17 Bible Verses About Marriage Counseling

Genesis 2:24

“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

Reflection: The verse follows the making of the woman from the man’s rib and the man’s words, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” It names three things: leaving father and mother, being united to a wife, and becoming one flesh. The chapter ends on the couple “naked, and they felt no shame” (Genesis 2:25).

Mark 10:9

“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Reflection: Pharisees in Judea asked Jesus whether it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife. He answered from Genesis 1 and 2, “So they are no longer two, but one flesh,” and drew this conclusion from it. Later, in the house, he told his disciples that a man who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her, and so does a woman who divorces her husband and marries another man (Mark 10:11-12). Matthew’s account of the same exchange adds “except for sexual immorality” (Matthew 19:9).

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”

Reflection: The Teacher has just described a man all alone, with “neither son nor brother,” who toils without end and asks, “For whom am I toiling?” Verses 9 to 12 then list what two have that one lacks: help up after a fall, warmth when they lie down together, defence against attack, and “a cord of three strands” that is not quickly broken. The passage speaks of two people in general, and a husband and wife are one such pair.

Psalm 127:1

“Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain.”

Reflection: A song of ascents, headed “Of Solomon.” Builders and guards work in vain unless the Lord builds and watches, and verse 2 says the same of rising early and staying up late “toiling for food to eat.” Verse 3 turns to children as “a heritage from the Lord,” which puts a household in view as well as a building.

Ephesians 5:25

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her …”

Reflection: The passage opens with “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21) and then tells wives, “submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22), before turning to husbands. The measure of the husband’s love is Christ, who “gave himself up” for the church, the phrase Paul used of Christ’s love for all believers in Ephesians 5:2. The sentence continues with the purpose of that self-giving: “to make her holy” (Ephesians 5:26).

Ephesians 5:33

“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Reflection: Paul has said that husbands ought to love their wives “as their own bodies” (Ephesians 5:28), then quoted Genesis 2:24 and called it “a profound mystery” about Christ and the church. With “However” he comes back to the couple and sums up in two duties: the husband loves his wife as himself, and the wife respects her husband.

Colossians 3:19

“Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”

Reflection: The instruction sits in a list for a household: wives, husbands, children, fathers, then slaves and masters. The verse before it tells wives, “submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (Colossians 3:18). To the command to love, Paul adds a prohibition: do not be harsh with her.

1 Peter 3:7

“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

Reflection: Peter has addressed wives, including those whose husbands “do not believe the word” (1 Peter 3:1), and then turns to husbands. He calls the wife the weaker partner and in the same sentence a co-heir of “the gracious gift of life.” How a husband treats his wife bears on his own prayers. The next verses address everyone: “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult” (1 Peter 3:9).

1 Corinthians 7:3-5

“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

Reflection: Paul is answering a letter from the church in Corinth, which had quoted the line “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman” (1 Corinthians 7:1). He replies that husband and wife each yield authority over their own body to the other, in identical terms for both. Abstaining is allowed only “by mutual consent and for a time,” for prayer, and Paul adds, “I say this as a concession, not as a command” (1 Corinthians 7:6).

James 1:19

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

Reflection: James writes “to the twelve tribes scattered among the nations” (James 1:1), and the rule is for “everyone.” The next verse gives the reason for being slow to anger: “human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” Proverbs 18:13 makes the same point about listening: “To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.”

Proverbs 15:1

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Reflection: The proverb sets two kinds of answer side by side and names what each produces. Two of the next three verses are also about the tongue, among them “The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit” (Proverbs 15:4).

Ephesians 4:29

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

Reflection: The verse belongs to a list of things to put off and put on, written to “God’s holy people in Ephesus” as “members of one body.” Three verses earlier Paul writes, “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (Ephesians 4:26). The test he gives for speech is whether it builds up the one who hears it.

Colossians 3:13

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

Reflection: Paul tells the church at Colossae to clothe themselves with “compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” (Colossians 3:12) before he mentions grievances. The pattern for forgiveness is the Lord’s forgiveness of them, and Ephesians 4:32 gives the same pattern: “just as in Christ God forgave you.” The instructions to wives and husbands follow a few verses later.

1 Corinthians 13:7

“It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Reflection: Paul wrote 1 Corinthians 13 in the middle of his teaching on spiritual gifts, after “I will show you the most excellent way” (1 Corinthians 12:31) and before “Follow the way of love” (1 Corinthians 14:1). The verse closes a list of what love does and does not do, including “it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5).

Philippians 2:3-4

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

Reflection: Paul has just asked the Philippians to be “like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind” (Philippians 2:2). The example he gives next is Christ, who “made himself nothing” (Philippians 2:7).

Galatians 5:13

“You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.”

Reflection: Paul has argued that the Galatians are free from the law, and here he says what the freedom is for: serving one another in love. He sums up the law in “Love your neighbor as yourself” and warns, “If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other” (Galatians 5:14-15).

Proverbs 15:22

“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”

Reflection: The proverb is about plans of any kind and sets a lack of counsel against “many advisers.” Proverbs 12:15 sets the fool, whose own way “seems right to them,” against the wise, who “listen to advice.”