Article Summary
- The Bible provides a meaningful perspective on singleness, with Paul highlighting its spiritual benefits and Jesus serving as an example of a purposeful single life.
- Finding contentment as a single Christian involves deepening one’s relationship with God, building meaningful community relationships, using talents to serve others, and remaining grateful and open to God’s plan.
- Spiritual practices like contemplative prayer, Scripture meditation, gratitude, acts of service, cultivating friendships, and fasting can help singles thrive and grow in their faith.
- Dealing with loneliness involves acknowledging feelings before God, finding comfort in His presence, building relationships within the faith community, serving others, caring for oneself, and trusting in God’s timing and plans.
Is there a biblical perspective on singleness at this age?
The Bible offers us a rich and nuanced perspective on singleness that can bring comfort and purpose to those in this season of life. While marriage is often celebrated in Scripture, singleness is also upheld as a meaningful and even spiritually advantageous state.
The apostle Paul, who was himself unmarried, wrote eloquently about the benefits of singleness in 1 Corinthians 7. He suggests that the unmarried person can be more fully devoted to serving the Lord, unburdened by worldly concerns that come with marriage and family life. "I would like you to be free from concern," Paul writes. "An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife" (1 Corinthians 7:32-33) (Ademiluka, 2021, p. 9).
Yet we must be careful not to elevate singleness above marriage, or vice versa. Both are gifts from God, each with their own blessings and challenges. What matters most is not our marital status, but our devotion to Christ and our willingness to serve Him with our whole hearts.
Jesus himself, the perfect example of human life, remained unmarried during his earthly ministry. He demonstrated that a life of singleness can be one of powerful purpose, deep relationships, and transformative impact on the world.
In the end, your worth and identity are not determined by your relationship status, but by your status as a beloved child of God. Whether single or married, young or old, we are all called to love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength, and to love our neighbor as ourselves. This is the path to true fulfillment, regardless of our circumstances.
How can I find contentment and purpose as a single Christian?
Finding contentment and purpose as a single Christian is a journey of faith, self-discovery, and service. It begins with embracing the truth that you are complete in Christ, lacking nothing of eternal significance. As Saint Paul reminds us, "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances" (Philippians 4:11).
Deepen your relationship with God. Make time for prayer, meditation on Scripture, and silent contemplation of God's love for you. As you grow in intimacy with the Divine, you will find a wellspring of joy and purpose that transcends your earthly circumstances (Turi et al., 2020).
Invest in meaningful relationships within your faith community. While romantic companionship may be absent, the body of Christ offers rich opportunities for deep, nurturing friendships. Seek out mentors who can guide you spiritually, and in turn, be a mentor to others. Remember the words of Ecclesiastes: "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor" (Ecclesiastes 4:9).
Discover and use your God-given gifts to serve others. Every believer has been endowed with unique talents and abilities meant to build up the body of Christ and bless the world. As you pour yourself out in service, you will find a powerful sense of purpose and fulfillment. "Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms" (1 Peter 4:10).
Cultivate a spirit of gratitude. Take time each day to thank God for His blessings, both big and small. Gratitude has a transformative power, shifting our focus from what we lack to the abundance we already possess (Cordaro et al., 2020, pp. 1769–1790).
Lastly, remain open to God's leading in your life. While embracing your current season of singleness, continue to hold your future plans with open hands. God's ways are often mysterious, and His timing perfect. Trust in His goodness and sovereignty, knowing that He works all things together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28).
Remember, your worth is not determined by your relationship status, but by the immeasurable love God has for you. In Him, you are complete, and through Him, you can live a life of powerful purpose and contentment.
What are some spiritual practices that can help me thrive in this season?
The season of singleness can be a fertile ground for spiritual growth and deepening your relationship with God. Let me share with you some spiritual practices that can help you not just survive, but truly thrive in this period of your life.
Embrace the practice of contemplative prayer. This is not merely asking God for things, but sitting in His presence, opening your heart to His love, and listening for His voice. As the psalmist says, "Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10). In the silence, you may find a companionship more powerful than any earthly relationship (Nelson-Becker & Moeke-Maxwell, 2020).
