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Dutch Category 1: The Divine Command to Release Grudges
This first group of verses establishes the non-negotiable scriptural call to let go of grudges. It is presented not as a gentle suggestion, but as a foundational command for the health of our spirit and our relationship with God.
Leviticus 19:18
“‘Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.’”
Reflection: This is one of the earliest and clearest moral instructions against the poison of a grudge. To “bear a grudge” is to carry a heavy, acidic stone in the heart. The command is rooted not in a feeling, but in an identity: “I am the LORD.” He is the one who judges rightly and loves perfectly. Releasing a grudge, therefore, is an act of faith, entrusting justice to God and freeing ourselves to obey the higher, healthier law of love.
Ephesians 4:26-27
“‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”
Reflection: Here, a profound psychological and spiritual truth is revealed. Anger is an emotion, but a grudge is a chosen state of being. Allowing anger to curdle overnight into a grudge is like leaving a door ajar for destructive spiritual and emotional forces. It gives a “foothold” for bitterness to settle in our hearts, creating a space where our thoughts and feelings become corrupted. This is a call for immediate emotional and spiritual hygiene.
Colossians 3:13
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Reflection: The term “bear with each other” acknowledges the friction inherent in human relationships. Grievances are inevitable. The verse, however, moves from enduring the friction to actively resolving the wound. The mechanism for this is forgiveness, and the engine is the memory of our own pardon. We don’t forgive because the other person deserves it; we forgive because we, who are undeserving, have been shown the ultimate grace. This reframes forgiveness from an act of condescension to an act of humbling solidarity.
Mark 11:25
“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”
Reflection: This verse intimately links our horizontal relationships with our vertical one. A grudge acts as a form of spiritual static, disrupting our communion with God. To hold unforgiveness in our hearts while seeking forgiveness from God is a profound contradiction that the soul cannot sustain. It reveals that forgiving others is not just for their benefit, but is essential for maintaining an open, honest, and receptive posture before our Heavenly Father.
Matthew 6:14-15
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
Reflection: This is one of the most sobering statements on the matter. It presents forgiveness not as an optional elective in the life of faith, but as a core, pass/fail course. A heart that has truly received and understood the weight of God’s grace naturally becomes a conduit of that same grace. A heart that refuses to forgive is, in a way, showing that it has not yet been broken and healed by the reality of its own need for mercy. The unforgiving spirit is a closed system, unable to receive the very thing it withholds.
James 1:19-20
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”
Reflection: A grudge is often born from quick anger and slow listening. This verse offers the preventative medicine. By cultivating a posture of curiosity and restraint—listening before accusing, pausing before reacting—we starve anger of the oxygen it needs to become the consuming fire of a grudge. It reminds us that our raw, unchecked emotional reactions, however justified they may feel, are poor tools for building the kind of righteous, whole, and healed life God envisions for us.
Category 2: The Heart’s Struggle with Bitterness
These verses delve into the internal world, exploring the corrosive emotional and spiritual consequences of nursing a grudge. They diagnose the sickness of bitterness that grows from an unreleased offense.
Hebrews 12:15
“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
Reflection: Here, a grudge is depicted as a “bitter root.” This is a perfect moral-emotional image. A root starts small and hidden, but it quietly grows, drawing life from the soil of the heart. Eventually, it breaks the surface, “causing trouble” by poisoning our perceptions, and “defiling many” by spreading its toxins into our other relationships. To harbor a grudge is to cultivate a secret garden of poison that will inevitably contaminate the entire landscape of the soul.
Ephesians 4:31-32
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Reflection: This is not merely a suggestion; it is a spiritual and emotional surgery. Bitterness, rage, and anger are a toxic family of emotions that fester within the soul, poisoning our perception and fracturing our relationships. The remedy is not sheer willpower, but a profound exchange. We release the poison because we have been given the antidote: the lavish, unmerited forgiveness of God in Christ. Our kindness toward others is the natural, healthy outflow of having been shown the ultimate kindness.
1 Corinthians 13:4-5
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”
Reflection: A grudge is, at its core, a meticulously kept “record of wrongs.” It is an accounting ledger of hurt where we are the perpetual creditor. This verse beautifully reveals that such scorekeeping is the antithesis of love. Love, in its divine essence, deliberately chooses to wipe the slate clean. It doesn’t mean pretending the wrong didn’t happen, but it means refusing to allow the wrong to define the relationship or our own inner state. It is an act of emotional and spiritual liberation.
Proverbs 17:9
“Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.”
Reflection: To “cover over an offense” is not to deny it, but to choose reconciliation over retribution. It’s an act of grace that absorbs the pain rather than reflects it back. In contrast, “repeating the matter”—whether to others in gossip or to oneself in rumination—is the very act that feeds a grudge. It re-opens the wound again and again, ensuring it never heals and solidifying the separation between people. Love builds bridges; grudge-bearing builds walls.
Proverbs 10:12
“Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.”
Reflection: This Proverb presents a fundamental choice in how we process hurt. Hatred, the hardened end-state of a grudge, is an active, agitating force. It isn’t content to be still; it must “stir up conflict,” seeking validation and vengeance. Love, however, has a different, more powerful quality. It “covers” wrongs with a blanket of grace, absorbing the shock and creating the space for healing and peace, rather than escalating the cycle of pain.
Proverbs 19:11
“A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.”
Reflection: Our culture often frames holding a grudge as a sign of strength or self-respect. This verse turns that notion on its head. True glory, true honor, is found not in clutching our grievances, but in having the wisdom and emotional fortitude to “overlook an offense.” This isn’t weakness; it’s a demonstration of profound inner security. It declares that my well-being is not dependent on another person’s apology or repentance. My peace is my own, anchored in something higher.
