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Dutch What does the Bible say about sex within marriage?
The Sacred Scriptures present a beautiful and powerful vision of sexuality within marriage. From the very beginning, in the book of Genesis, we see that God created man and woman in His image and likeness, blessing their union and calling them to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28). This divine blessing on marital sexuality is affirmed throughout the Bible.
The Song of Songs celebrates the joy and beauty of physical love between husband and wife in poetic language. It speaks of the delight spouses take in each other’s bodies and the passionate desire they share. As we read in Song of Songs 7:6-7, “How beautiful you are and how pleasing, my love, with your delights! Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit.” This sacred text reminds us that sexual love within marriage is not only permitted but celebrated as a gift from God.(Keller & Keller, 2011)
In the New Testament, St. Paul teaches that sexual intimacy is an important part of marriage. He writes to the Corinthians, “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:3). Paul recognizes that sexual intimacy strengthens the marital bond and helps spouses avoid temptation.(Winters, 2016)
The Bible consistently presents sex within marriage as a unifying act that brings husband and wife together as “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). This physical union is meant to reflect the spiritual and emotional oneness of the married couple. It is a sacred gift, designed by God for procreation, intimate bonding, and mutual pleasure within the covenant of marriage.(Winters, 2016)
At the same time, the Scriptures call married couples to approach sexuality with reverence, selflessness, and mutual respect. St. Paul exhorts husbands and wives to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21). This principle of mutual submission should guide the sexual relationship, with each spouse seeking to please and honor the other.(Keller & Keller, 2011)
While the Bible affirms the goodness of marital sexuality, it also teaches that sex is not the ultimate purpose of marriage. Rather, it is one expression of the deeper spiritual union between husband and wife, which in turn reflects Christ’s love for the Church.
What sexual acts are forbidden in the Bible?
When addressing the question of sexual acts forbidden in the Bible, we must approach this sensitive topic with both clarity and compassion. The Scriptures provide guidance to help us live in a way that honors God and respects the dignity of human sexuality. It is important to recognize that Biblical perspectives on sexual acts and matters of intimacy are intended to protect individuals from harm and promote healthy, loving relationships. Likewise, we can also seek guidance from the Bible on other ethical matters, such as biblical perspectives on gambling, to ensure that our actions align with God’s will and contribute to the well-being of ourselves and others. Ultimately, by approaching these topics with prayer and humility, we can seek to understand and apply the timeless wisdom found in the Scriptures to our modern lives. Similarly, understanding purity culture and the Biblical principles that guide our relationships and sexual ethics can help us navigate the complexities of modern society. By studying and reflecting on the Scriptures, we can gain insight into how to honor God with our bodies and cultivate healthy, God-honoring relationships. This requires both a deep respect for the wisdom of the Bible and a compassionate understanding of the unique challenges individuals may face in applying these teachings to their lives.
The Bible clearly prohibits sexual activity outside the covenant of marriage between a man and a woman. This includes fornication (sexual relations between unmarried individuals) and adultery (sexual relations with someone other than one’s spouse). Jesus himself reinforces this teaching when he says, “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28).(Morrow, 2016)
The Old Testament contains specific prohibitions against various sexual practices, including incest (Leviticus 18:6-18), bestiality (Leviticus 18:23), and homosexual acts (Leviticus 18:22). While we must interpret these passages in light of their historical and cultural context, the Church has consistently upheld the understanding that sexual intimacy is reserved for the marriage covenant between a man and a woman.(McBrien, 1994)
The Bible’s teachings on sexuality are not merely a list of prohibitions, but rather part of a larger vision of human flourishing and the sanctity of marriage. The Scriptures call us to a higher standard of love and respect for our own bodies and those of others.
Within marriage, the Bible does not provide an exhaustive list of permitted or forbidden acts. But we can derive some principles to guide married couples:
- Mutual consent and respect are essential. Any sexual act that is coerced or causes harm to one’s spouse is contrary to the biblical vision of marital love.
- The sexual relationship should be exclusive to the married couple. Practices that involve third parties, such as partner swapping or the use of pornography, are not in keeping with the biblical ideal of marital fidelity.