Immerse yourself in Scripture. The Word of God is living and active, able to speak directly to your circumstances and heart. Develop a habit of lectio divina – a slow, meditative reading of Scripture that allows the words to sink deep into your soul. Let the promises of God be a balm to your spirit and a guide for your path (Ademiluka, 2021, p. 9).
Practice gratitude as a spiritual discipline. Each day, take time to thank God for His blessings, both big and small. This practice can shift your focus from what you lack to the abundance you already possess. As Saint Paul exhorts us, "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (1 Thessalonians 5:18) (Cordaro et al., 2020, pp. 1769–1790).
Engage in acts of service and compassion. Use your gifts and time to bless others, whether through formal ministry or simple acts of kindness. This not only benefits those you serve but also brings a sense of purpose and fulfillment to your own life. Remember the words of Jesus, "It is more blessed to give than to receive" (Acts 20:35).
Cultivate spiritual friendships. Seek out relationships with fellow believers who can encourage you in your faith journey. Share your struggles and joys, pray for one another, and spur each other on towards love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24-25).
Lastly, consider fasting as a way to focus your spirit and deepen your dependence on God. This could be fasting from food, or from other things that may distract you from God, such as social media or entertainment. Use the time and energy usually spent on these things to seek God more intentionally (Clarken, 2008).
Remember, these practices are not about earning God's favor, which you already have in abundance. Rather, they are ways of opening yourself more fully to the transformative work of the Holy Spirit in your life. As you engage in these practices, may you experience the truth of Psalm 16:11: "You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand."
How do I deal with loneliness and desires for companionship?
The ache of loneliness and the yearning for companionship are deeply human experiences, ones that even our Lord Jesus knew during His time on earth. Yet, in the midst of these feelings, we can find comfort, strength, and even joy through our faith and the love of our Heavenly Father.
Acknowledge your feelings before God. Pour out your heart to Him in honest prayer, just as the psalmists did. "O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you" (Psalm 38:9). God is not intimidated by your emotions; He welcomes your vulnerability and desires to comfort you in your distress (Nelson-Becker & Moeke-Maxwell, 2020).
Remember that you are never truly alone. Christ promised, "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age" (Matthew 28:20). Cultivate an awareness of God's constant presence in your life. This doesn't mean your loneliness will instantly vanish, but it can provide a powerful sense of comfort and companionship (Ademiluka, 2021, p. 9).
Invest in meaningful relationships within your faith community. While these may not fulfill all your desires for companionship, they can provide major emotional and spiritual support. The early church modeled this beautifully, as believers shared their lives deeply with one another (Acts 2:42-47). Seek out opportunities to connect with others, perhaps through small groups, ministry teams, or one-on-one friendships (Turi et al., 2020).
Channel your energy into serving others. Paradoxically, when we focus on meeting the needs of others, our own needs often feel less pressing. Look for ways to use your gifts and time to bless those around you. This not only helps others but can also provide a sense of purpose and fulfillment (Clarken, 2008).
Take care of your physical and mental health. Loneliness can be exacerbated by neglecting self-care. Ensure you're getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising regularly, and engaging in activities that bring you joy. If your feelings of loneliness persist or become overwhelming, don't hesitate to seek professional help.
Lastly, hold onto hope. If your desire is for marriage, continue to pray and trust in God's timing and plan for your life. But also remain open to the possibility that God's best for you might look different than you expect. As Isaiah 55:8-9 reminds us, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.
Remember, your worth is not determined by your relationship status. You are infinitely valuable and deeply loved by God. In His love, you can find the strength to navigate this season with grace and even joy. May you experience the truth of Psalm 34:18: "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
What does the Bible say about marriage vs. singleness?
The Bible presents both marriage and singleness as gifts from God, each with its own blessings and challenges. It's important to understand that neither state is inherently superior to the other; rather, they are different callings for different people at different times.
In the beginning, God created marriage as a beautiful union between man and woman. "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him" (Genesis 2:18). This passage affirms the goodness of companionship and the complementary nature of male and female. Throughout Scripture, marriage is often used as a metaphor for God's relationship with His people, highlighting its sacred nature (Ademiluka, 2021, p. 9).