Category 3: The Model of God’s Forgiveness
This group of verses shifts our focus from our struggle to God’s nature. The primary motivation for Christians to release grudges is not self-help, but the imitation of God, who has forgiven us an infinitely greater debt.
Matthew 18:21-22
“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’”
Reflection: Peter’s question is that of a soul trying to quantify grace, to put a limit on the emotional labor of forgiveness. Jesus’ response shatters the calculator. “Seventy-seven times” is a Hebrew idiom for a limitless, unending number. The point is that forgiveness is to be a continuous posture of the heart, not a finite resource we dispense. We are to forgive as God forgives: inexhaustibly.
Luke 23:34
“Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.’ And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.”
Reflection: This is the ultimate paradigm. In the midst of excruciating physical and emotional agony, being actively betrayed and murdered, Christ’s concern is for the forgiveness of his tormentors. He doesn’t wait for an apology. He initiates the pardon. This shows us that the highest form of forgiveness is not a transaction but a gift, offered from a heart so secure in the Father’s love that it can absorb the world’s greatest evil and return only grace.
Matthew 18:35
“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
Reflection: This is the chilling conclusion to the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant. It strikes at the core of any self-righteous grudge-holding. The servant, forgiven an astronomical debt, refuses to forgive a trivial one. The verse reminds us that to hold a grudge after having been forgiven by God is a kind of spiritual amnesia. It is to forget the plank in our own eye. Forgiveness must come “from the heart,” a deep, internal release that mirrors the depth of the release we ourselves have received.
Genesis 50:20
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”
Reflection: Joseph’s words to his brothers are a masterclass in theological and emotional reframing. He does not deny the reality of their malicious intent (“You intended to harm me”). But he refuses to let their intent be the final word. He overlays their narrative of harm with God’s grander narrative of redemption. Releasing a grudge often involves this very act: acknowledging the pain but choosing to trust that a sovereign God can weave even the most painful threads into a tapestry of ultimate good.
Romans 5:8
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Reflection: This verse destroys the logic of withholding forgiveness until the offender is “worthy.” God did not wait for us to be good, to apologize, or to have our act together. He extended the ultimate act of reconciliation—the death of His Son—while we were actively his enemies. This is the bedrock of Christian forgiveness. If we hold a grudge, waiting for someone to earn our pardon, we are operating on a completely different system than the one that saved us.
Luke 6:37
“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”
Reflection: This verse lays out a spiritual law of reciprocity. The posture we take toward others becomes the measure by which we experience life. A judgmental and condemnatory spirit, the very essence of a grudge, creates a prison for our own soul. We become what we practice. By choosing to practice forgiveness, we are not just releasing another person; we are choosing a life of openness, grace, and freedom for ourselves.
Category 4: The Path to Reconciliation and Peace
The final set of verses provides practical, actionable wisdom for moving from the internal state of a grudge to the external acts of peacemaking and reconciliation, which is the fruit of true forgiveness.
Romans 12:18
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Reflection: This is a dose of profound realism. It acknowledges that reconciliation is a two-way street, and we only control our half of it. The command is not “ensure there is peace,” but “live at peace.” Our responsibility is to keep our side of the road clear of the debris of bitterness and vengeance. This frees us from the burden of an outcome we can’t control, while calling us to faithful, peace-seeking action within the sphere of our influence.
Romans 12:19-21
“Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath… On the contrary: ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.’… Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
Reflection: Holding a grudge is a passive form of revenge. This passage commands a radical alternative. We overcome the evil done to us not by repaying it in kind, but by actively doing good to our offender. This is not a manipulative tactic; it is a way of breaking the cycle of evil. It is a bold declaration that the injury will not define our behavior. By choosing goodness, we reclaim our own moral and emotional agency and demonstrate the transformative power of the Gospel.
Matthew 5:23-24
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”
Reflection: This is a stunning reordering of religious priorities. Jesus teaches that relational health is a prerequisite for authentic worship. The integrity of our relationships directly impacts the integrity of our communion with God. If we are aware of a fracture—even one where we are the offender—it must be addressed with urgency. It shows that releasing grudges and seeking reconciliation is not a secondary issue, but is central to a life of worship.
Matthew 5:44
“But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”
Reflection: This is the highest and most difficult command, the ultimate antidote to a grudge. A grudge feeds on ill-will and rehearsed arguments. Prayer for an enemy starves the grudge of its food source. It is impossible to genuinely pray for someone’s well-being while simultaneously nourishing bitterness toward them in your heart. Prayer forces us to see our enemy through God’s eyes, as a person who is also in need of grace, thereby dissolving the grudge from the inside out.
2 Corinthians 5:18
“All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.”
Reflection: This verse elevates forgiveness from a personal chore to a divine calling. Once we have been reconciled to God, we are deputized as His agents of reconciliation in the world. To hold a grudge is to refuse our commission. To forgive and seek peace is to participate in the very work of God himself. It gives our personal struggles a cosmic significance; every act of forgiveness is a small picture of the Gospel at work.
Proverbs 15:1
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Reflection: So many grudges are born or perpetuated in moments of heated conflict. This proverb provides an eminently practical de-escalation strategy. When confronted with anger, our instinct is to respond with defensive, harsh words, which only adds fuel to the fire. A gentle answer, however, changes the emotional climate. It introduces an element of peace and safety into a volatile situation, creating the possibility for understanding rather than the certainty of a deeper wound. It is the first step away from creating a new grudge.