- Sexual acts should respect the life-giving potential of sexuality. The Church teaches that artificial contraception and deliberate sterilization are not in harmony with God’s design for marital sexuality.(Church, 2000)
- Practices that degrade or objectify one’s spouse are inconsistent with the biblical call to mutual love and respect.
While the Bible does not explicitly address every possible sexual act, it provides a framework for understanding sexuality as a gift to be expressed within the loving, committed relationship of marriage. As St. Paul writes, “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife” (1 Corinthians 7:3-4).(Winters, 2016)
In all matters of sexual intimacy, married couples are called to prayerful discernment, seeking to honor God and one another in their physical relationship. They should strive to ensure that their sexual expression deepens their bond of love and reflects the selfless love of Christ for His Church.
Let us remember that God’s teachings on sexuality are not meant to restrict our joy, but to protect and enhance the beautiful gift of marital intimacy. By following these guidelines, couples can experience the fullness of love and intimacy that God intends for marriage.
How should Christians view masturbation within a marriage?
The question of masturbation within marriage is a sensitive and complex issue that requires careful consideration. While the Bible does not explicitly mention masturbation, we can draw insights from its teachings on sexuality and marriage to guide our understanding.
First, we must recognize that God’s design for sexuality is primarily relational. The intimate physical union between husband and wife is meant to foster deeper emotional and spiritual connection. As we read in Genesis, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). This “one flesh” union speaks to the powerful intimacy God intends for married couples.(Winters, 2016)
In light of this, masturbation within marriage should be approached with caution. While it is not explicitly forbidden in Scripture, there are several concerns to consider:
- Isolation: Masturbation is inherently a solitary act. When practiced regularly within marriage, it may lead to emotional and physical distance between spouses, potentially undermining the intimacy God intends for the marital relationship.
- Temptation: For some individuals, masturbation can be closely linked to the use of pornography or lustful fantasies about people other than one’s spouse. Jesus warns us about the dangers of lust, saying, “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28).(Morrow, 2016)
- Selfishness: The marital sexual relationship is meant to be characterized by mutual giving and receiving. As St. Paul writes, “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:3). Masturbation may foster a self-centered approach to sexual pleasure that neglects the needs and desires of one’s spouse.(Winters, 2016)
- Potential addiction: For some individuals, masturbation can become a compulsive behavior that interferes with daily life and the marital relationship. This can lead to feelings of shame, guilt, and emotional distance from one’s spouse.
But we must also approach this issue with compassion and understanding. There may be circumstances within a marriage where masturbation is seen as a temporary solution to challenges in the sexual relationship, such as:
- Physical separation due to work or other obligations
- Medical conditions that temporarily prevent sexual intercourse
- major differences in sexual desire between spouses
In such cases, open and honest communication between spouses is crucial. Couples should prayerfully discern together how to navigate these challenges while still striving to honor God’s design for marital intimacy.(Jennifer Konzen, 2019)
Some Christian authors and counselors suggest that mutual masturbation between spouses, as part of their sexual relationship, may be acceptable if both partners are comfortable with it and it enhances their intimacy. But this should be approached with caution and always in the context of mutual love and respect.(Jennifer Konzen, 2019)
The goal for Christian couples should be to foster a sexual relationship that is characterized by mutual love, respect, and self-giving. If masturbation is causing concern or creating distance in the marriage, it’s important to address these issues openly and seek guidance from trusted pastoral counselors or Christian therapists.
Let us remember that God’s grace is abundant, and He desires to heal and restore all aspects of our lives, including our sexuality. As we seek to honor Him in our marriages, may we always turn to Him for wisdom, guidance, and the strength to love our spouses as Christ loves the Church.
Is oral sex permissible in a Christian marriage?
The question of oral sex within Christian marriage is one that requires thoughtful reflection and discernment. While the Bible does not explicitly address this specific act, we can look to Scripture and Church teaching for guidance on how to approach this aspect of marital intimacy.
First, we must remember that God created sexuality as a beautiful gift to be enjoyed within the covenant of marriage. The Song of Songs, a poetic book in the Old Testament, celebrates the joy of physical intimacy between husband and wife, using rich and sometimes metaphorical language to describe their love. Some scholars interpret certain passages in this book as alluding to oral sexual activity, though this interpretation is not universally accepted.(Jennifer Konzen, 2019)
For example, Song of Songs 4:16 reads, “Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread everywhere. Let my beloved come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.” While this language is poetic and open to interpretation, it suggests a celebration of various forms of sexual intimacy within marriage.