But the New Testament also presents a positive view of singleness, particularly through the teachings of Jesus and Paul. Jesus spoke of some who "choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 19:12), suggesting that some are called to remain single for spiritual purposes.
The Apostle Paul, who was himself unmarried, wrote extensively about the benefits of singleness in 1 Corinthians 7. He states, "I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that" (1 Corinthians 7:7). Paul sees singleness as a gift that allows for undivided devotion to the Lord (Ademiluka, 2021, p. 9).
Paul goes on to say, "An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife" (1 Corinthians 7:32-33). This doesn't mean that married people can't serve God effectively, but it acknowledges the unique freedom that singleness can provide for ministry and service.
It's crucial to note that the Bible doesn't mandate either marriage or singleness for all believers. Instead, it presents both as viable options for living out one's faith. The key is to seek God's will for your individual life and to use your current state, whether married or single, to glorify God and serve others.
The Bible emphasizes that our primary identity is not in our marital status, but in our relationship with Christ. As Paul writes in Galatians 3:28, "There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." Our unity in Christ transcends all earthly distinctions, including marital status.
Whether you are called to marriage or singleness, remember that your worth and completeness come from Christ alone. Both states offer unique opportunities to grow in faith, serve others, and glorify God. As you navigate your path, seek God's guidance, remain open to His leading, and trust in His perfect plan for your life. May you find peace and purpose in whatever state you find yourself, knowing that in Christ, you are fully loved and completely sufficient.
How can I serve God and the church as a single person?
As a single person you have a unique and precious opportunity to devote yourself fully to serving God and His Church. Saint Paul himself spoke of the advantages of singleness, saying that the unmarried person "is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord" (1 Corinthians 7:32).
Cultivate a deep and intimate relationship with God through prayer, Scripture study, and contemplation. This spiritual foundation will nourish and sustain all your other efforts. Make time each day to sit in God's presence, to listen for His voice, and to align your heart with His will.
Actively participate in the life of your local church community. Attend Mass regularly, receive the sacraments, and seek opportunities to serve. Perhaps you could become a lector, join the choir, or assist with religious education. Your time and talents are gifts from God – use them generously to build up the Body of Christ.
Consider also how you might engage in works of mercy and charity. Visit the sick and elderly, volunteer at a soup kitchen, or mentor young people in the faith. As a single person, you may have more flexibility to respond to needs as they arise. Be attentive to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, who will guide you to where your service is most needed.
Do not underestimate the power of your witness as a joyful, faithful single person. In a world that often equates happiness with romantic relationships, your contentment and purpose in Christ can be a powerful testimony. Show others that a life devoted to God is deeply fulfilling.
Finally, remember that your vocation to holiness is no less important than that of married persons. Strive each day to grow in virtue, to love God and neighbor more perfectly, and to become the saint you are called to be. In this way, you participate in the Church's mission of sanctification and evangelization.
Your singleness is not a waiting room for marriage, but a sacred calling in itself. Embrace it with joy and purpose, knowing that God has beautiful plans for you just as you are.(Aarde & Timothy, 2017, p. 9)
Is there still hope for marriage at this age?
Let me assure you with all my heart: there is always hope! Our God is a God of surprises, of new beginnings, of dreams fulfilled in unexpected ways. Your age does not limit His power or His plans for your life.
Remember the story of Abraham and Sarah, who became parents in their old age when it seemed impossible. Or think of Elizabeth and Zechariah, blessed with John the Baptist long after they had given up hope of having a child. These biblical accounts remind us that God's timing is not our timing, and His ways are higher than our ways.
That being said, it's important to approach this question with both faith and wisdom. While remaining open to the possibility of marriage, focus primarily on living fully in the present moment. Cultivate gratitude for the blessings in your life now, rather than fixating on what you lack. This attitude of contentment and trust is attractive and may even open doors to new relationships.
Consider also whether your desire for marriage stems from genuine readiness for partnership or from external pressures and expectations. Take time for honest self-reflection and personal growth. Work on becoming the kind of person you would want to marry – someone of strong faith, emotional maturity, and loving character.
If marriage is truly your heart's desire, bring this longing to God in prayer. But pray not just for a spouse, but for God's will to be done in your life. Ask for the grace to trust in His plan, whether that includes marriage or not. Remember, your ultimate fulfillment comes from your relationship with God, not from any human relationship.
