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Summary
- The Bible never mentions dating or ex-boyfriends, so it has no rule for or against keeping in touch.
- Paul’s words “not all things are helpful” (1 Corinthians 10:23) and the call to “keep your heart with all vigilance” (Proverbs 4:23) are the passages most often applied.
- Among 137 recently separated adults, contact with a former spouse went with poorer adjustment for those who had not accepted the separation and better adjustment for those who had (Mason et al., 2012).
- In a 2020 study of 122 separated adults, more in-person contact predicted more distress two months later, but only among people without children.
- About 40 percent of college students in a relationship were communicating with a former partner, with effects on the current relationship that depended on the reasons (Rodriguez et al., 2016).
- Scripture commands forgiveness (Matthew 18:22) but does not make it depend on staying in contact.
Bibliography (Click to show)
- Scripture quotations from the English Standard Version (Proverbs 4:23; 12:15; Matthew 18:22; Romans 12:18; 1 Corinthians 10:23; Ephesians 4:31; 1 Thessalonians 4:4–5; Hebrews 13:4). https://www.biblegateway.com/
- Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraph 2338. https://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/_INDEX.HTM
- Ashley E. Mason, David A. Sbarra, Amanda E. B. Bryan and Lauren A. Lee, “Staying Connected When Coming Apart: The Psychological Correlates of Contact and Sex with an Ex-Partner,” Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology 31, no. 5 (2012): 488–507. https://doi.org/10.1521/jscp.2012.31.5.488
- Karey L. O’Hara, Austin M. Grinberg, Allison M. Tackman, Matthias R. Mehl and David A. Sbarra, “Contact With an Ex-Partner Is Associated With Psychological Distress After Marital Separation,” Clinical Psychological Science 8, no. 3 (2020): 450–463. https://doi.org/10.1177/2167702620916454
- Carl S. Schneider and David A. Kenny, “Cross-Sex Friends Who Were Once Romantic Partners: Are They Platonic Friends Now?” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 17, no. 3 (2000): 451–466. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407500173007
- Rebecca L. Griffith, Omri Gillath, Xian Zhao and Richard Martinez, “Staying friends with ex-romantic partners: Predictors, reasons, and outcomes,” Personal Relationships 24, no. 3 (2017): 550–584. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12197
- Lindsey M. Rodriguez, Camilla S. Øverup, Robert E. Wickham, C. Raymond Knee and Amber B. Amspoker, “Communication with former romantic partners and current relationship outcomes among college students,” Personal Relationships 23, no. 3 (2016): 409–424. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12133
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