The New Testament does not provide specific instructions regarding oral sex, but it does offer principles for marital sexuality. St. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:3-4, “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.”(Winters, 2016) This passage emphasizes mutual giving and receiving in the sexual relationship, with each spouse seeking to please and satisfy the other.
In light of these biblical principles, many Christian theologians and pastors consider oral sex within marriage to be permissible, provided that:
- Both spouses freely consent and are comfortable with the act.
- It is performed as an expression of love and mutual pleasure, not as a means of degradation or domination.
- It does not replace or diminish the importance of sexual intercourse, which remains the fullest expression of physical union in marriage.
- It does not involve any health risks or cause physical harm to either spouse.
But there is diversity of opinion within Christian circles on this matter. Some Christian leaders and denominations take a more conservative stance, advising against oral sex based on concerns about its potential to objectify one’s spouse or detract from the procreative aspect of sexuality.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church, while not specifically mentioning oral sex, teaches that “The acts in marriage by which the intimate and chaste union of the spouses takes place are noble and honorable; the truly human performance of these acts fosters the self-giving they signify and enriches the spouses in joy and gratitude” (CCC 2362). This suggests that sexual acts which foster intimacy and mutual self-giving may be considered acceptable within marriage.(Church, 2000)
Married couples must prayerfully discern together what sexual practices are appropriate for their relationship. They should consider:
- Does this act foster greater intimacy and love between us?
- Are we both comfortable with this practice?
- Does it respect the dignity of each spouse?
- Does it align with our understanding of God’s design for sexuality?
It’s crucial for couples to maintain open and honest communication about their sexual relationship, always striving to honor God and one another in their intimacy. If there are concerns or disagreements, it may be helpful to seek guidance from a trusted pastor or Christian counselor.
Let us remember that sexuality is a gift from God, meant to be a source of joy, intimacy, and bonding within marriage. As we navigate these sensitive issues, may we always seek to love and respect our spouses, reflecting Christ’s selfless love for the Church in our marital relationships.
What does the Bible teach about lust and sexual thoughts in a Christian marriage?
The question of lust and sexual thoughts within Christian marriage is an important one that touches on the very nature of human sexuality and our call to holiness. Let us approach this topic with sensitivity and wisdom, guided by the teachings of Scripture and the Church.
First, we must recognize that sexual desire for one’s spouse is not only permissible but is a gift from God. The Song of Songs celebrates the beauty of marital love and desire, using vivid imagery to express the longing between husband and wife. For example, the bride says of her beloved, “His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely. This is this is my friend, daughters of Jerusalem” (Song of Songs 5:16).(Keller & Keller, 2011)
In the context of marriage, sexual thoughts about one’s spouse can be a natural and healthy part of the relationship. St. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:2-3, “But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.” This suggests that sexual desire within marriage is not only acceptable but is part of the mutual gift of self between spouses.(Winters, 2016)
But the Bible also teaches us to be mindful of the way we think about and approach sexuality, even within marriage. Jesus’ words in Matthew 5:27-28 are particularly relevant: “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” While this teaching is often applied to thoughts about someone other than one’s spouse, it also reminds us of the importance of maintaining purity of heart in all our thoughts and intentions.(Morrow, 2016)
So how do we reconcile the celebration of marital sexuality with the call to purity? Here are some key principles to consider:
- Intention matters: There is a difference between appreciating and desiring one’s spouse, and objectifying them or reducing them to a mere object of sexual gratification. The former is a gift; the latter fails to honor the full dignity of the person.
- Focus on the whole person: While it’s natural to be attracted to your spouse’s physical attributes, strive to appreciate and desire them as a whole person – body, mind, and spirit.
- Cultivate a selfless love: Even in our sexual thoughts, we should seek to embody Christ’s selfless love. Ask yourself: Are my thoughts focused on my own pleasure, or do they include a desire to love and cherish my spouse?
- Guard against fantasy: While some imagination can enhance marital intimacy, be cautious about elaborate sexual fantasies that may distance you from the reality of your spouse and your actual relationship.