At the same time, remain open and engaged with life. Pursue your interests, build friendships, and participate actively in your community. These activities not only enrich your life but also increase the likelihood of meeting a potential partner who shares your values and passions.
If you do choose to actively seek a relationship, consider widening your social circles. Participate in church events, join faith-based groups or volunteer organizations. Online dating can also be an option if approached with discernment and caution.
Above all, trust in God's loving providence. He knows the desires of your heart and wants your ultimate happiness. Whether through marriage or a fulfilling single life, He will lead you to the path that best allows you to grow in holiness and serve His kingdom.
Do not lose heart. Your life is a beautiful unfolding story, and God is not finished writing it yet. Keep hope alive, but place it first and foremost in the One who loves you unconditionally and eternally.(Downey, 2015, pp. 1–5)
How do I respond to pressure from family/church to get married?
This is a delicate situation that requires both compassion and courage. Remember that those who pressure you likely do so out of love and concern for your well-being, even if their approach is misguided. Yet it is crucial to assert your dignity as a child of God and the freedom He has given you to discern your own vocation.
Pray for wisdom and grace to respond with love. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide your words and actions, that you may speak truth with gentleness and maintain peace in your relationships.
When addressing this pressure, begin by expressing gratitude for their care and concern. Then, calmly and firmly explain that while you appreciate their intentions, the decision about marriage is a deeply personal one between you and God. Share that you are actively seeking God's will for your life and trust in His timing and plan.
It may be helpful to educate your family and church community about the value and dignity of the single vocation. Remind them of Jesus' own singleness and the words of St. Paul about the advantages of remaining unmarried to serve the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). Explain how your current state allows you to devote yourself more fully to God's work and the needs of others.
If the pressure persists, set clear boundaries. Politely but firmly ask them to respect your choices and to refrain from making comments or suggestions about your marital status. You might say something like, "I know you want what's best for me, but these comments make me uncomfortable. I would appreciate if we could focus on other aspects of my life when we talk."
Consider sharing with them the ways you are finding fulfillment and purpose in your current state of life. Highlight your involvement in church activities, your personal growth, or your service to others. This can help shift their perspective and alleviate their concerns about your happiness and well-being.
If you're struggling with feelings of inadequacy or doubt due to this pressure, seek support from a spiritual director or counselor. They can help you process these emotions and reinforce your sense of worth and purpose in God's eyes.
Remember, that your value does not come from your marital status but from your identity as God's beloved. Stand firm in this truth. At the same time, remain open to God's leading. If marriage is part of His plan for you, it will unfold in His perfect timing.
Lastly, pray for those who pressure you. Ask God to open their hearts to a broader understanding of vocation and fulfillment. Your gracious response to their pressure can be a powerful witness to the joy and purpose found in a life fully surrendered to God, regardless of marital status.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding or the expectations of others. He will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6).(Gui, 2022, pp. 2118–2137; Liu et al., 2023, pp. 957–970)
What are healthy ways to pursue relationships at this stage of life?
My pursuing relationships at any stage of life should be a journey of growth, self-discovery, and deepening faith. At this point in your life, you have the advantage of greater self-knowledge and life experience. Let these inform your approach as you seek meaningful connections.
Root your search for relationships in prayer and discernment. Ask God to guide your steps and to prepare your heart for the kind of relationships He desires for you. Seek His wisdom in distinguishing between mere attraction and true compatibility based on shared values and faith.
Be intentional about expanding your social circles in ways that align with your values and interests. Participate actively in your faith community, join church groups or Bible studies, and consider faith-based volunteer opportunities. These settings allow you to meet like-minded individuals naturally while serving God and others.
Cultivate friendships without the immediate pressure of romantic expectations. Strong platonic relationships can enrich your life immensely and sometimes blossom into something more. They also provide a support network and opportunities for personal growth.
If you choose to explore online dating, approach it with wisdom and caution. Look for platforms that cater to people of faith and be honest about your values and expectations. Remember that online profiles can't capture the full essence of a person, so move slowly and prioritize in-person meetings when it feels appropriate and safe.
