations from the English Standard Version (Ephesians 4:15, 25; Matthew 5:37; 10:14; 12:38–39; Mark 1:38; Luke 4:28–30; 5:15–16; Acts 21:12–16; Colossians 4:6; 1 Corinthians 16:14; Ruth 1:8–18; Proverbs 13:12; Romans 12:10, 18; Isaiah 53:3; 1 Peter 2:4, 7).
  • Baumeister, Roy F., Sara R. Wotman and Arlene M. Stillwell, “Unrequited Love: On Heartbreak, Anger, Guilt, Scriptlessness, and Humiliation,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 64, no. 3 (1993): 377–394. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.64.3.377
  • Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2469 and 2477. https://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/__P8I.HTM and https://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/__P8K.HTM

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