- Maintain emotional and spiritual intimacy: Remember that physical desire is just one aspect of marital love. Cultivate emotional and spiritual closeness with your spouse, which can deepen and enrich your physical intimacy.
Many Christian teachers and counselors affirm that it is not only permissible but beneficial for married couples to think about each other in sexual ways. This can help maintain a healthy level of desire and anticipation in the marriage. As one author puts it, “God wants sexual desire and longing to occur in our marriage. , it is good and godly to think about your spouse sexually.”(Jennifer Konzen, 2019)
But if sexual thoughts become obsessive, interfere with daily life, or lead to neglect of other aspects of the marriage relationship, it may be helpful to seek guidance from a trusted pastor or Christian counselor.
Let us remember that our sexuality, like all aspects of our lives, is to be offered to God as part of our spiritual worship. As St. Paul exhorts us in Romans 12:1, “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.”
How can married couples have a God-honoring sex life?
The intimate union of husband and wife is a great gift from our Creator. When lived out with love, respect and openness to life, marital sexuality can be truly sacred – a reflection of God’s love and a source of joy and unity for the couple.
To honor God in your sexual relationship, see your spouse as a beloved child of God, created in His image. Treat each other’s bodies and hearts with reverence. Let your physical intimacy flow from and nourish your emotional and spiritual intimacy.
Communication is key. Talk openly with your spouse about your needs, desires, and boundaries. Listen to each other with compassion. Be patient and gentle with one another.
Remember that sex is meant to be life-giving and love-giving. Be open to the possibility of new life. At the same time, the Church recognizes that responsible parenthood may at times require spacing of children. Natural family planning methods can be used with prayerful discernment.
Avoid treating your spouse as an object for your own gratification. Instead, focus on mutual self-giving and receiving. Let your intimate encounters be an exchange of love, not just physical pleasure.
Pray together as a couple. Ask God to bless and guide your sexual relationship. Thank Him for the gift of your spouse and your marital union.
If you struggle with past wounds or unhealthy patterns, don’t be afraid to seek help from a trusted counselor or spiritual director. God desires healing and freedom for you.
Is contraception sinful from a biblical perspective?
This is a complex and sensitive issue that has been debated throughout Church history. While the Bible does not explicitly address modern contraceptive methods, we can look to Scripture and Church teaching for guidance.
The Church has consistently taught that marital sexuality should be both unitive and procreative. We see this in God’s first command to humanity to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28). The story of Onan in Genesis 38 has also been interpreted as a condemnation of contraceptive acts.
But we must be careful not to take an overly rigid or legalistic approach. God has given us the gift of reason to make prudent decisions about family size. The Church recognizes that responsible parenthood may at times require spacing of children.
What’s most important is the couple’s attitude and motivations. Are they open to life in principle, even if they discern valid reasons to avoid pregnancy at a given time? Or are they closing themselves off to God’s gift of children out of selfishness or materialism?
Natural family planning methods, which work with the woman’s natural cycles, are morally acceptable when used with the right intentions. These methods foster communication between spouses and respect for the woman’s body.
Artificial contraception raises more concerns, as it introduces a barrier – physical or chemical – into the marital act. But we must also consider that some contraceptive methods are used for legitimate medical reasons beyond preventing pregnancy.
This is a matter for prayerful discernment by each couple, in consultation with their conscience and spiritual advisors. We should be cautious about making blanket judgments about the state of people’s souls.
What’s most important is that couples remain open to God’s will, practice responsible parenthood, and let their sexuality be an expression of self-giving love. May we accompany all families with compassion as they navigate these sensitive decisions.
Is pornography use sinful for Christians?
The use of pornography is a serious concern in our digital age, one that affects many individuals and families. While the Bible does not explicitly mention pornography, we can draw clear principles from Scripture and Church teaching.
Jesus taught that “everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28). Pornography by its very nature stirs up and feeds lustful desires. It reduces human persons, made in God’s image, to objects for selfish gratification.
Pornography use damages the user’s capacity for authentic intimacy and love. It creates unrealistic expectations about sex. It can become addictive, consuming more and more of one’s time and attention. Many who struggle with pornography report feeling intense shame and isolation.
The pornography industry is rife with exploitation and abuse. By viewing pornography, one becomes complicit in this exploitation, even if indirectly. As Christians, we are called to uphold the dignity of every human person.