As you meet potential partners, practice open and honest communication from the start. Be clear about your faith, your values, and your hopes for a relationship. Listen attentively to understand their perspective as well. This transparency helps build a foundation of trust and mutual understanding.
Take time to truly get to know someone before rushing into a committed relationship. Use this period to observe how they treat others, how they handle stress or conflict, and how their faith influences their daily life. Pay attention to red flags and trust your instincts if something doesn't feel right.
Maintain healthy boundaries in your interactions. Respect yourself and the other person by moving at a pace that allows for emotional and spiritual growth. Guard your heart while remaining open to genuine connection.
Remember that physical intimacy is a precious gift meant for marriage. Strive to build relationships based on deeper emotional and spiritual connections. Engage in activities that allow you to see each other in various contexts – serving together, enjoying shared interests, interacting with friends and family.
Throughout this process, continue to invest in your own personal and spiritual growth. A healthy relationship should complement, not complete, your life. Pursue your passions, deepen your faith, and become the best version of yourself. This not only makes you more attractive to potential partners but also ensures you're bringing your best self to any future relationship.
Finally, hold your desires lightly before God. While it's good to be proactive in seeking relationships, ultimately trust in His perfect timing and plan. Whether through marriage or a fulfilling single life, He will lead you to the path where you can best love and serve Him.
How can I trust God's plan for my life, including my relationship status?
My trusting in God's plan, especially regarding matters close to our hearts like our relationship status, can be a powerful challenge. Yet it is also an invitation to deepen our faith and experience the peace that surpasses all understanding.
Begin by anchoring yourself in the truth of God's unconditional love for you. Meditate on scriptures that affirm His care and faithfulness, such as Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Let these words sink deep into your soul, reminding you that your life is held in loving hands.
Cultivate a habit of surrendering your desires and fears to God in prayer. Pour out your heart to Him honestly, expressing your longings and uncertainties. Then, like Jesus in Gethsemane, practice saying, "Not my will, but yours be done" (Luke 22:42). This act of surrender is not resignation, but a courageous choice to trust in God's wisdom and love.
Reflect on the ways God has been faithful in your past. Keep a gratitude journal, noting the blessings, big and small, that you experience each day. This practice helps shift our focus from what we lack to the abundance God provides, strengthening our trust in His ongoing care.
Seek to understand your life's purpose beyond your relationship status. God has gifted you uniquely and called you to specific good works (Ephesians 2:10). Invest time in discerning your gifts and passions, and look for ways to use them in service to others. As you engage in meaningful work and relationships, you may find a deeper sense of fulfillment that is not dependent on your marital status.
Surround yourself with a community of faith that supports and encourages you. Share your struggles and doubts with trusted friends or a spiritual director. Their perspectives and prayers can bolster your faith when it wavers and remind you of God's faithfulness.
Practice living fully in the present moment, embracing the gifts and opportunities of your current season. Whether single or in a relationship, each stage of life offers unique blessings and challenges. Ask God for the grace to appreciate and maximize the present rather than always longing for a different future.
When doubts arise, gently remind yourself of God's character. He is not a cosmic killjoy, but a loving Father who desires your ultimate good. Trust that if marriage is part of His plan for you, He will bring it about in His perfect timing. And if He has another path for you, it will be equally filled with purpose and joy.
Consider fasting or making a sacrifice as a tangible act of trust in God's plan. This spiritual practice can help detach us from our own will and open us more fully to God's guidance.
Finally, remember that your worth and completeness come from Christ alone, not from your relationship status. You are infinitely loved and valuable just as you are. Let this truth free you from anxiety about the future and empower you to live boldly and joyfully in the present.
Trust is a choice we must make daily, sometimes moment by moment. Be patient with yourself in this journey. Each time you choose to trust God despite uncertainty or disappointment, your faith grows stronger. And as you continually place your life in His hands, you will experience the deep peace and joy that come from resting in His perfect love.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit (Romans 15:13).(Schieman, 2010, pp. 25–51; Upenieks et al., 2023, pp. 704–720)
Bibliography:
Aarde, V., & Timothy, A. (2017). The missional church structure and the priesthood of all believers (Ephesia