For married persons, pornography use is a form of infidelity to one’s spouse. It violates the exclusivity of the marriage covenant. Even for single persons, it works against the virtue of chastity and preparation for future marriage.
At the same time, we must approach this issue with great compassion. Many people begin using pornography at a young age, before they can fully understand its harmful effects. Breaking free from pornography can be very difficult due to its addictive nature.
The good news is that healing and freedom are possible through God’s grace. If you struggle with pornography, don’t despair or hide in shame. Seek help from a trusted pastor, counselor or support group. There are many resources available for recovery.
For all Christians, we must be vigilant in guarding our hearts and minds. Let us “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). May we seek our satisfaction in God alone, not in false images that can never truly fulfill us.
What does the Catholic Church teach about sex within a Christian marriage?
The Church’s teaching on marital sexuality flows from our understanding of God’s beautiful plan for marriage and family life. At its heart, this teaching affirms sex as a great gift from our Creator – one to be cherished and respected within the covenant of marriage.
The Catechism teaches that “sexuality is ordered to the conjugal love of man and woman” (CCC 2360). In other words, sex finds its proper context within marriage, where it serves to unite the spouses and open them to the gift of new life.
The Church upholds what we call the unitive and procreative purposes of marital sexuality. The sexual act is meant to strengthen the loving bond between husband and wife. At the same time, it should remain open to the possibility of conceiving children.
This does not mean that every sexual act must result in pregnancy. The Church recognizes that responsible parenthood may require spacing of children. But couples should not actively frustrate the life-giving potential of sex through contraceptive means.
Marital sexuality should be marked by mutual self-giving and receiving. Spouses are called to be attentive to each other’s needs and desires, always with respect and tenderness. Forced sexual acts within marriage are gravely wrong.
The Church encourages couples to approach their sexual relationship with reverence, seeing it as sacred. At the same time, marital sexuality should be a source of joy and delight for the couple. There is room for playfulness and passion within the bounds of mutual love and respect.
Challenges in sexual intimacy are common for many couples. The Church encourages spouses to communicate openly about these issues and to seek help when needed. Counseling or medical treatment may be appropriate in some cases.
Above all, we are called to see our sexuality as a reflection of God’s love – faithful, fruitful, and free. May all married couples grow in this vision, finding in their intimate union a source of joy and a path of sanctification.
What do the church fathers teach about sex within a Christian marriage?
The early Church Fathers offer us valuable insights on marital sexuality, even as we recognize that their teachings were shaped by their historical and cultural context.
Many of the Fathers emphasized that marital sexuality should be oriented towards procreation. St. Augustine, for instance, taught that the good of marriage included offspring, fidelity, and the sacrament. At the same time, he recognized that sexual relations could strengthen the bond between spouses.
Several Fathers cautioned against excessive passion or pleasure in marital relations. St. Jerome advised couples to approach sex with moderation and self-control. St. John Chrysostom, while affirming the goodness of marital sexuality, warned against allowing it to become an idol.
The Fathers generally taught that sexual relations should cease during times of fasting and prayer, and during a woman’s menstrual period. This reflects their understanding of ritual purity, which we interpret differently today.
At the same time, many Fathers affirmed the unitive aspect of marital sexuality. St. Gregory of Nyssa beautifully described how husband and wife become “one flesh” through their physical union. St. John Chrysostom encouraged spouses to find joy and delight in their intimate relations.
The Fathers consistently condemned adultery, fornication, and other sexual acts outside of marriage. They saw chastity – whether in celibacy or faithful marriage – as a great virtue.
Some Fathers, like Clement of Alexandria, offered practical advice to married couples. He encouraged modesty and mutual respect in the marital bed. He also advised against marital relations during pregnancy, reflecting medical beliefs of the time.
While we may not agree with every detail of the Fathers’ teachings on sexuality, we can appreciate their overall vision of marital sexuality as sacred, unitive, and procreative. They remind us that our sexual lives should be oriented towards God and towards strengthening the marital bond.
As we reflect on these teachings, let us remember that the Fathers were not offering a comprehensive “theology of the body” as we understand it today. Their insights should be read in light of the full development of Church teaching and our growing understanding of human sexuality.
